Welcome to Sara's Organized Chaos

Hookers, Batman, Cuteness and 4K.

2012-02-08T20:17:00.000-06:00

I've been upfront with the fact that Matt and I make freaking adorable babies. The fact we are no longer having babies seems criminally and this post will only highlight why we should have more.

One phrase you'll hear in our household quite often is, "I sure love my hooker!" courtesy of Jackson. Meet the hooker:

He loves the hooker. I don't know how it ended up being called the hooker, but it is and it cracks people up when out of nowhere he talks about how much he loves his hooker.

A few weeks ago Jackson and I were shopping at Target and he is my boy fashionista. He is super picky about the clothes he wears, when he wears them, and god forbid anything gets them dirty and/or wet because it is grounds for immediate outfit change. But at Target he spotted this Batman sweatshirt from clear across the store. He is obviously a huge Batman fan.

So I had to get it because hello- the hood has bat ears on it. How could I not get this? Once we got home he insisted that I take pictures of him because again, he also likes his picture being taken. Mostly.

But this face? This face is what you get when he's gotten into something or done something he definitely should not have done. It's the "I'm totally innocent and cute and you aren't mad are you, mom?" look. It's hard to be mad at Batman, I've got to be honest.

The other thing Jackson loves? His sissy. He loves Olivia sometimes too much. I think he drives her insane and she sometimes wishes he'd hold back on the love. But he insists on walking her to her classroom everyday, giving hugs and kisses. One day she didn't give him a hug/kiss and he started balling. It was kind of a scene. So now we make sure she says goodbye to him properly. But he thinks she is the greatest thing ever. And she probably thinks he's OK too.

Last night we signed Jackson up for 4K and not going to lie, I didn't full out cry, but I did tear up a little filling out the forms. For my baby. *sigh* He is actually a really shy kid but once you get to know him you can't help but absolutely love him. He is such a lovebug that you can't help but want to keep him for your very own. Until he pees down your heat vents or smash chapstick on your tables, then it's questionable.

I joked with my mom that I feel sorry for his teachers because he is a devil. He's so cute but he'll be just like my brother- super smart but a handful. I feel like I should pin a note to his shirt that says, "I'm sorry- I did the best I could. Good luck." on the first day.

This was from this morning. Olivia was so annoyed that Jackson wanted to sit on her lap and their facial expressions are awesome.

It's kind of sad to see the kids growing up because I don't know where the time is going. It seems like the first four years for Olivia went so slowly and with Jackson they are gone in the blink of an eye. I know it's because I am getting busier and busier with each year and I do the best that I can do. I'd by lying if I said I wasn't more than a little disappointed that we aren't having any more kids. I do wish we could have more because I really enjoyed being pregnant, I had easy pregnancies and easy labor and deliveries, and I really do enjoy the baby phases. But Matt definitely doesn't want any more kids and I have to respect that. It's just frustrating that he doesn't understand the baby fever I'm basically suffering with. Does it get any better?

Why my porch smells like rotten milk.

2012-02-07T20:03:00.000-06:00

Some of the people who know me in real life visit me often and drop by my house to borrow books, movies, kitchen shit, and sometimes I think they come because they know Matt will go get us ice cream without asking. Which is totally fine because I love having company and I think some of them secretly try to bust into my house to see it messy.

Which it rarely is, so I'm always on my toes.

But recently I've had a LOT of comments about the putrid rotten milk smell up in here and I know. I totally know it's rotten and rancid and bad. I KNOW. But there is a reason for it and it's a good one, so there.

Some of you know that I recently became the PTO President a few months ago. The job is pretty stressful so I completely understand how our previous President had to step down because it is a huge time commitment and she is hecka busy with her regular life. After I got my bearings about me and had someone of a vague idea of what I should be doing, it was time that we tackle... the milk caps.

Now, around here we have a semi-local milk company called Kemps that runs this super great program called the Nickels for Schools and it's basically we turn in specially marked milk caps, they give us a nickel for each one. It's simple for parents and the PTO gets the benefits. We also do the Box Tops for Education and the Labels for Education on select Campbells' products. (Do you just throw these out? DON'T! Our school could definitely use them!) Anyways. So the previous president told me she had a few bags of milk caps that needed to be counted and so we arranged for a time for Matt to pick them up after skiing one day. No problem.

Until...

Matt got home. Holy shit he was PISSED. Because I failed to ask how big the bags were... and there were five lawn sized trash bags. *gulp* Now, I didn't think it would take us long to count them because I had recently counted what was collected on the front table and I got through 2019 caps in about 20 minutes.

So after Matt dragged them into the house, we started counting them when the kids went to bed. We got through 4000 and had to quit. Our eyes were bugged out, we were both exhausted and it's hard to count when you're watching Hoarders at A&E because you look around yourself sitting in a pile of milk caps and think perhaps you aren't the person to be judging these folk. So we went to bed.

The next morning, I stepped in a HUGE fucking puddle on my living room carpet. Guess what happened? Some of the bags collected moisture and the caps had frozen into huge blocks of ice (they were stored in a garage, so this happens) and yeah..... overnight they thawed. On my stank ass already carpet. It was right around then that the smell of rotten milk wafted across me and I almost threw up right then and there. I had to go to work that morning and get the kids to school and to my mom's so I didn't have time to deal with it. When I came home, I was cleaning up a really disgusting mess.

Matt, obviously, was so pissed off he wouldn't look at me.

Rightfully so.

Because in the midst of the milk cap counting we were dealing with the hole in the wall in the living room situation. I feel bad that I didn't take a picture of all of the caps when they were in the massive pile because it was five times the size of this- no lie.

Each box fits 2000 caps perfectly and I ended up with ten boxes total. So.. add more to this pile which is in my front porch. It all goes on Thursday so THANK GOD because my front porch now smells like rotten milk.

Our school is also doing a classroom contest to see which class can collect the most milk caps, box tops, soup labels, etc so I had to come up with some collection containers. I ended up taking 20 empty coffee cans from my work and making them not look like coffee cans. But they made the other half of my porch look ghetto as well.

But the cans aren't half bad. It's just awkward carrying twenty coffee cans into school.

So I've been busy. It's a good fundraiser for the school though so I'm happy to do it. I'll just be really happy when the milk caps are gone. And I'll have to just stay on top of the counting and boxing them up. Which I will be, no big deal. But I will say that Matt is kind of a milk cap counting rock star. He had a total system going and really counted more than I did, so fist pumps and booty shakes for him.

In other news, I'm fucking EXHAUSTED right now. Today was shit hole Tuesday which means I've only peed once and eaten none today. It is now 8:05pm and I am making Matt go get me something because I feel sick. And if you're wondering? I made it to everything without his help. Matt came to 4K registration, which was a stinking ZOO, and I ended up doing all of the paperwork while he sat and had pizza with the kids. I'll share more about that (with pictures) tomorrow.

You deserve better.

2012-02-06T19:53:00.000-06:00

I know I have slacked off. It isn't because I didn't want to write or have material, because both counts are true. Oh do I have things to write about. Here's my problem: I'm friggin exhausted. I wish someone would just allow me to win the god damn lottery so I can hire professionals to do this house improvement shit. Any satisfaction that people say they get from this is false because if I paid someone I'd at least be able to bitch about the shoddy job.

Because what I am not, nor ever will be is a professional painter. And because my laziness got the best of me and I chose not to take the 20 minute total trip to get painter's tape? I have uneven lines and I am so damn exhausted I refuse to care anymore.

Anyways.

Let's talk about my Tuesday tomorrow. You all know how much I hate Tuesdays because everything happens on a Tuesday and every time Tuesday comes around I wish it were a real thing I could bitch slap into oblivion.

Sadly, it's not a real thing and I'd get questionable looks of concern and sadness from strangers if I had started beating up a calendar. But I'm telling you- we may get there yet.

Tomorrow my day looks like this:

7:30: Out of the house with both kids, drop off at mom's
8:30-12:30: Work.
1-2:30: Jackson has toddler class
3:15: Olivia done with school
3:15-4:30: Girl Scouts with Olivia (if you want cookies- let me know)
5:00-7:00: Jackson has 4year old Kindergarten sign up
6:00-6:45: Olivia's first dance class

I know- you're probably saying, "Sara, you have stuff double booked!" to which I say, I fucking know that whores. I KNOW. I can't miss either because they both have to get done tomorrow and yeah. Times like this I wish I could rely on Matt to not mess something up because I need his help. I could send him to dance class with Olivia but he has to decide on her costume sizing and ask questions that I need to know about. I could make him do the 4K registration, but again- I have questions I need answers for AND he'd have to not lose Jackson's birth certificate and other documents showing he is who he is.

My anxiety is a wee bit up.

Then Matt's grandma passed away and though we all knew it was coming, I secretly wished that she'd make it another week? This weekend is my girls weekend with Amy and we're going to see my sick friend Jessica in the hospital and the funeral is that day. So now I had to find a sitter for my kids for Saturday overnight, we have to leave super early on Saturday to drive four hours for a funeral and then Matt has to get me to Amy so we can do our girls thing and then somehow Matt and I need to reconnect on Sunday so you know, I can get home. It's going to be fun (the Amy and me part), stressful (trying to connect without issues), and long (the funeral) but what can you do? Matt wasn't close to his grandma and I have only seen her maybe 4 or 5 times total in the ten years we've been together but we're going because Matt is a pallbearer and to support his dad.

And THEN sometime this week (Matt thinks it'll be tomorrow... bwahahahahahahaha) we have to go to Home Depot to figure out the carpet situation. It's a hot mess and that is a whole other post for sometime this week. As is the painting (wall color pictures coming soon), the hole update, me high on fumes again, the baseboards, and then realizing we're more broke than we thought. Oh joys.

Prime Suspect, Face In The Crowd

2012-02-06T19:40:00.001-06:00

I have not one, but TWO book reviews for you tonight. In between multiple coats of paint this weekend I got two books finished. I'll tell you right now that I think I was high from the paint fumes since I wasn't smart enough to you know, crack a window, so my comprehension of the books may be skewed. I think.

The moment Jane Tennison takes over Scotland Yard’s investigation into the death of sex worker Della Mornay, two grim facts become immediately clear to her. First, that the constabulary’s old boy club is determined to hinder, harass, and undermine the new female Detective Chief Inspector at every turn. And second, that their murder victim isn’t Della Mornay. Now the police are a step behind, and a madman is loose on the streets of London. To apprehend the criminal stalking women through the city’s shadows, Tennison will have to steel herself against the hostility of her fellow officers and conceal her own mounting obsession with breaking through the glass ceiling of the station house—even as department politics, a crumbling relationship, and a wickedly elusive prime suspect threaten her very existence.

The coroner’s report identifies the body as young, black, female, and impossibly anonymous. Yet one thing is clear to Detective Chief Inspector Jane Tennison about the latest victim discovered in one of London’s poorest districts—that news of her murder will tear apart a city already crackling with racial tensions, hurling Scotland Yard and Tennison herself into a maelstrom of shocking accusations and sudden, wrenching violence. Even as London’s brutal killer remains at large, Tennison remains locked in a struggle to overcome her station house’s brutal chauvinism and insidious politicking. And as the department’s deeply rooted racism rears its head to overshadow every facet of her new investigation, the trail of her prime suspect is growing colder. Worse, when the details of the beleaguered detective’s stormy personal life explode across the headlines of London’s sleaziest tabloids, Tennison’s already frenzied determination to bring the killer to justice will be catapulted into obsession—one that could send her spiraling over the edge.

I am working on the third book in this series right now because one thing I can tell you right off the bat is that these books are catchy. You are hooked into them right away and the writing is gripping. The only complaint I can really say is that I really struggled with some of the British slang used in the books. Admittedly, it might just be my skills as a reader but I have a hard time reading through it and find myself re-reading some passages and trying to decipher the meaning of it. So.. you may have no problem with this.

The characters are... interesting. As a woman I want to root for Jane because she's rocking her vagina but also working her way up the ranks with brains, talent and skill in regards to her job so you automatically cheer for that. What I don't like is how she is almost.. stereotyped? Look at most crime shows where you have a woman in charge and what qualities do they have or lack? Usually they are ballsy, mouthy, maybe less empathetic than most women, sometimes oblivious to anything outside of what she's focused on, etc. All of these traits characterize Jane but at the end of the day- she is a damn good officer and her fellow police officers reluctantly realize that.

I kept trying to guess the outcome of both books and every time I thought I figured something out ahead of the characters... I was wrong. But I really like how the author changed up the story just a little bit and added so much to the story with very little effort.

I highly recommend these books because they are really great for suspense and the thriller aspect. It's like reading an episode of Law & Order. To see what other bloggers are saying about these books, check it out HERE. Lynda LaPlante also has her own website which I recommend.

Maybe I will help a baby be made, and where babies aren't being made.

2012-02-02T19:45:00.000-06:00

So... let's announce the winner of the KY Intimacy Experiment, shall we? But before I get to that... the winner is going to get some KY products and a really cool eBook to help you put those products to good use! Seasons of Love: A Holiday Passion Planner, is dedicated to helping couples reclaim the holidays, whether it be Valentine’s Day or April Fool’s Day, by proving they don’t have to be filled with errands and commitments, but rather, can present themselves as the perfect time to tune in to and turn on one another. All of my readers are able to pick that up if you want to do a little experimenting of your own. And maybe you'll make a baby. If you make a baby because of this contest... I'm open to being a godmother. (Be real- I'd be kind of kickass at that)

BUT... let's find out who the winner is:

**
I have been super busy trying to make my house look less ghetto because I can only take so much. Last week I was shopping at Target for a new shower curtain (because I got over zealous with bleach and ruined my other one that was amazing and matched my sink perfectly) and liner, but then I saw a bedding set that matched my wall color perfectly. No easy task since I've been looking for this for just about two years.

Isn't it great? I have REAL bedding, folks! (And yes, I did get a shower curtain too and I think it's bull shit at how expensive they are, as a matter of fact.)

What isn't funny is me trying to put said bedding on. I have a queen size bed and what I recommend other 5'3 white girls with no upper body strength to do is NOT try to rotate and flip your queen size mattress alone. Because when you do this, you will take out both dressers, both side tables, bend your mini blinds in two windows, almost take out your ceiling light fixture, pull a muscle in your arm, pee yourself from straining, almost kill both cats and scare the shit out of your three year old son who will start crying when this all happens in a one minute time frame.

The more you know.

Phone Calls, Friends, and Winners

2012-02-01T20:11:00.000-06:00

I have mentioned before how I have, hands down, the best blog readers ever. I've mentioned this a bunch of times and yet I am continually astounded at the connection I've made with virtual strangers who've become friends I come to rely on. So the other day I did a blog post about Olivia having a difficult time in school with some kids being raised by wolves apparently, and I had GREAT feedback. Not just in the comments, but I got some really fantastic emails about what you've dealt with, advice for me, things I should read, and most of all- kind words for Olivia.

Yesterday we got a ton of super fun boxes in the mail which were unexpected and always a cool treat to come home to. Two of them came from Shirley, whom I adore and wish so badly that we lived closer together because we'd be tight bitches. I'm sure of it. Shirley sent my kids the BEST things, completely out of the blue, and a total random act of kindness. Olivia got this huge book which she almost peed herself about because it's like a teacher's book (and she wants to be a teacher, and we all have to play students so she can be the teacher) and she has wanted a huge book FOREVER. Seriously, forever. But the book is called Chrysanthemum and it's about a girl with an odd name that suits her perfectly.... but all of the kids tease her. So she starts to dread school and no matter what she does, she can't get the kids to like her. In the end the coolest teacher ever has a funky name and tells the class how cool Chrysanthemum's name was and so everyone liked her again. Such a great story and Olivia and I had a great conversation about it afterwards. And we've read it easily twenty times in two days. Try saying "chrysanthemum" repeatedly- it's hard.

And then just because she sent something for Olivia, Shirley sent Jackson a Thomas the Train matching game. Which he was so excited about because he hates playing the princess one and I'm too cheap to buy two of the same game. So we've been having a great time with that too. Because Shirley is amazing and I love her so. SO, the kids made you a picture Shirley- watch your mail soon. THANK YOU for being such an awesome person and caring about my kids.

So while the kids were off playing, I opened up my package from my super awesome friend Amy. Now, she told me she was mailing me something and I kept forgetting about it, so this totally surprised me. Amy is my go-to person about anything beauty or clothing related. I'm stupid in these areas and I have to have Amy tell me what's what because she's so much more knowledgeable about it than I ever will be. And she's had to hear me bitch about being too cheap, but desperately needing, a pedicure... so she gets me a pedicure set. AND ear warmers. Because we searched high and low when she was here last for ear warmers that weren't ghetto fabulous and dorky. Couldn't find them. But not only did I get non ghetto ones, they have HEADPHONES in them. That's right- headphones. Fucking amazing. I had no idea that such a thing existed. Amy- you rock. (Two weeks till girls weekend!)

Then probably the cutest thing EVER happened yesterday. Olivia got her first phone call at home. Ever. It was kind of awkward but completely amazing and adorable. It came from her friend Paige who I hear about all of the time. Paige is apparently the coolest kid that has ever entered her world because she wants to be Paige I think. I think they coordinate outfits? Because Olivia tells me every morning what she HAS to wear and sure enough- there's Paige with something similar. Tutu's on the same day, same hair on some days, they have a couple of the same shirts so that's coordinated. And the teacher tells me they play teacher during choice time (since the class has two teachers it works out perfectly) and they are always together. SO, in an effort to help Olivia at school I thought if I start getting her together with kids outside of class that maybe that will help- so I sent Olivia to school with all of our contact information so Paige could give it to her mom.

Enter, phone call:

At first she was nervous.

And she tried DAMN HARD not to smile when I was taking her picture. Because you know I had to get such a monumental moment in a girl's life on camera. It lasted maybe 30 seconds and consisted of an awkward hello and a bunch of silence, but the point is- she received a phone call and she was thrilled. So Paige's mom and I spoke for awhile and we've got a play date set up for Monday.

AND, I signed Olivia up for dance class. She has been coming home begging to do a dance class which, *surprise*, Paige is in. I got the information from Paige's mom and for $30 a month, I can swing that. I'll just find the money. But I think this will be good for her in addition to her Girl Scouts. (Oh, by the way- my girl is selling Girl Scout cookies... email me your orders and I'll ship them to you for a $5 shipping fee. She thinks she can sell 100 boxes, I think I have my work cut out for me.)

OK, so before I go, let's do the winners for the Reader Rally Mega Giveaway that was happening.. a few weeks ago. I don't know who the big winner on that blog was, but the two book winners from my blog are: (thank you, Random.org)

#6 Eileen Ward

#14 Shadow Kohler

I will email you both to get your mailing information, but YAY for being winners. And even if you are a loser in this case... you're still a winner to me. (aw... after school special moment right there).

Cinderella Ate My Daughter.

2012-01-31T19:46:00.000-06:00

No worries people, put the phone down- there is no need to call CPS. Olivia is just fine, as it Jackson and are two mentally handicapped cats. Matt... well he is currently huffing in dry wall dust I think so the jury is still out on that. It's time for a book review.

Cinderella Ate My Daughter- Peggy Orenstein

The acclaimed author of the groundbreaking bestseller Schoolgirls reveals the dark side of pink and pretty: the rise of the girlie-girl, she warns, is not that innocent.

Sweet and sassy or predatory and hardened, sexualized girlhood influences our daughters from infancy onward, telling them that how a girl looks matters more than who she is. Somewhere between the exhilarating rise of Girl Power in the 1990s and today, the pursuit of physical perfection has been recast as the source of female empowerment. And commercialization has spread the message faster and farther, reaching girls at ever-younger ages. But how dangerous is pink and pretty, anyway? Being a princess is just make-believe; eventually they grow out of it . . . or do they?

In search of answers, Peggy Orenstein visited Disneyland, trolled American Girl Place, and met parents of beauty-pageant preschoolers tricked out like Vegas showgirls. The stakes turn out to be higher than she ever imagined. From premature sexualization to the risk of depression to rising rates of narcissism, the potential negative impact of this new girlie-girl culture is undeniable—yet armed with awareness and recognition, parents can effectively counterbalance its influence in their daughters’ lives.

I have to be 100% percent honest as I start this review- I am not a granola mom. In fact, I am probably the exact opposite of what I consider to be a granola mom. I'm not a helicopter mom, I believe girls can be rough and tumble and boys can be.. less boy. I don't really care what my kids play with as long as it isn't the dreaded Bratz or Monster High dolls because honestly? Have some class. I let my kids dictate what they play through their own interests and I don't really push anything onto them. I'm not freaking out over Red Dye #40 or *gasp* high fructose corn syrup.

The horrors.

I wanted to read this book first off to maybe gain a bit of insight into the mind of a young girl in the current society. I guess I just assumed it was so much different than when I was growing up (I'm only turning 30 in March, so I'm not that old) because everyone laments on and on about how society is different and jesus- look at all of these sexed up and pregnant teenage girls cursing up a storm. Obviously, I don't want any of these things for my own daughter and I have enough brains to know I have to nip it early to prevent that.

So I read the book.

And wanted to throw it against the wall. I am pretty sure Matt feared for his personal safety on more than one occassion (as I usually read while he sleeps because his snoring is out of control). I think the thing that sent me over the edge was beating the dead Disney horse to death. If I have to hear one more time how absolutely horrible the Disney Princesses, (or in fact- any character) are... I may scream. Raise your hand if you at ANY point in your life wanted to be a princess.

OK- that's pretty much everyone.

Now raise your hand if by wanting to play dress up and pretend you were going to a royal ball you feel you have gained an unhealthy expectation that a man should be taking care of you for life because your vagina prevents you from doing so.

Um, anyone?

That's because that is stupid. I don't consider myself a feminist because like it was mentioned in the book- I believe feminists really missed the mark with the whole movement because part of being a woman means you have a certain level of feminity. We can't ignore that to compete with men and still claim to be true to ourselves. That pretty much goes against the grain of the "we are equal" mentality.

But nonetheless.

I let my daughter and hell, even my son, play dress up and princess all of the time. We own pretty much every Disney Princess figure and movie and by golly- I love it. If I didn't think I'd get laughed at outright at my wedding I absolutely would have played "Some Day My Prince Will Come". Just shut your mouth right now, punks. There is nothing wrong with that. I think every girl should want to feel like her partner treats her like a princess... but values her at the same time as someone worthy of respect.

Enter pageants. Oh, don't get me started. I don't care what anyone says about the positives or purpose of a pageant dressing your toddler daughter as a hooker, they are totally wrong and you are giving pedophiles material on a platter. There is something inherently wrong with a parent who thinks it's OK to dress a girl up, put that much makeup on her, put those horrifying fake teeth in, spray tan and hair spray her to death and then tell her that her inner beauty is what is most important.

Right. She's getting that message loud and clear, isn't she?

I personally felt like the book was not to my liking. I disagreed with a lot of things said in the book and I'm so over hearing people say we should let girls do the same things as boys.. but they bring out girl Legos and everyone screams that how DARE they make them pink! If pink Legos made my daughter pick them up and use her brain and analytical skills to build something, then gosh darnit, I'm getting her the pink Legos. At the same time, if my daughter hated Barbies and would rather play with Transformers, whatever. I'll get her the Transformers if it helps her with imaginitive play.

It's our jobs as parents to use some common sense and guide our children as best as we can. Do I think it's reckless parenting to get your daughter a Bratz doll? You bet. Why have the conversation about how it's OK for the doll to dress like a slut but your daughter can't if you don't have to? Olivia asked me once why she can't have those dolls and I flat out tell her because they aren't dressed like classy ladies and that's what you want to be. On the other hand, is it realistic to get her a Barbie who is oddly proportioned? Probably not- but at least Barbie has a wide variety of careers. And honestly? If you are leaving the self image lesson to be taught through her play with a doll versus discussions with you, haven't you kind of failed as a parent anyways?

So overall... I'm on the fence. I appreciate all of the work she put into this book because I'll tell you what- the American Girl Place scares the crap out of me and I probably couldn't handle dealing with pageant moms. I think it also made me evaluate the things that influence my daughter and makes me more mindful to discuss things I perhaps wouldn't have before.

I'd be interested for you to read the book and let's open up a dialogue. How ARE other moms parenting their daughters and how are you really making sure she feels valued and respected not from just you and those around her, but having those things for herself?

As always, check out what other bloggers are saying about the book HERE. Peggy also has a website, Facebook, and Twitter.

Up close and personal... with my hole.

2012-01-30T19:28:00.000-06:00

HA! How many sickos got here from a wayward Google search? Plenty, I'm sure.

Those of you who have been paying attention, I have a hole in my living room wall as a resort to my absurd want of some mother fucking baseboards. That was all I wanted, let us be clear. The problem with husbands having under used power tools is that they can sometimes get a little over zealous with them and you know, cut a hole in the wall and talk you into how great it would be to have a random cubby. In the wall. Of your living room.

At this point- we're too far in to go back. My fear is that if we had just covered it up we would have somehow missed the possible greatness of a hole in your living room wall, so we've continued on. Right now all of the walls are patched and ready for paint in the rest of my living room. The hole itself needed a lot of work: plaster and lath ripped out, electrical wires re-routed, a place for a future mini light fixture, new drywall up, and eventually, some carpet. It's a lot of work.

But here's where we talk about Matt. He's super handy. He really is- I don't question his skill or level of ability because even if he doesn't know how to do something, he can not only figure it out but he also has a contractor friend he can call to get some tips and advice. So basically- he is capable of doing most anything around the house. Hell, he was instrumental in putting the addition to the house on (yet.. the laundry sink is a project he continues to stall...) so I have to give credit where it's due. The problem here is that he starts off with all of this motivation and a clear plan... and then it drops off to nothing. I have to then badger him to finish the project when it's in the worst and messiest state of it.

Last week I told him he HAD to start taking plaster and lath down because we aren't leaving this project hanging mid stream like everything else. So he does. But what he failed to do, which I feel is a critical step, is to put some drop cloths down. At least on the furniture. But no. Dust and shit EVERYWHERE.

I inhaled so much dust I was wheezing like an asthmatic fat kid after gym glass and every time I had to blow my nose or sneeze? Black dust came out. I'm going to go ahead and assume my lungs are compromised.

But Matt didn't care. Instead, his little Antiques Roadshow heart BEAMED when he found not one, but two old things in the wall inside of secret cubby.

A book from 1927 about house wiring.

And a book of matches from when phone numbers were only five digits long. Am I the only one concerned that whoever did the wiring did it from a wiring-for-dummies book AND had matches handy?

After realizing I probably have to have my furniture professionally cleaned because the dust is literally that thick on it, I simmered down long enough to demand Matt start putting drywall up in the hole.

Which he did.

This is what it looks like when you kneel in the doorway to the cubby area. It's such a bizarre little space? But I don't know. I feel like I'll be able to do something with it. Hopefully.

Tonight Matt is (hopefully) going to start sanding drywall because this weekend? I paint the living room. No more prolonging this. My living room is a fucking DISASTER and part two of why it's a disaster is coming tomorrow.

KY Intimacy Experiment- The End. LAST chance to enter giveaway!

2012-01-29T20:08:00.000-06:00

Here we are... the end of the KY Intimacy Experiment. Take advantage of entering in all of the previous weeks to win your own intimacy kit and see what this experiment can do for you. Entry options for each week!

One: Love Nest
Two: Not Just About Sex
Three: Everything Old Is New Again
Four: Outside the Comfort Zone
Five: Fun and Games
Six: Getting Back In Touch
Seven: Sometimes A Fantasy
Eight: In Good Taste
Nine: Dangerous Liaisons

Before I leave you to enter as many times as you can to better your chances, let's just talk about Matt and I. I am the first to admit our communication has good days and bad days. After completing each challenge of this experiment, we're much better not just in the bedroom but out as well. I guess I never really thought that the connection you have with your partner in the bedroom has such an impact on your day to day life. One statement in the book that made an impact on both of us was, "Don't let a whole day go by without tending to your relationship.", and how true is that? So simple, but it makes such a huge difference in how both of our days go. Our relationship is already so much more improved than it was a few months ago and it takes work. At least after doing this experiment I feel like we are both on the same page and keep each other in check.

So... let's enter. I'll draw for a winner on TUESDAY, January 31st so make sure you get all of your entries in now!

GIVEAWAY

*You must be a follower via Google Friend Connect (GFC) and make sure you leave your comment with an email address.

Mandatory Entry:

*Comment on this post and answer the following question: what is one thing you'd like to change about your current relationship?

Extra Entries: (leave separate comment on each)

*Tweet this giveaway

*Link to this giveaway on Facebook

*"Like" Couples Place on Facebook

*Blog about my series

Good luck!

Menu Planning for Dummies

2012-01-28T20:18:00.000-06:00

One of the things I get teased about the most is how meticulously organized my house is. I am ubber organized in everything I do and I am a firm believer in routine. Matt says I probably would have made a great dictator and I believe this is true.

I also get the "what the fuck is this??" when people come to my house and see the "Menu" header on my bulletin board with the calendar. I then explain how I plan all of our meals, and that dictates what I buy at the grocery store, and it's all organized and awesome. And every single person says "Oh, that's a pain in the ass" or "I can't do that" and I always ask, why not?

Because it's really easy and it saves you a ton of time during the busy week and it saves you money on your grocery bill.

Here's what you need:
*A calendar or a piece of paper
*Cookbooks
*A brain
*Pen/Pencil
*Grocery Advertisement for that week

I usually do this on a Saturday night while watching Dr. Phil reruns. (Don't judge me, asshole.) I plan my meals for a bi-weekly session and get all of those groceries in one trip, which is why I work off of the ad. If you are one of those people who say that you can't commit to eating pork chops on Tuesday because what if you really don't want pork chops on Tuesday? There are two options: 1. Make a list of 14 meals that you are going to buy and have them in stock in your house. Each morning, decide what off of that list you're making, and bam, you're done with that. OR, 2. You can just commit to whatever meal you planned for that calendar day. If it's Tuesday, and it's pork chops and you aren't feeling it... you won't eat as much, will you? Hello, weight loss.

So get your calendar or your list and plan out 14 meals. Check to see what is on sale at your grocery store and use that as your basis. I also look to see what I have going on different days, because if I'm working late or have a lot to do after the kid's come home, it's a Crock Pot meal or something easy like tacos, fajitas, stir fry, etc. As you write down a meal on your calendar/list- have a separate grocery list going and write down the ingredients you need. (Tip: If we are having spaghetti one night, I make sure to have extra sauce that I can re-use to make meatball subs another night. I try to utilize my left overs as much as I can to cut down on my grocery expense.)

Once you get this done, take your grocery list into the pantry/kitchen and see what you already have on hand. If you have something, cross it off your grocery list so you don't buy more than you need. OR, go ahead and buy that so you have something on hand to make your grocery bill less another time.

After I get a finished list, I go online and look for coupons. I try to match up as much as I can before I get to the store. I also look in the ad and if they have noodles or easy side dishes on sale for 10/$10, I make sure to add a few of those to my grocery list because that could help me out later on.

For breakfast meals it's always cereal, waffles, and/or toast. Except on weekends then I usually make pancakes, eggs, cinnamon rolls, etc. So I make sure to get enough to last me two weeks. Lunches for Olivia consist of a sandwich, a side, a treat and juice. My grocery store recently had 4 packs of pudding for $1 so I ended up buying 10 of these because that will last awhile. Lunches on the weekends I try to make them hot meals so I do chicken nuggets, fish sticks, grilled cheese, soup, etc and so I make sure to stock up on these things when they go on sale.

I've gotten it down to a science where I only spend $100 for two weeks of meals for us. I use coupons, take advantage of every sale, and plan. I don't buy junk and extras and I only get what is on my list. I'll be honest, it takes me maybe a full hour to plan my menu, make my list and coupon. But I figure one hour of my time when the kids are in bed to save that much money on my groceries? Worth it.

Then every morning when I get up, I check my calendar to see what's for dinner and I take the meat out to defrost and set what ingredients I can on the counter so everything is ready to go when I get home. It makes my life a thousand times easier too.

Do I cook every night? No. Stuff comes up and we end up grabbing a pizza- but that's OK. I just save that planned meal for my next biweekly schedule and we're good.

So there you go. Do you have questions? Let me know- I'm happy to answer!

Dear Sara: I smell like popcorn and rotten milk.

2012-01-27T21:20:00.000-06:00

Hey bitches! It's Dear Sara Friday and this week it's going to be a mix of questions I've accumulated for the last three weeks. Not everything will get answered, but what I don't answer this week I'll finish up next.

I bet you want to know why I smell like popcorn and rotten milk, huh? Well I'll tell you Matt is not attracted to it at all so I may be onto something! But tonight we had a family PJ and movie night at my daughter's school and it was really well attended- double than what I thought it was going to be at least! So we had popcorn so though I didn't eat any, I just realized my clothes reek of it, which is fine. I also collected more milk caps to count (oh, there's a story coming on that.. just hold your britches) and I'm sure Matt is thrilled about it.

And on a side note, I think I need to get back onto my anti-anxiety medication again. I didn't have any panic attacks or anything tonight but I had a really hard time just going up to parents I didn't know. I was able to do it for awhile but as the night wore on I felt it getting more and more difficult. So yet another reason to make a doctor's appointment. Anyways. On with the show!
**
1. What are you listening to right now? My iTunes library is getting boring and I could use some new music. I hate to say it, but I've been really shitty with listening to new artists lately. I know, I have all the time in the world, right? Not right. But I have been listening to the Black Keys (their new album El Camino is so many shades of wonderful), Manchester Orchestra as usual (I am rediscovering their album Simple Math and really appreciating the lyrics in it). Other bands that have been on repeat are Airborne Toxic Event, Deer Hunter, Snow Patrol (why hasn't anyone told me how great Snow Patrol was? You should be ashamed of yourselves) and I'm not a country music fan per say, but dammit. I love me some Lady Antebellum and their new album is really great.

2. Where did you get your fuckmill? I'm somewhat in the market for one, especially after catching a glimpse of my reflection in a window at work. I was standing next to my pregnant friend and I was the fat one. (not that pregnant people are fat, but you know, they gain weight.) I can't afford much right now and I don't want to spend my entire tax return. After several gym memberships in my lifetime, I feel a fuckmill purchase is the better option. Oh, you mean the one I never use anymore and is currently holding the three bags of clothes I no longer fit into that need to be donated? I actually bought this one and I know I didn't pay that much for it. I had it shipped to store for free and poor Matt had to wrestle it into the house. Seriously- don't buy one of these unless you have a bunch of people to carry it in. But it was easy to put together and it does a decent job. The only thing I would complain about is that the incline? There is no button. You have to actually lift it up on these "legs" so it's not as easy as it sounds and I've never used it.

3. As a former hiring manager at a company, appearance was a big thing with me and as it is with most hiring managers I suspect. Since you have tattoos, would you ever get one that is prominently displayed? Do you think companies are more relaxed about them now with changing times and as people in their twenties are in the workforce? Or do you still think it makes a difference and know that you'd always have to be covered up in a professional setting? I ask because I'm thinking about getting a tattoo and I'm 23, just about ready to get into the workforce. My degree is in marketing/PR, so it's somewhat a "chill" and creative setting at some places. My mom tells me it's tacky. This is a super good question because I have been thinking about getting another tattoo (I only have one) for my 30th birthday. My problem is that I have no idea where to put it since I want it in a place that is easily covered and people wouldn't see it if I wore a strapless/sleeveless dress or whatever. The one I have is on my right outer thigh, so you only see it if I wear shorts or a swimsuit. Here's my thing- I have a lot of friends with visible tattoos and while they are beautiful pieces of art... you might look ridiculous when you're 70. And wrinkly. I also think that girls... (covering my head) kind of look trashy with really visible tattoos sometimes. This isn't 100% of the time, but really- I just don't think it looks feminine. So for me, I like tattoos and what they can represent but I also think about what it'll be like when I'm older. Am I really going to want to get formal family pictures with my grand kids with this big ass thing visible? No, not so much.

4. Confess something. What do we not know about our Lambwhore Leader? I'll even go first- I'm a total fan of British Royalty. Um.. I'm not sure. I would say the majority of people who are outside of my inner circle of friends don't know that I suffer from pretty horrible anxiety and panic attacks. I'm a really outgoing person and friendly to pretty much everyone I meet but I have to mentally work myself into it. Having to call strangers on the phone makes me ill to the point where I will vomit. Put me in a crowded room with strangers and I feel on the verge of passing out. I haven't always been this way but as I get older I find that it gets worse. In order to combat this, I keep trying to put myself in really social situations in an attempt to outsmart my brain? It rarely works, but if I didn't do this I'd be a recluse. Ironically, I thrive when I'm out and about and I don't like sitting at home doing nothing.

5. Why aren't you on Twitter? A few reasons: 1. I don't like birds. I'm not a fan of birds and the fact that Twitter's mascot is a bird, I'm not a fan of Twitter. 2. I don't think anybody gives two shits about what I am doing throughout the day. I see people tweet things like, "I know, right?" and it drives me CRAZY. Mostly because I think, if you have nothing constructive to add to a conversation other than "I know, right", shut up. Just do us a favor and shut up. 3. I get all confused with the hash tags and shit. 4. Who has time to stay up on that? I don't. As of late I'm hardly on Facebook because it's just one more thing to do and I could be doing something more constructive... like micromanaging Matt on the hole in the wall living room project.

6. Does Matt ever get mad about what you blog? No. I always tell him what I'm blogging about and when he isn't busy watching stupid shows on TV he sometimes reads it. (Matt- if you're reading this, you should get off the laptop and start putting drywall up. Kisses!)

7. Would you consider yourself spastic? Um, do you mean like Turret's (is that spelled right??)? Because then I'd say no. I'm more of an undercover smart ass? I'm not that loud and boisterous person calling others out. Instead, I'm more of a laid back person who'll say things quietly to the people around me like, "Are you serious right now? I know she isn't wearing white pants with zebra granny panties because that would be Walmart runway right there". But I definitely say I wasn't a wild or crazy person. Friends- weigh in?

8. You talked about menu planning- how do you do it? I think I should do this to cut down on groceries but I don't know how to get started. Check back this weekend- I'll give you the run down on what I do. It really is easy once you get yourself a system and schedule. I used to do my grocery shopping monthly (it was amazing) but because I work part time now, we don't have that much money on payday to do that, so I do a bi-weekly menu and grocery shopping trip. I will also say I never have to run to the store in the middle of the week, so it's great.

9. Your big 3-0 is coming.. are you doing anything fun? YES! I am! I was going to wait to post more about it when I had all of the details worked out... but yes. I am going to Chicago with my friends Amy, Emily and Tammy and it's going to be great. We'll be going over St. Patrick's Day weekend (so the week after my birthday, but that's ok) because I get to see the river dyed green again! Then we'll do the pizza thing, be tourists, go shopping, maybe eat at a Triple D restaurant and just have a good time with some of my very favorite friends. I wish I could get all of my friends to come, but maybe this summer I'll do another big girls weekend somewhere fun. We'll see. But I am really excited to go to Chicago with my friends and just celebrate my really great life. But on my actual birthday I am hoping to have dinner with my family and eat cake. And maybe console my mom who said she wouldn't feel old until I was 30!

10. You went to Vegas last year (right??), are you going anywhere this year? We are really trying hard to save up to go to Florida to see my family. I think if I use my tax return and save a set amount every payday we'll be able to go. We'll have to drive because we can't afford to fly, but it'll still be fun. So... coming soon?
**

Phew. I need to shower because every time I type I get a whiff of rotten milk. *gag* See you tomorrow for Domestic Bitch Saturday, bitches.

Unintentionally funny, for sale, and obsession. All in that order.

2012-01-26T19:49:00.000-06:00

I read to my kids every night. (So sometimes I can use it as punishment because it's their favorite thing and if they are REALLY bad then I tell them story time is in jeopardy. It works like a charm. Mostly.) We have a wide selection of books which is great because I don't find myself repeating the same books over and over again. Well... sometimes I do. But not as often as I imagine other parents do. Tonight Jackson's selection was called The Gym Teacher From the Black Lagoon and I totally got this one for free at the library book sale. What a score.

Anyways.

Here's the book. Pretty innocent, right?

Wrong. WRONG. Look at the gym teacher's shirt. Penn State, bitches. Do you see any girls in that picture? No. Um, so yeah. Someone should maybe question the author to see if he's secretly victim #231 or something. But the whole book is about how you shouldn't be afraid of your gym teacher. Let's see if THAT is on the shelf anymore.

Anyways.

I have been busy trying to get my Etsy shop into shape. I put a lot of things in the clearance section and reduced prices. I also have a few Valentine's Day things in there as well. AND... these cute new cards:

Aren't they cute?? I have a few more projects almost done so hopefully I can add more stuff to my shop soon. You know, in my free time and all.

Every time I get sad or stressed out I like to shop. Even when I can't afford it. Last week I got the books I ordered from the Barnes & Noble bargain section (which if you don't shop in there often, you are stupid and I question our friendship). All of this cost me $24. Hardcovers, baby!

I will full admit that the bottom three were purchased because their covers looked pretty. I'm superficial in that way, but it has never steered me wrong. I'm kind of excited to start reading these although my list of book reviews in the next three months is fairly hefty. Either way, I'm thrilled.

I also clean and organize like a freak when I'm stressed. At work yesterday I got laughed at because I had to straighten out paper. I couldn't take it anymore. The other day I organized all of the extra food in my pantry area by type, expiration date and color. Matt says he fears for my mental health. To that I say- you'll never grab the wrong pudding cups again.

Tomorrow is Dear Sara and I'll do my best to get a post out tomorrow night.. it'll be later than usual though. My daughter's school is having a family pajama and movie night that the PTO is putting on, and since I'm PTO President.. I'll be there. It'll be a fun night for people and it'll be a lot less work than the Harvest Fest in November, so I'm totally fine with it. BUT, get your questions to me for Dear Sara anyways- sarastrand9438(at)hotmail(dot)com.

Yours, Anonymous

2012-01-26T17:30:00.001-06:00

A few months ago I had read a book called 13 Reasons Why and I told you how amazing it was. I am a sucker for books that hook me in immediately with a story line I can relate to. I think everyone likes to read a book you can identify with with just a hint of something extra. So when I was given the opportunity to review this next book, I jumped at it because I felt like it would have the same impact for me.

And I was right.

Your, Anonymous by Peter David Orr

When Ashley White, a “geek” to many of his peers, develops a nervous crush on one of Franklin High School's most popular girls, he makes the decision to express his feelings through love letters, cards and poetry... never imagining his words could kill.

YOURS, ANONYMOUS is about good intentions gone wrong. It is a story of how an innocent crush can become "stalking" and "creepy" when the unknown, cliquishness, and envy come together at the wrong time and in lethal proportions.

What makes this book so good, for me, was that you are immediately hooked. It's a short book of only 77 pages so I got this done in about an hour. I really had a hard time putting it down so I could switch over laundry and feed the cats, it was that good.

Raise your hand if you ever had a crush, particularly in high school. Yeah, that would be pretty much all of us who aren't embarrassed to admit it. Now, raise your hand if it was a crush on a "popular" person and you weren't popular? At least half of you are still raising your hands. This story is so easy to relate to because most of you have been there, you like a person but you don't have the confidence to really say anything to them, so maybe you start with little notes. The harsh reality is that kids are cruel and unpopular kids just know to do their best to not give anyone fuel to ridicule them.

Unfortunately for Ashley, he was "discovered" and a couple of mean kids blew it out of proportion. It also highlights that high school kids don't have the natural logic required to really understand what consequences could come with harmless pranks. In this case, Ashley loses his life, much to the upset of Mary Ellen Gerhard. She is a fellow student who has turned her senior project into an investigative look at Ashley's death and the events leading up to it.

Particularly interesting is that the entire story is written as a series of interviews she conducted in her investigation. I don't want to talk about what happens, but I will say that the different personality types of the students completely fit for what you'd expect happens. It's a short read, it's well worth it, and if you are one to read books on bullying- add this to your list.

Wish You Were Here

2012-01-25T20:37:00.000-06:00

I want to do this book review for you because I want to show that I also read for fun, not just for assigned book reviews! I also like the author a lot AND because I got the book on my Milwaukee trip with my friend Amy!

Wish You Were Here- Jen Lancaster

Told in the uproariously entertaining voice readers have come to expect from Jen Lancaster, If You Were Here follows Amish-zombie-teen- romance author Mia and her husband Mac (and their pets) through the alternately frustrating, exciting, terrifying-but always funny-process of buying and renovating their first home in the Chicago suburbs that John hughes's movies made famous. Along their harrowing renovation journey, Mia and Mac get caught up in various wars with the homeowners' association, meet some less-than-friendly neighbors, and are joined by a hilarious cast of supporting characters, including a celebutard ex- landlady. As they struggle to adapt to their new surroundings- with Mac taking on the renovations himself- Mia and Mac will discover if their marriage is strong enough to survive months of DIY renovations.

OK. Now all of Jen's previous books had been memoirs, with my hands down favorite being Such a Pretty Fat. I've read every book of hers, but that one is hands down her best. Every book after it has gotten worse (for me) and basically feel as if she's trying too hard. The kicker is that she doesn't need to- she's a naturally funny person, but I feel like maybe she's done what she could with memoirs. So when it was announced she was doing a fiction book... I was thrilled.

Until I read it. First off, the characters of Mac and Mia are obviously characters of Jen and her husband Fletch. Right away I felt let down that she didn't reach for something completely outside of her norm and try something new. Not the case.

I thought I could really relate to the story though because it's about new homeowners and the nightmare of home improvement- we all know I've been there and have tales to tell. As I continued my reading I felt more and more disappointing because at a point it just becomes unrealistic and far reaching. I almost closed the book all together when the one contractor comes into the picture because it was just over the top. And the ending? Mike Holmes? Really, Jen?

So if I had to give this a rating out of 5 stars, I would honestly give it one. It's a harsh rating, but it's deserved but this book was not nearly as entertaining as it could have been.

Update on Olivia.

2012-01-25T20:06:00.000-06:00

So many have emailed me about an update for Olivia, so I thought I would just post them on here so I don't have to email everyone every 15 minutes. Not that I don't love emailing you all, because I do, but I am kind of overwhelmed with life right now.

I have already spoken with her teacher and I am confident that things will be handled on a classroom level. I am going to continue talking with Olivia to monitoring what's really going on. Conferences come up in March so by then I'll know if things have gotten better, stayed the same, or gotten worse.

Today when I came home from a long day at work, on very little sleep, Olivia announces she peed her pants at school. Again. This is easily for fifth time this school year and I'm at a loss. I've taken the "it's OK, accidents happen" route, I've taken the "You need to try potty, even when you don't feel it" route, I've gone the "If you pee your pants- kids will tease you" route, I'm seriously at a damn loss. Originally, she told me her accidents were because she didn't want miss what was happening in class. Completely understandable, but there are plenty of scheduled bathroom times throughout their day that it shouldn't be a problem.

I'm at a loss on how to curb this now. If you have ANY ideas for me, let me know. I need some. I know that she shouldn't be disciplined for an accident but I tell you- my gut reaction is to be angry. And frustrated. I'm so frustrated over it not because this is new but because I've struggled with her bathroom accidents since she was potty training. First it was all of the poop accidents that turned out to be her holding it for so long she lost control. We all remember that, right? So this, to me, is just another phase of this. I don't understand why she has all of these issues. It's frustrating to say the least. *sigh*

In the meantime, I have a whole list of parenting books to read and I'm kind of excited to tackle this and report back to you. If nothing else, this has highlighted even more to me that there isn't enough help out there for parents with school age children. All of these parenting advocacy groups have no fucking clue and quite honestly, I feel outraged that more parents aren't speaking up about this. I understand why a focus is on infant and toddler development- it's the foundation for the child's entire life. I am just surprised with all of the issues of self esteem, bullying, etc that there aren't more resources out there for parents.

Terrible Tuesdays.

2012-01-24T20:46:00.000-06:00

I've mentioned before how I don't really like Tuesdays. They are generally a pain in the ass and I'll take a Monday over a Tuesday any time.

Today was just harder because I'm worried about Olivia, Jackson seemed out of sorts during toddler class, and I have a lot of things running through my head about the PTO at Olivia's school, bills we have coming up, and trying to plan a vacation to see my family. My head is overloaded.

After working for a few hours this morning, I took Jackson to toddler school. My mom said he was kind of crabby today, but I chalked that up to him being up in the middle of the night because of Olivia. *sigh* When we got there, he was really good during circle time and even cuddled with me, so that was good. He wasn't interested in snack so much but I knew he had a decent lunch shortly before, so no worries. At the end of the parenting session, his teacher tells me he's kind of teary, asking for his doggie, and she thinks he is maybe getting sick. Ugh. So I get him into the van and I was dropping him off at Matt's work so I could go to Olivia's Girl Scout meeting.

Apparently, after I dropped Jackson off with Matt, he threw up. All over Matt inside of his work. Which... is kind of hilarious? So I get the text while I'm hauling garbage out of the PTO closet at the school and reorganizing. I tell Matt to get him home, pajamas on, and if he has a fever give him something for it.

Then I go into the Girl Scout meeting and man. Does anyone remember when I toyed with the idea of being the Girl Scout leader? But then I was the PTO Vice President at the time and was thinking I couldn't possibly take on another thing? I haven't taken it on, don't worry, but good god I wish I had. The girls run crazy, some of the older ones are just.... rude? I don't know. Maybe that's what second grade girls are like and I just don't know it yet. But it's disorganized and I feel like they aren't really doing anything? I almost wish I would have signed her up with a huge group instead of this small, made at the last minute group? But we got the flyer information for a Daughter/Dad dance which you KNOW I'm making Matt go to. Olivia is more excited to get a fancy dress and fancy hair.

After we leave Girl Scouts, I had to run to the store with Olivia to get her classroom snacks for tomorrow since it's her turn to bring them. By the time we got home it was 5pm and I hadn't been home since 7:30 am. I'm informed Jackson is still puking, Olivia starts demanding dinner, and my cats are meowing for love.

Folks, I'm tired. I am so emotionally exhausted, I am mentally exhausted, and I feel like I have nothing left to give to anyone.

So it's about time I change that.

I'm going to have a girls weekend in February with my friend Amy. It won't be all fun and games, I am going to see my friend Jessica who's been at the Mayo Clinic since December. Her spirits seem like they are waning, so I want to see her. It's so weird, she's the friend I've had the longest and though we've been apart for so long, having been reconnected a couple of years ago.. I feel weird that's she isn't here. Is that strange?

And then the death of a recent coworker has kind of lit a fire under my ass about seeing my family in Florida again. I hate to be morbid but you really don't know when anyone is going to pass away and I don't want to regret not visiting. Sure, I could use the money to fix the giant hole in my living room wall, insulate the foundation of my house or put the god damn laundry sink in. I could. But then if someone got sick or passed away and I didn't visit them, I'd hate knowing I didn't take the opportunity when I could.

So, I am trying to plan a trip for June. I'm going to be frugal and it'll be tight financially to make it happen, but I want my family to know my kids and vice versa. This also means... (drum roll)...

my 30/30 list might be done. Unfinished.

To be continued. :)

Parenting kind of sucks. And so do other parents.

2012-01-23T19:32:00.000-06:00

I have never been one to sugar coat things for anyone, but most especially you. I also am the first person to admit I am basically flying through parenting blind. I felt so prepared and educated when my kids were babies and toddlers, but once they hit school age- bam! You are on your own. Nobody has concrete advice that works, nobody holds classes on what you can do to solve the problems and resolve the issues that get thrown at you. Nothing. Suddenly all of the "experts" are clueless and it makes me feel duped into believing I really do have a support safety net of smart people to fall back on.

Because surely I could use one right about now.

So for my new followers, my darling daughter Olivia is six. She is awesome, cheerful, funny, smart, creative, and wonderful in so many ways. She's also in Kindergarten. She really loves Kindergarten, absolutely adores her teachers (she has two because the class is so large) and for the most part this school year has really enjoyed going every day. She even loves her homework packet every week and believe me when I gave a fist pump to baby jeebus on that because a lot of kids in her class hate the homework packet.

My daughter is also fairly shy in new situations and she is not that kid to just run up to you and say hello. She is respectful, kind, and sensitive. She has a tender heart and honest to god my fear in life is that her spirit would break because she seems like the kind of person who would suffer a crushed spirit easily.

For the past few weeks I have noticed that Olivia is having more pee accidents (at school and at night) and that is my first flag something is up. She seems more anxious, easily upset, and easily defeated. Any time I give her direction or tell her she can't do something, she literally looks like I have crushed all of the joy in her life. And though I know I'm parenting and trying to encourage positive behavior, etc... I feel like shit.

Then last week my mom brought her to school because I had to work and a classmate flat out told Olivia she had "vampire teeth". In front of my mom. My first reaction is, what kind of parent raised their kids to speak like that in front of another adult? Not even just the fact that they blatantly tease another kid, but to do it in front of an adult. Is respect a growing fad? My mom defended Olivia and I really thought that after talking to her about sticking up for herself we'd be OK. We had a talk that night before bed as we always do, but I realized my kid does NOT talk about anything. She just started crying when I asked her if any other kids say or do mean things to her.

I will tell you nothing in your life will make you feel as shitty of a person as that moment right there.

She tells me that there are boys that scream in her face on the playground, there are kids who push her and her friend off of playground equipment, there is one boy who teases her when she doesn't get her "center work" done as fast as him, and sometimes kids don't want to play with her. I basically felt like crying myself, but instead we talked through some things and she seemed to perk up.

The next day as we're getting ready for school, Olivia asks me for a bigger shirt. When I saw the shirt she had on, it fit perfectly, so I asked why she needed a bigger shirt. She then tells me it's because she's fat and you can see her tummy. Folks? My daughter is rail thin. She's tall and lanky. She's so skinny I have a hard time buying clothes for her because everything literally droops off her body. If anything, she needs to fatten up. She's six and only 40 pounds. On a good day. The girl is not fat. So I have to have the "you are not fat, you are beautiful just the way you are" talk with her. It felt inadequate because I know when someone tells me I'm not fat, I usually just say, "thanks" but in my head I'm really saying "moo". (Now, before you ask- I don't talk about my weight, I don't obsess over what I eat, I don't weigh myself, etc in front of my kids. In fact, it's a non-topic in the house.)

So then I take her to school and as we get to the door she grabs my hand and kind of walks behind me. Which... weird because this is new. It turns out, it's the boy who screams in her face on the playground. Then another kid in her class is like, "HEY! You can't go in there!" (meaning the area they have coat hooks- the rule is kids have to stay out until the bell rings). I get permission because I have Jackson and if I don't get in/out of there not only he, but I also will be trampled. So I tell the girl that she can mind her own business and that she needs to respect adults.

Good lord.

Olivia then breaks down into tears begging me to take her home. Obviously, I'm not going to do that because she needs to be in school but really- what do you say? She was hysterical and I couldn't even get her to tell me what was going on. After almost five minutes of reassuring her she was going to have a good day (and hoping this wasn't a blatant lie), she calmed down enough to go to class. I emailed her teacher and I think we have a plan on how to handle this in the classroom.

Since then, though? She is withdrawn. Today her and Jackson were being loud and running around the living room and after not listening to me to stop running, I sent them upstairs to play. Nevermind the fact they think being told to play in their rooms is the end of the world, she looked so sad. If I had beat her senseless- she would have had the same expression, no exaggeration.

At bedtime, she mysteriously changed her pajamas and when Matt asked her why, she just said she wanted new. Well, when I tucked her in I realized she had peed her bed last night. I asked her, and she lied. It's not that she peed the bed- it happens, but it's that she lied to both of us. So I told her she just lost bed time stories for the week. I have nothing else to punish her with really, she just really loves story time. (Especially because we read chapter books and every night is a chapter.)

But god dammit. I don't know what to do. I have a lot of issues here:

1. My kid is being bullied at school. In kindergarten. Wrap your head around that, folks.
2. I feel like I have to do something big for her right now because I feel like we're on that cusp of losing her? Not losing her as in life/death, but I feel like her spirit that I love so much is going away? Does that make sense?
3. I have read books, articles, studies, etc on all of this and none of it makes a damn when it's your own kid.
4. In the back of my mind, I wonder if I am unintentionally harder on Olivia than I am with Jackson because I have such high hopes for her? I feel like my parents had higher expectations for me growing up and sometimes that was hard. I knew I was loved, but sometimes I felt like I wasn't quite meeting the bar? So now I'm worried that I am inadvertently doing the same thing to Olivia. I don't know how to even change that because I don't realize I'm doing it. And that is a tough pill to swallow.
5. I feel a lot of pressure to do the right thing because I am worried I'm going to screw up my kids and they'll end up like those brats on 16 and Pregnant or something.

So there you go. I'm sitting here tonight with all kinds of funny things I could post right now, but this weighs heavy on my heart and my mind. I know I'm a good mom. I know that I try my absolute best. I do everything I can for my kids and yet it doesn't feel enough. Is this really how it is? Forever? Because I know for damn sure that chapter was never in the What To Expect books.

Weekend of Awesome.

2012-01-22T19:36:00.000-06:00

So... you maybe noticed I was pretty much MIA over the weekend, right? I know a few of you did because I got a few emails asking were the Dear Sara post was, whatever happened to Domestic Bitch Saturdays, and yeah- where have I been?

I've been out, bitches. Deal.

I do have questions that came in for Dear Sara... I'll just combine them with next week. I had all the intentions of getting a post done for that, but I was on a date with my adorable and lovely friend Emily on Friday night. A few months ago she mentioned to me that one of her favorite musicals, Avenue Q was coming to Duluth and that I absolutely have to go. The bonus is that her husband who is super talented and has better taste in clothing than I do, was going to be in it and so I should double want to go. And then when she said we'd go to dinner before hand it kind of sealed the deal. (And honestly? This could have been the worst musical ever and I would have gone because I am sick of my house with it's dust and milk cap mountain- more on that another day.)

But if you have never seen Avenue Q, I suggest you find it and go. Seriously, you have to go. It's basically Sesame Street for grown up's with really fantastic puppets. Not to mention grossly inappropriate songs you should be offended by, but dammit- it's so true and you can't help but nod your head. And wish it was on your iPod. Songs such as..

Or..

And I have to say- all of the show clips I've seen on YouTube are no where near as good as the performance I saw, so bravo to the actors and actresses on Friday. My other favorite? The Bad Idea Bears. The Bad Idea Bears need to have their own show somewhere. On TV. It could be amazing.

Anyways. It was such a great play and the highlight was seeing the grandma next to Emily laugh hysterically when the puppets started shouting things about pussies and internet porn. That right there? I wish I had on tape. It was that great. I still don't know what was funnier- puppets shouting such things or the woman laughing hysterically and clapping like a hyena for more.

So then yesterday... shit. I don't know what I even did yesterday? Good god. I know I cleaned but you don't really care about that so much I don't think. I've been trying to get some new stuff done for my Etsy shop but Michaels is out of god damn adhesive. They NEVER have adhesive. Start rant: as a craft store, if you see that you are consistently running out of adhesive and know full well that when you have everything on sale, us scrapbookers use our 40% off coupon on adhesive, wouldn't you stock the shit? WOULDN'T YOU? If you were the Duluth Michaels store, you wouldn't because you are lame and stupid. End rant.

But right now, I'm going to clean copious amounts of what I'm sure to be asbestos laden dust particles off of my furniture. Matt started ripping plaster and lath and wouldn't you know, didn't put a drop cloth down. On anything. Don't worry- you'll hear more about that soon.

Winter makes people assholes.

2012-01-19T20:14:00.000-06:00

Every year I am astounded how people suddenly forget how to drive, are rude, and generally irresponsible. Today is was cold enough to make boogers freeze and your eyes ache- when I went to warm up my van it was -12. For those of you who don't experience this, that means 12 degrees below zero. It's kind of a horrifying experience and I don't recommend it to anyone.

I realize nobody really enjoys your boogers freezing in your nose, your ears hurting, your eyes throbbing from the cold, but come on. You don't have to be a rude asshole.

This morning I took Olivia to school which involves me loading two kids into the van, driving a few blocks, unloading two kids, walking them into the school, help her get all her winter gear off, then walk Jackson back out, load him up, go to my next spot. It's a really tedious task. When I got her at school and was walking Jackson out of the school, we almost got run over by a minivan with a mom on a cell phone. Even though we were in the crosswalk and looked both ways, she literally whipped around the corner driving way too fast and then gives me the finger. Never mind I almost peed myself and pushed Jackson out of the way.

After I got myself to calm the hell down, I get him into the van all safe, and we proceed to drive home. Then out of nowhere, a car completely runs a stop sign (I didn't have one), and I slammed on my breaks. That car barely stopped in time. I rolled down my window, she rolls her down, and I yell, "Hey! You're in a neighborhood and you just ran a stop sign!" She gives me the finger and tells me you don't have to stop at all of them.

Um, really? Because I'm pretty sure that is a universal road law?

After I dropped Jackson off at my mom's today so I could go to work, I made a quick stop at the gas station to get a soda because I had a migraine coming on and needed some caffeine. While at the gas station, there was a guy taking his time at the coolers and I just waited patiently. He looks at me and is like, "stop rushing me!" Um, whoa. I'm standing here looking at my other options buddy. Once he left, I got my Pepsi and made it to the checkout. My soda was just under $2 and I don't have cash, so I gave the woman my debit card. She rolls her eyes at me and completely huffs at me.

Really? It's not like I'm trying to pay you in pennies- I'm using a debit card, which means little work for her. She has to swipe it, that's it. But she huffs at me. So when she gives it back to me and my transaction is done, I say, "Have a good day!" super cheerful, like I do with every cashier I encounter, and she mutters, "whatever". Really? What is the point of being rude to me? What did I do that warranted that kind of rudeness?

The kicker of just my morning? While walking into work, I'm following a guy, who saw me right behind him (maybe 4 or 5 paces) and he wouldn't even hold the door open for me. Good lord. I always hold the door open if I know someone is behind me. ALWAYS. It's just being a decent person- but this guy couldn't do it. And didn't care that I had my hands full of stuff.

Jerk.

Reader Rally- Mega Giveaway!

2012-01-17T18:26:00.001-06:00

Currently Romance at Random is hosting a Reader Rally Mega Giveaway and you can enter to win several books. I am encouraging you to go HERE to check out all of the other blogs to see what books they are giving away as well as your chance to enter the GRAND prize for free books.

I am offering TWO book giveaways here on my blog for you all to try to win. Click on the book title and author name underneath each picture to be directed to the Barnes & Noble product page featuring reviews, overview, and other book information. Both of these books are romances... kind of. They aren't the sweep you off your feet and fall in love romances, but instead have a suspense element to them. Basically, they aren't your typical romance and I encourage you to give them a try.

"Rebecca" by Daphne Du Maurier

and

"The Lantern" by Deborah Lawrenson

Mandatory Entry:

*Must be a follower on this blog via GFC and leave a comment (with your email address so I contact you)

Extra Entries:

*Enter to win the Grand Prize (here) , then come back and leave me a comment saying you did

*Tweet this giveaway (leave comment)

*Facebook this giveaway (leave comment)

*Blog about this giveaway (leave comment and link)

*"like" Romance at Random on Facebook

Drawing will close on January 31, winner announced February 1. Good luck!

I probably should be a private investigator.

2012-01-16T19:53:00.000-06:00

So do you remember how LAST January I was telling you about my van window being shot out?And how this had become a really unfortunate sick joke every year? And how I suspected it was the punk fucking teenagers across the street?

Yeah, pass the Rock Star Banner to me, because I was right!

So maybe I don't have actual evidence, but I have some information that is kind of awesome!

So for WEEKS I've been telling Matt something happened to the neighbors- they have been M.I.A and I see their car pull up, stay for less than 5 minutes and leave, maybe once every two weeks. Odd. And you know me- I'm kind of a vigilante in my 'hood so I'm freaking curious. Yesterday while Matt was hauling in milk caps (long story, don't ask) he sees the husband/dad/guy and goes over, knowing full well I would have been pissed had he missed this opportunity, and got the scoop.

TURNS OUT, the house is in foreclosure because he lost his job and they can't afford the mortgage, etc. The wife/mom and kids are living in a rental somewhere else in Superior and they need to be out by March. Sad situation all around for sure.

Except for me? Because all of my van windows are intact. *squee* Suck it, neighbors! Every year they lived there, every one's windows would be shot out in January, and the one year they don't live there, no windows shot out? The kicker is the wife/mom is the car insurance agent for pretty much everyone in our neighborhood- which makes me wonder, do they get commission based on claims? Seems a bit strange that it would always happen the first week of January every year.

The other great news is that I won't have to deal with asshole teenagers playing and hanging out in the middle of the street every day, refusing to move. I won't have to deal with four wheelers and snow mobiles going through my yard at all hours of the night, leaving garbage in my yard and being passive aggressive assholes. Sure, it sucks it's foreclosing because my property values go to shits because someone is fiscally irresponsible, but honestly? I hope I get new neighbors soon that are cool. And who knows? Maybe the new people will paint the house to a normal color instead of the obscene blue color it is now.

KY Intimacy Experiment: Week 9- Dangerous Liaisons

2012-01-15T19:56:00.000-06:00

I am going to be wrapping up the KY Intimacy Experiment this week, which means that the giveaway chances are running out. If you are just tuning into this- basically Matt and I are working through the KY Intimacy Experiment and I'm blogging about it. You can check all of the previous posts and comment on each one for added chances to win your OWN experiment kit!

Week One: Love Nest
Week Two: It's Not Just About Sex
Week Three: Everything Old is New Again
Week Four: Outside the Comfort Zone
Week Five: Fun and Games
Week Six: Getting Back In Touch
Week Seven: Sometimes Fantasy
Week Eight: In Good Taste

*****
Basically the summary of this week is that quite frankly.... being with the same person, in any capacity but most importantly sexually, can get boring. Maybe not boring per say, but it becomes routine. Routine isn't always terrible but too much routine can be a problem and in some cases, make a person want to look for something more exciting. Matt and I are lucky in that we haven't gotten to that point and I'd say we were fairly adventurous or at least try to switch things up if it feels like we are in a rut.

This week our daytime exercise was to find an activity that will be "fresh and exciting for both of you". Now, we're broke. Maybe we aren't completely broke, but all of the money we have coming in each month is earmarked for bills, current house projects or kid related things on the horizon, so we can't afford to do any adrenaline junkie activities that I would like to do. Instead, we have been stealing from previous weeks and trying to do more and more together.

For example- how many other couples re-wire electrical outlets together? He maybe wasn't scared but I certainly was. We've been doing our living room project with no fighting- an absolute first for us. I'm kind of proud of us, not even going to lie.

Our night activity was to try to keep the adrenaline going by using whatever you would be comfortable with- handcuffs, restraints, blindfold, etc. I'm not going to tell you what we used... but I will tell you it was a good night. I have to say that as this experiment winds down I can honestly say it's injected a little something extra not just in the bedroom, but with our relationship as a whole.

I will do week ten probably on Tuesday or Wednesday, so hurry up and enter all of the previous weeks to increase your chances of winning!

GIVEAWAY

*You must be a follower via Google Friend Connect (GFC) and make sure you leave your comment with an email address.

Mandatory Entry:

*Comment on this post and answer the following question: if you could do an "adrenaline pumping activity" with your companion- what would it be?

Extra Entries: (leave separate comment on each)

*Tweet this giveaway

*Link to this giveaway on Facebook

*"Like" Couples Place on Facebook

*Blog about my series

Good luck!

The Dive.

2012-01-14T21:31:00.000-06:00

It's time for another book review, I'm back into the swing of things everyone!

The Dive- Peter David Orr

THE DIVE is a story of a man who goes to the extreme of faking his death in order to start a new life... and the woman who saves him from himself.
Michael and Maria are flawed, yet redeemable characters who walk a tightrope of events that seem to be ripped from the current headlines. You will see the world through their eyes as they struggle to find meaning, love and life. Readers uniformly agree on the THE DIVE'S intensely personal realism and overriding sense of authenticity.
A strong narrative storyline seamlessly blends elements of intrigue, high tension and romantic suspense.

The first you get from reading this book is that the author is smart. You can tell right from the get go because of the amount of detail that goes into the book. Between the political knowledge, the rich detail of the various settings that make it almost too easy to picture it in your head, to knowing that the author probably did immense research to put this book together. I will say that all of the detail was a little overwhelming in some areas and it doesn't necessarily make it a quick read.

But I encourage you to keep reading because under all of that detail is a story that people can relate to. You know when life gets a bit overwhelming and you think it would just be nice to start all over? Go somewhere nobody knows you, you have no history, and start all over. This is exactly what Michael toys with in the beginning of the book and how a trip overseas puts this into action after meeting, and falling in love with, Maria.

Without getting into detail, because it would absolutely ruin it for you, I will tell you that this book is an ambitious read that you'll enjoy. If you are interested in politics, international travel, or starting all over- this book is for you.

I encourage you to check out Beachfront Press to see all of the books available. Hopefully I'll get a chance to review some more for you, but if you like to support authors, shop here.

Ten. (The one where I get mushy.)

2012-01-13T19:29:00.000-06:00

So today is Friday the 13th but it is also the ten year anniversary of Matt and I's first date. Back then, I was fresh off of a break up from my first serious boyfriend and then my regretful rebound. I was working two jobs, full time in college, feeling kind of lost in life, and leery about getting into another relationship.

Matt was single, he had a job, he was going to college, and he worked with my mom at a local hardware store. So I knew who he was, but I didn't really know him.

My mom had been saying for months that I should go out with Matt, he was a nice kid who wasn't... well he wasn't like my first boyfriend. Which, by the way, I was engaged to when I was 17. Probably not the smartest decision, but I eventually got stuff turned around for me.

But Matt asked me out to a movie or something, and so on what I am pretty sure was Sunday, January 13, 2002 he picked me up at my house. We went to the movie rental store and got two movies, Pearl Harbor and The Fast and the Furious. I hated Pearl Harbor and cannot tell you what happened? I do know it was impossibly long. I also know that the house Matt was sharing with two other guys was freezing. To the point where you had to wear your winter jacket inside.

We completely hit it off and things went fairly fast. I knew right away that he was a good guy and that this was going to be long term. We moved into our first apartment in July, we got engaged in October, and were married in 2004, a little over two years after our first date.

Never did I imagine that we'd get married, have babies, make a home, and have such a great life. I'm glad that we've been able to weather the obstacles that have come our way. I'm glad I have such an awesome guy to call my husband.

So here's to our ten years and all that we have in front of us.

Dear Sara: One Hot Minute.

2012-01-12T20:13:00.000-06:00

So the Dear Sara series was gone for a hot minute, but we're back and we're back with some... interesting questions. In no particular order:

1. What happened to the book reviews? You probably don't care, but my reading list most is made up of what you tell me I need to read. Your picks haven't been wrong yet, but have you stopped reading? Because I'm low on books. No, I haven't stopped reading. I do have book reviews to get done and some will be posted this weekend. My reading calendar kind of opened up for January so I'm trying to get through as many as I can but so far it's not been good. I have more books lined up for review, I have some giveaways happening, and more. Stay tuned.

2. Are you going to finish the KY Intimacy Experiment? YES! That too will be finished up this weekend, the giveaway drawing will happen next week and then I have a pretty cool promotional thing for you guys as well. So... stay tuned again.

3. What does your husband think of your blog? He reads it when he feels like reading but I always tell him what I'm blogging about, particularly if I am going to mention him. He has always been really supportive and is continually astounded by how great my blogger friends are.

4. Are you weirded out when random strangers email you about stuff? Do you respond to them? Yes, I respond to every email I get, especially if it is a reader. I think a lot of my readers can relate to me because we are pretty similar, so usually I strike up friendships with most of them and that's pretty cool. I get questions from readers who are going through something I've written about but don't necessarily feel comfortable putting it out there for Dear Sara, but I respond and hopefully I give them another point of view to look at? But no, I don't get weirded out.

5. I was wondering what TV shows you regularly watch and what TV shows are guilty pleasures. I personally am a TV junkie and watch a little of everything, including a lot of stuff on TLC--couponing shows, little people shows, shows with a million kids--they amaze and entertain me. So anyways...what do you watch and/or love to hate to watch? I love reality TV. I pretty much cannot stop myself from watching things like Basketball Wives, Baseball Wives, Love & Hip Hop, Mob Wives, Road Rules/Real World Challenges, Sister Wives, Hoarders, Intervention, Storage Wars, Extreme Couponing, etc. I'm kind of a mess. And I always DVR Dr. Phil because though I know most people don't like him, I do. Because I think he's kind of a common sense person and the advice he gives seems pretty fucking logical to me. I can't watch every show of his because I'm sorry, but shows about obese people just make me angry. Because I kind of don't feel bad? And anytime people are crying, switch the channel. That makes me sound terrible, but I have no time for people who just cry over life when they could make it better but instead choose to be lazy? And all of the wife shows? Every time Matt gets irritated by my lecture about proper towel folding and he complains? I put one of those shows on so he can see how good he really has it.

6. How is your 30/30 list coming? And are you really writing a book? My list is in serious trouble. The problem is that I don't think I can finish it all? I'm going to make a damn good effort to get a few more off before my dirty 30 in March, but some things might get rolled onto the 40/40 list. Yes, I am writing two books, though I don't think I'll finish either one before my birthday either. I'm trying, though!

7. I have been with my boyfriend for two years and he's mentioned getting married. It makes me nervous because even though I love him, I don't know if he is "The One". How do you know? I feel like I should just know, but then maybe not? I'm confused and worried about it because I think he's going to ask soon? Confession: I don't know when you know someone is "The One". I always believed in it until I was engaged and about 2 months from my wedding date. I remember telling Lisa, my maid of honor, that I wasn't sure I was making the right decision? Mostly because when you are dating or even engaged you could always leave. If stuff went bad, I could always just move out on my own and be done. Once you're married, and even more so when you have kids, you are kind of stuck? It's not as easy as moving your stuff out and blocking their calls. So I freaked out. Matt and I have been together ten years as of tomorrow (woot), and will be married eight in June and I will tell you know that being married is HARD. I think people give up too easily on marriage because it is very hard to compromise 24/7 every day of your life on things you don't agree on. I think there is a lot of pressure for people to get married but they don't ever talk about how difficult it is to be with someone long term. After awhile you start to get pissed off at dumb things they do, like how they take their socks off, and that just morphs into something bigger. But my advice is that if you trust the person with your life, if you love him unconditionally (and really? That means being OK with his sock removal process), and know that you could work through any problem (sickness, cheating, lying, money problems, etc) then you are OK. Because those three things together will get you through a lot. But I am a HUGE proponent to marriage counseling, even when things are good, and pre-marital financial counseling. You have to be on the same page about money because money can make or break you and I'm not even kidding.
**

OK. That's it for this week lambies! If you have a question for me, send me an email to: sarastrand9438(at)hotmail(dot)com.

Have a fabulous night and check back this weekend! (And someone get me a few more followers so I get off of the "666"- it's freaking me out.)

Cathy is pretty much dead. And should carpet match the curtains?

2012-01-11T19:51:00.000-06:00

So.. Cathy is dying.

Don't know who Cathy is? Cathy is my bitch of a computer I've had for eight years. We've had some good times. Matt has repaired her and patched her up a lot, which I've appreciated. Mostly? There have been a few times (three) where he's reloaded my computer and you know- deleted my ENTIRE music library which, back in the day for you younguns', didn't have a backup like iTunes. No. It was all on your hard drive and you just hoped that when your husband said he was backing it up for you on his super duper software and other computer, that he included that.

But you hoped in vain because that asshole deleted your stuff three times.

Don't even get me started on my fonts that I spent MONTHS downloading and selecting for specific projects that he just lost.

*sigh*

But Cathy has turned fickle for me and I'm not happy. I've known for awhile that she's failing in her elderly age and any normal person would start evaluating their options to make a sound decision before she died completely. Except that wouldn't be me because I'm grossly unprepared to make decisions on anything. Do I go with another desktop but smaller, or do I bite the bullet and get a laptop? I don't know. I can't decide. There are so many pros/cons to both and I know that no matter what I'll hate my decision and wish I went the other way. Because I'm pretty much like that- I hate having to be the one to decide. Instead, I'd rather someone else make the decision so I am free to complain about it.

I'm sure Matt appreciates my approach to decision making as well.

So I need to decide because yesterday she just started randomly turning on and off and then making beeping noises. I think that would be the equivalent to a pace maker failing or something. Sad day for Cathy. I just hope Matt can get his shit together and back all of my stuff up before she for real coughs out on me. So in the meantime I'm using Matt's laptop with the broken "i" key. If I need to type anything with an "i" in it, I have to bang that key a lot. Imagine how long this paragraph has taken me.

In other news, we went and briefly looked at carpet last night. And holy balls, Batman- carpet is expensive! Jesus. If I hadn't already peed before we left I would have urinated on myself standing in Home Depot. Anything worth buying is like $2 a square foot. Now, I could go the cheap route and hate my decision (see above paragraphs) because the carpet won't be nice and soft, but I'll be able to eat and you know, pay my bills. But if I get the stuff that is quality, will last for a long time, and I won't feel bad making Matt sleep on when he snores too loud at night, that would be my entire tax return. I think. I'm not even for sure because I didn't have the guts to look up the price of the pad or installation. Matt even said I looked a little flush in the face.

And THEN, we have to switch all of the outlets from two prong thingies to three prong thingies and we have like 5 or 6 outlets in our living room. We basically spent $25 on new outlets, the new outlet box thingies, and covers. I felt robbed. But then when I saw that these toilet thingers that make your toilet not sound like a waterfall through the ceiling were on sale, we got one. Our upstairs toilet is SO LOUD, though Matt thinks I have a hearing problem. I think I'm fine because everyone else can hear it, so he's obviously deaf. Which sucks because if it comes down to carpet versus hearing aides, I'm going with carpet because after finding a used condom under it, that takes priority. Sorry, Matt.

Remember lambwhores, Dear Sara is tomorrow so if you have questions for me- now is your chance to email me- sarastrand9438(at)hotmail(dot)com. Make 'em good.

Dry. Like a desert.

2012-01-10T20:21:00.000-06:00

Before I forget, I've been asked... so YES I am bringing back Ask Sara. Submit your questions (about me, for me, life advice, whatever) to sarastrand9438(at)hotmail(dot)com. I put it on the back burner for awhile only because life is busy and you know how it is. But the never fear- I'm hear to solve your problems again.

YAY.

Anyways. So one question I've gotten a bunch recently is why I don't drink alcohol. First people are usually shocked that I can be so bitchy, sassy and sarcastic sober. Second, shock usually turns to horror when they realize that yes, you actually can have an insane life sober and without drinking. So let me tell you- yes, I am a non-drinker. Always. (OK, I've had a beer, and I can count on one hand how many drinks I have ever had in my life)

But it's not because I'm usually too broke to drink, but more so because my biological father is an alcoholic. I don't have a relationship with him and basically haven't my entire life, but the effects of his drinking have stayed with me. When I think about my dad I don't have any positive memories of him and that's mostly because he was drunk. And.. not so nice.

I also have a few of not being in control of my actions. I don't want to have one of those nights where you have to ask people the morning after what it was you did and where your other shoe is. I think about the cost of drinking... and figure I could spend that money on something better. I have no problem being with a group of friends who are drinking, but if you are going to get sloppy drunk and be over the top where every single person is staring at you or you are on the verge on puking in my vehicle? Deal breaker. I don't judge people who do drink because it's every person's choice. I will be honest when I say I lose a little respect for people, specifically girls, who talk about drinking for fun. There is something kind of sad about people who sit at home to drink. A glass of wine at dinner? Sure. Talking about enjoy a bottle of whatever on the weekend? Sad.

But here's the thing- I like knowing I can have a good time without relying on alcohol. How many people drink to have a good time and end up looking like an asshole? Lots. But the best part is I will never be one of them. I like knowing that I may be outspoken, sarcastic, sometimes bitchy, sometimes funny, but always classy. You will never catch me looking or acting like a hot mess.

Ultimately? My fear is if I do drink... what if I slip over the line of casual drinking an alcoholism? Have you ever met an alcoholic who knows when they crossed that line? No, because it's a gradual move. I look at my family and all that I have worked so hard for and I don't want my kids to have a parent like my biological father. They deserve so much more and it's my responsibility to give them that.

So that? Is why this chicklet doesn't drink.

All I wanted was some baseboards.

2012-01-09T20:55:00.000-06:00

I'm a simple gal, really. Scoff all you want, but I like simple things and I just don't really believe in killing yourself for dumb reasons. I don't understand why you see homeowners go into massive amounts of debt for a killer backyard when you can only use it for three months a year (at least around here). Or when you see people re-doing things because their tastes have changed or simply because they think they can afford it.

Int his economy and being realistic on what you could sell your home for, it doesn't make sense to spend a lot of money. And I think people think if they throw down $10,000 on a bathroom that they are always going to see a return on their money. You might.... but assume you won't. That's my theory. Mostly because I don't have the cash to be throwing around.

But we've lived in our house for six years. We've done a lot to the house (added a bedroom and a dining room, gutted and replaced the ghetto bathroom which only highlight was that we had a garden hose for a shower, and made a larger storage closet upstairs utilizing wasted space), but we have a lot more to go. (No, the laundry room hasn't been touched.) But that brings me to this weekend. On Friday night, while watching a marathon of HGTV (which FYI? Needs to come off the air because it makes DIY-talentless people wield hammers and crowbars when they have no business doing such a thing.), that my living room looks like shit. The walls are cracked, full of weird holes, the weirdo putty shoved into a large hole for no reason (it was there when we moved in), the stairs make awful noises, but mostly? I feel like it wouldn't look like shit if we put some baseboards in, patched the walls (since all four walls had a different size baseboard), painted and put some new carpet in. Mostly because the carpet has an unfortunate smell that I just can't fix anymore. And it all started after I realized that brown walls (though I love this brown a LOT), brown furniture, and brown carpet make me feel like I live in a cardboard box. Except an expensive one.

So see the wall to the left of my TV? You can kind of see the ghetto state of my baseboards.

Now, on Saturday night Matt said that he's happy to help, but that I would have to learn how to do some shit myself because he's not a work horse. (I know, I laughed at that too... it's so sad when dementia hits a person so young.) So I had to learn how to prep a wall for drywall compound or whatever that white stuff is. But guess what? Sanding sucks shit. I got it done though, and he showed me how to apply the white stuff and I have no interest in that.

On Sunday- I went to Home Depot and got us a drywall sanding block because according to HGTV, it's easier to use than sand paper. (Ladies- if your husband hands you sandpaper? Shove it up his ass and get a really snazzy sanding block.) While Matt was skiing, I decided that I was going to sand that drywalll stuff down and take it upon myself to rip up the rest of the baseboards.

Lesson number one is to never let me have a hammer. Or a crow bar. And especially don't let me have the two together because I will make large holes where baseboards should be. After making two fairly large holes that were beyond a "patch job" I decided I should just let Matt do it.

When Matt came home he laughed at me and said was an idiot. I'll take that because I did knock two holes into the wall. When Matt went to look at the wall he discovered a "small room" (his words) and said he was going to the garage. When he came back I was putting laundry away upstairs when I hear a power tool start up. And come down to see this:

Yeah, that would be Matt cutting a giant fucking hole in my living room wall to see what the secret room is about. But lesson number two? When you find unexplainable cracks in your wall like this:

It's maybe because the jackweasel that lived in your house previous put up drywall and only connected it to the wood on the ceiling... not actual supporting vertical beams like you know, a WALL would normally do. We discovered that while making a hideout fit for a troll in our living room.

And you remember that time I bitched the entire summer about our backyard looking like a home remodel nightmare gone bad? And then Matt was awesome and cleaned it? We've regressed.

While Matt was doing that I noticed that we have other holes in other parts of the living room that need more than a patch.

But the secret hideout? Looked like this when we got in there:

Someone handmade this rickety shelf and it was left in there. It's all plaster and lath (suck) with what I am assuming to be asbestos wallpaper (on the back wall) and that curved wall to the right is where the stairs are.

So. We now have a hole in the wall, and we can't make the opening and wider because there is a support beam right along the edge of where Matt cut. We have two options: 1. is to repair the wall like we never opened it up. 2. make the cubby some kind of storage (books and movies?), put trim around the door and have it be a weird thing in our living room. Any ideas on what you would do? Have any of you encountered such a thing?

Basically, what turned into a maybe $250 job with new baseboards, paint, trim, etc has grown to a bit more of an undertaking. Let's not even talk about the carpet which is grosser than I feared. I discovered while cleaning up sanding mess with the shop vac that the carpet is actually not attached to the floor. And the best part? When lifting up the carpet to clean out what I could, I found a used condom. That wasn't ours. YAY.

Yo betta check yo'self.

2012-01-06T22:16:00.000-06:00

I don't know about you but I have about god damn had it with people whining about stupid stuff. Absolutely sick of it.

First off, if you have things in your life that you don't like it? Stop bitching and make some damn changes. If you take an inventory of every friendship or romantic relationship and they have all failed? Maybe? Just maybe they have a common denominator. Perhaps.... you? Be honest- you're probably a terrible other half of a relationship.

Generally, I am suspicious of girls who don't have a bunch of girl friends. I know full well it's hard to always nurture, maintain and sustain any kind of relationship especially those of the same sex. I get it, it can be tough. And god forbid you are both PMS'ing the same time. Perhaps lunch dates aren't ideal. But if you are one of those people where you have frequently said that people are treating you badly, or being mean to you, whatever? It's probably you.

You know what else drives me nuts? People who are rude for absolutely no reason. Don't come into a place of business with an attitude, be completely and unnecessarily rude to the people who work there, and then wonder why you leave unhappy. Do you think I'm going to go above and beyond to help you if you come in swearing and yelling at me? No. Not so much. I refuse to help someone who just flat out yells at me when I answer your question. It's not my fault you don't like the answer, I just work here. I'm doing the best that I can to get you the absolute best deal in the quickest amount of time with the least amount of headache and yet you scream at me because you didn't do what you were supposed to do first.

Third, please do not scream at your boyfriend on your cell phone in the middle of a family restaurant with your kids right there. First off, you shouldn't be saying the things you were saying in front of your children. Second, none of us who are there trying to have a nice family night out want to hear about your motherfucking asshole deadbeat boyfriend and his cunt whore girlfriend, because if I'm understanding the convo correctly, you just insulted yourself if you are indeed, his girlfriend.

Oh? And if you are in a used clothing store, it is never OK to try the clothes on in the middle of the aisle. I am thrilled that you have such awesome self esteem that you feel comfortable with your body image- I love that. I do not love that you feel it's OK to share it with us, because we don't find you as attractive as you feel. Especially when it's obvious you've either had a botched c-section or some kind of horrific abdominal surgery. Done by a machete. It's not OK to do that, they have changing rooms for a reason.

But can I say that the woman who teared up when I gave her my other 20% off your entire purchase coupon for said used clothing store? Made my day. She had two kids with her and was trying to buy them clothes and said now she could get more. That? That is a pretty kick ass way to end a pretty stressful day.

You think you know awesome people? I can prove I do.

2012-01-04T19:20:00.000-06:00

So I have to say that I am very lucky to have awesome people in my life. I am. I have also "met" a lot of really legit awesome people via blogging that I feel like I have forged true friendships with. Not all of them I have met but the ones I haven't, they are on my list to visit someday. I am always blown away when I get emails from complete strangers who say they can relate to something I'm going through or have been through, like my writing style or my sassy mouth, or whatever. I love to hear from you by reading your comments or your random emails to me, whatever. It's all really great and I love it.

And this Christmas I was pretty much overwhelmed by packages from some of you. I was going to take pictures of everything and post them.. but I can't find my camera at this exact moment. I will say that my handmade purse from Finny is amazing. I get compliments on it EVERY DAY and it's perfect. It's probably the most perfect bag I have ever had. It's funky, it's a yellow/gray color combo I would never normally pick up but now I love, it fits my cell phone perfectly, and I can cram a lot of absolute shit I feel like I need to carry every day. It's amazing.

Then I got one package full of handmade bows from Jamie one week and a few weeks later I got a kick ass bracelet and a bunch of stuff for my kids. Now, the fact that she took time out of her busy new mom life AND spent money out of her tight new mom budget to send something to my kids and I? Truly touched. It makes me wish I lived closer to her so I could squeeze her guts out.

A few weeks ago I sent my blog buddy Amber a key chain that I absolutely HAD to get her. I had to it. It was a knitted cat butt key chain. If you don't think that's amazing and unique? You are a loser. But I saw it and knew it had to be hers so I got it. It wasn't a lot, but it was something that made me think of her and she loved it. Last year she went to a scrapbook convention and sent me a HUGE BOX absolutely full of scrapbook supplies. Full of it. I mean, I had a hard time getting it all out because it was so full. It was amazing because I don't have a local store anymore (except Michaels, but it's just not the same) and I was sad. This year? I got another box just as full. I am so thankful and grateful and humbled that someone else out in the world thinks of me and does something like that. It's kind of amazing. And I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty much like a little kid digging through it all and squealing- Matt basically said it sounds like a farm in the dining room with all of my squeals.

So the year of 2012 is going to be my random act of kindness year. I like doing RAOK's anyways but I think maybe I'm not doing enough. I want to do more. It might just be paying for the asshole behind me at McDonald's, it might be helping someone carry their groceries out, it might be random notes and stuff to people during the year. Who knows. But I think not enough people do that and when I think about how it makes me feel to be the recipient of one, it makes me think I'd probably feel even better being the person to do it. So here we go.

Give me some ideas on really cool Random Acts of Kindness.

Another episode of why McDonald's sucks.

2012-01-03T19:06:00.000-06:00

Today I stopped at McDonald's for my daily large fountain Coke which I have not gotten in THREE MONTHS folks, but I happen to find a shit done of nickels and stuff in my purse so I thought that perhaps today was the day to treat my body to something wonderful. So on my way to work, I stopped at the McDonald's drive through.

Only to have that asshole tell me that a large Coke now costs $2.11? Um, no sir, it most certainly does not. It's $1.06 as the day is long, don't fuck with me on my first day back at work.

Never mind the fact that after practically screaming through the speaker I decide that the guy is a moron, so I pull to the window. Only to have him INSIST that I was ordering a sausage mcmuffin. Because, "large Coke" and "Sausage McMuffin" sound so similar. Never mind the fact that a sausage mcmuffin is on the dollar menu, so no way can it cost $2.11 on its own.

But that just reminded me that I forgot to tell you about the Peppermint Mocha incident the day after Christmas!

My mom and I were going to go shopping for after Christmas deals (wrapping paper and other Christmas related things we don't truly need but it's SUCH a good deal that you find a hard time talking yourself out of it because WHO in their right mind is going to turn down a roll of wrapping paper for $1, normally priced at $7.99? Nobody, that's who.) and she said she wanted to get a medium peppermint mocha from McDonald's. So we go through drive through and get our total and it appeared to be right because we see "medium peppermint mocha" on the screen with the total. All is well.

We get to the first window and she's like, "Small hot chocolate?" Er.. "No, medium peppermint mocha?" and she tells me a new total- different from what we were told. So then she tells me they rang it up wrong, which isn't true because we SAW it on the screen. Never mind that at this point? The car ahead of us already got their food and is gone and there is nobody behind us, so it's not like it could have gotten mixed up with their double lane nightmare they've got going on (that nobody can work because nobody understand the concept of merging and taking turns). So we pay the new total, pull ahead to the next window.

Only to be PARKED. Yes, bitches- we were PARKED for a DRINK. So, being a good citizen, I proceed to park. And seconds later get pissed off that I am now parked for a drink. I'm... I'm incredulous. How dare they park me for a drink?! What kind of bull shit is this? We wait approximately three minutes until I declare that I am going in and claiming our drink.

I made it to the door before a idiot looking girl is holding our cup. I flat out asked why the hell are we parked for a drink? What, exactly, is the problem? She tells me they only have one drink machine. That's it. THAT is the hold up. Never mind that it's like... 2pm so it's not a lunch rush or anything. There aren't many cars in the lot and as I look in the windows, not many people in the lobby so it's not like they have a line of hot drinks to get out. So I said to her that it's kind of ridiculous to park a car for a drink, let alone for three minutes. I think she maybe almost peed herself?

But I was hot. The mocha? Not so much. But it only reminded me of the ice cream cone incident.

Oh yes, there is an ice cream cone incident.

I have to say, I'm partial to their twist cones. I like me some twist cone and with it being .49, I can't help myself (when I have the money to do so). But a few months ago I went through the drive through to get myself a twist cone on my way to work.

And I got parked.

For a fucking CONE.

By the time I got the cone of course, it was half melted and upside down in a cup. Why they couldn't just bring me a new one not in a cup, I'll never know. But the woman looked annoyed when I asked for a spoon.

Oh- did you think they brought me a spoon seeing how they put my ice cream upside down, half melted in a cup?

You'd be wrong.

She was actually annoyed that I had the audacity to ask for a spoon. I ended up being late to work that day over this incident.

If this doesn't speak to either the questionable hiring practices of McDonald's or the lack of intelligence in our citizens, I don't know what will. And for the record? I have worked many years at fast food places and high demand/dealing with asshole customer jobs. MANY. So I know that it can get stressful but honestly- use your brains for half a second longer and I am at least pretty sure the light bulb in your head might at least blink a little.

National Weigh In Day: Triumph despite Pringles.

2012-01-02T19:06:00.000-06:00

I don't know where I saw it, but I recently read that January 2 is National Weigh In Day. It was probably for an advertisement for a local gym or something, but still. It just happens to coincide with Hot Bitch Monday so there you go. Which makes me think that really I'm a genius in more areas I just don't know it yet if I can make these two line up just so.

So in honor of National Weigh In Day:

tee*fucking*dah, bitches. Not bad, mo'fos, no bad at all. Considering when I started my weightloss journey in mid 2009 but hardcore in 2010 I started at 187.2 so I hit the 30 pound mark. That? Means I'm going to eat a Moon Pie right now.

And just as an aside, as I'm eating said Moon Pie, I am browsing Facebook and my friend Beverly posts this:

In the beginning I was like, "Aw... poor interpretive dance school drop out turned into a stripper". And then I'm like, "Holy fucking shit I can barely bend over to tie my shoes most days." And it makes me feel like an even bigger loser that I have never been able to climb a pole let alone do anything like that. But now I'm wondering where all those super good pole climber girls from elementary school are now.

In other news. I think I mentioned a few weeks ago that I ate a lot of Pringles.

I had this kind of genius idea to do something with the containers, but it involved eating a lot of Pringles. Only after my 23rd can (not all pictured here) did I realize I probably could have just dumped all of the chips into a container and made Matt eat them. And trust me- it's going to be awhile until I eat Pringles again. But the project was for my goodie contribution to the staff stockings at work. So I covered them with paper.

Filled the containers and put a little tag on top.

I wish I had more time and money so I could have embellished the sides more, but yeah. I wanted to be able to put something in each container so I wasn't lame. So everybody got a little hand sanitizer and not crappy candy. It's the good stuff nobody puts out in candy dishes. But they came out super cute and I'm glad that I was able to justify gluttony.

It's a New Year.

2012-01-01T21:17:00.000-06:00

So it's 2012. And normally I am not big on New Year resolutions, not because I don't keep them but because I have a hard time making them. So this year... let's give it a whirl.

1. In spirit of National Weigh In Day (tomorrow) I am going to weigh myself, do a Hot Bitch Monday post for you and then declare my goal to lose ten pounds off of that.

2. Write a letter to the friend who I felt treated me badly. And close that book.

3. Work harder in my Etsy shop.

4. Be more streamlined with the things I need to do. Lists are my friend and I should use them more often.
****

In other news, I'm watching the season premier of Mob Wives and oh my, how I've missed these crazy bitches.

Strippers and Runaways.

2011-12-29T20:09:00.000-06:00

Let's talk about weird stuff that I think about during the day:

1. If I were a stripper? This would be my jam.

I am a huge Black Keys fan and I got their newest album "El Camino" for Christmas and I'm pretty much addicted to it.

2. My kids informed me that they were running away the other day. The destination? Massachussetts. I was informed that Olivia was going to be a rock star singer and Jackson was selling purses.

At least they look happy?

3. We are getting a shit ton of telemarketer calls as of late. Usually I like to answer with them and start being completely inappropriate to make them hate their jobs even more, but with being sick I haven't really felt up to it. But the best part? Is how some of them are coming up on my caller ID:

You know what? Props to you for being up front legit that you are a phone scam. You can't knock that hustle and it almost makes you want to answer it.

And then somehow I've gotten on this call list? Really?

4. I've also been trying to conserve my utility bill again even though it's not even winter yet since it's still well above zero and no snow on the ground which is WEIRD. But this means I don't use the gas heat and plug my little electric heater in the evenings.

Except my cat Stumpy wants to be selfish and hog the warmth? Except he's too stupid to realize he's on the wrong side of the heater. I can't help it- I have a soft spot for mentally challenged animals.
**

In other news, I feel like the plague of death is turning into something worse? Like, it's probably heading towards bronchitis as usual. But according to WebMD I also could be in the late stages of emphysema, heartburn, plague or tuberculosis and am probably dying. No where on my list of possible things wrong with me was common cold so.. maybe this is farewell folks? Maybe my lungs really will flop out?

Being sick has also made me realize that there is a point in which I am no longer a perky, patient, and helpful person. All day today I was faced with challenges brought forth by people with minimal intelligence. Usually I go above and beyond to spell things out for them, to give them the easy route, and to just generally do a kind deed and make them not feel dumb. Today? None of that was happening. I hope I can kick whatever crud I have over the weekend so I'm raring to go next week.

Christmas Hangover: Otherwise known as why I've been M.I.A.

2011-12-28T19:02:00.000-06:00

Folks? This bitch is sick. Like, legit sick with the plague of death. Both kids had horrendous head colds for the last two weeks which, when passed down, turns into the plague of death. Me, Matt, my mom, my brother and I'm sure half of Superior are dying from the plague of death.

This means that my house? Is a fucking DISASTER. My fridge? Full of left overs Matt and I can't eat because the thought of food makes us want to vomit. But the down side is knowing one of us has to vag up and throw them out and handle the smell. Oh, the smell. (To be clear- there is no smell now, but you know that smell when you open a container that had no business being sealed for 4 days? Yeah, that smell.) I have to be honest- being sick and battling migraines all weekend put a major damper into my Christmas. But let's do a really quick run down:

First up, on Thursday Olivia had her "sing along" at school since they aren't allowed to have a Christmas concert. Kind of bull shit really because they sing Christmas songs, so this is just another example of how stupid people ruin tradition. ANYWAYS. She was kind of freaking adorable.

I literally had *no* money to get her a dress or anything but when she came home to tell me all of the other girls were dressing up? I took out the last $20 in my savings to get her a dress and tights. And then I had to get some second hand shoes from my friend's daughter, which were a little too big but overall she looked cute. And I even put curlers in her hair because she wanted to have "fancy hair". Adorable.

The best part? Is that my girl even SANG in the concert. Can you pick her out? She looked at me the entire time and was so excited to see that me and Jackson were there along with my parents. Matt went to the afternoon performance so she had someone there watching her both times. Those kids were so stinking cute.

And then at the end they had an all school series of songs and she made damn sure I could see her!

Friday was kind of low key except for last minute running around nightmare crap as usual. Saturday we went to Matt's parent's house because they celebrate on Christmas Eve, which works out for me because my family has always celebrated Christmas Day. On the way there, we saw two of these signs:

And you know I made Matt drive completely out of our way so I can see what the hell a live nativity is all about in the middle of nowhere. As it turns out, it's about nothing:

A little known fact: baby Jesus is in a union apparently and neither him, his slutty mom or the rest of the crew work on the weekends. Sad.

The festivities were... OK. I have a lot I could say but I won't because deep down I'm a decent person and I refuse to put fuel on the fire. But it's basically as it always is so there is something to be said for consistency.

After getting home much later than I had hoped since I had a migraine and was already feeling shitty, we put the kids to bed so I could play Santa. Thankfully this year I was prepared and not having to wrap everything that night as well.

Christmas morning was a whirlwind as it always is with two kids. But they were SO excited to see that Santa ate our cookies, the reindeer ate all of their carrots (even leaving a huge mess on the sidewalk), and that their stockings were filled and toys were left for them. I pretty much live for their faces when they open up surprises because it makes me realize all of the hard work over the year, all of the sacrifices we make is worth something. And I hope that in those moments they remember these times.

I will also say that I am over the moon to have such grateful kids. When I asked them the night before what they wanted from Santa both of them named one gift (Olivia wanted a karaoke machine and Jackson wanted a rocket ship- they got both) and both said, "But we'll be happy with anything!" with sincere enthusiasm. Matt and I feel like we must have done something really right somewhere along the way to have such great kids.

Matt got his ski pass along with some base layer clothing, gloves, face mask and boot socks among all of the other odds and ends. I got three CD's, the new book Clockwork Prince, an iPod hooker upper thingie for the car (I hope this one really works), a cool makeup set, a flat iron for my hair (that works!) and the Hunger Games trilogy. Basically we made out like bandits again.

I ended up making dinner as best as I could despite being sick. I think it turned out OK, but I know it could have been better. Maybe next year. But I did cook my first turkey! Admittedly, Matt got the gizzards or whatever out because I feel like I'm violating the poor thing by shoving my hand in it's vagina or head- I'm not sure what that hole used to be. But I don't feel comfortable sticking my hand in it. I did rinse it out and gagged the entire time. Matt says I'm a baby, I say I'm kind of like an animal activist.

Hands down the second best part of Christmas, right after my kids being so damn adorable and happy? Was my mom hugging me thanking me for their gift (a Wii with Super Mario- my parents were hardcore addicted back in the Super Nintendo days and I knew that I absolutely HAD to get them the Mario Wii bundle) and telling me she was proud that I actually did the turkey. (And I totally told her that I had Matt do the gross parts because even though Baby Jesus is in a union and Christmas is a Federal Holiday? I don't need that kind of bad karma around me going into 2012 what with the impending world doom coming.)

So that was it. That was Christmas. I've been sicker than shit since so I apologize for being a slacker whore around here lately. I'll step up my game.

Probably.

That time when I was a really great wife. And the time I was a really great mom. All in the same day.

2011-12-22T21:10:00.000-06:00

So for Christmas I had this really great idea that I was going to get Matt a season ski pass for a local ski hill. Matt loves to ski, but we've been broke for.. oh forever. The last time he actually went skiing was when we were just dating (ten years ago) and he went out west to Nevada and skied there and in California with his cousin John. Obviously, that's more than I can afford so I thought going the local route would be awesome. But again, it's expensive and he'd need rentals so I thought it'd be nice to go in with his parents for hit. That is a whole other story I won't get into on here, but let's just say a certain someone kind of ruined the surprise element of it and I'm really mad about it?

Anyways. After much thought I decided I was still going to do it because I know he would like it (and after a certain person ruined it, Matt flat out asked me if that was what he was getting for Christmas and I said yes and I told him I was pissed that the surprise was basically ruined, but he said it was a GREAT idea). I think he's working too much and needs something fun to do away from me and the kids just for mental health sake.

So today... with my paycheck in my bank account, I take both kids with me for what I think is going to be a maybe 30 minute trip, including drive time, to the ski hill. I was very wrong. Keep in mind- Olivia is getting over a cold, Jackson has the cold now and has felt crummy all day so I thought that if I go right when they open I can get in and out. Wrong.

I get to the ski place and I'm literally the only car there- so I am silently thanking baby Jeebus that I am first in line. When I go into the place I find the ticket counter and say I need a season pass. The woman gives me a short one page form to fill out. I sit with the kids, fill it out. By this time, three guys come in and a woman. Everybody needs passes, but they don't have to fill out a form and I don't know why. Eventually when I realize that this woman was slow (possibly mentally? Jury is out on that one still.), I went up to the counter to give her my form and my debit card. Then she asks me why I filled out the form. Not even kidding.

Enter in the next employee who starts trying to ring me up. They have two registers, but both women only know how to work the one register, but don't know how to ring a credit/debit card through the machine. So I start walking them through it. (Meanwhile, an hour has gone by at this point, both kids are coughing up their lungs, but sitting patiently.) Credit card machine goes down (of course) and then they start calling their credit card machine place. Then one woman breaks the one working register half way through my season pass processing. Then they fix it, but forget they were helping me, and start helping the other woman that came in who's asking 1000 questions about season passes when it's all spelled out on their counter. Each package tells you what you get and the price.

It was at this point that I realized that the price I found online is about $40 different than reality. So I start doing my little panic dance knowing they've already processed my card yet I find no total on my form? At this point I have no idea how much I have just paid so I feel like throwing up.

In our second hour of hanging out in a ski lodge, the printer breaks. It starts making this horrible noises in which it sounds like it is actually eating the plastic cards. I am not even kidding. Jackson starts crying because of course by this time his ibuprofen has worn off, Olivia starts complaining that she is tired of sitting in the hard chair and I'm dealing with two incompetent employees who can't run anything. Once we hit the three hour mark I declare that I am so fucking fed up with this entire ski shack and Dumb and Dumber who seem to be running the show that I just want a piece of paper saying I paid so Matt can just come deal with this himself. And *voila* the damn gift certificate card thing SHOOTS out of the printer. Along with my receipt declaring that $194.07 just got charged to my checking account.

*holy fucking christ*

I was thinking this was going to be $130 or so TOTAL and no. We're looking at basically a $200 gift. If I wasn't so angry and confused on how to get home I would have thrown up on myself.

But that's not all. Oh no, it's not all.

Because right after I get these things I start helping my kids put their winter gear back on (because of course they've stripped themselves after overheating) and that's when Jackson gave me his own special surprise.

In the form of phlegm coughed up into my hair, mouth, and ear. It was kind of horrible. He, of course, felt bad and says to me, "I sorry mama. I pooked" (which is his way of saying "puke") and rubbed it in. Which only got it more into my hair. I'm sure I looked awesome walking out of there.

I'll tel you what- if Matt gets me a fucking desk calendar this year (when I don't have a desk), I may be seeing the inside of the Douglas County jail. I'm just sayin.

Merry fucking Christmas.

More Than Words Can Say

2011-12-21T06:55:00.000-06:00

No, this isn't some schmoopy post about how my life is horrible and I've made friends with the side of a bridge. Nope. This is actually a book review for a really great book you only wish were available in December... but you'll have to hold firm on your panties because it isn't released until January.

More Than Words Can Say - Robert Barclay

Chelsea Enright never expected to inherit her grandmother’s lakeside cottage deep in the Adirondacks—a serene getaway that had been mysteriously closed up decades ago. This is no simple bequest, however, because when Chelsea finds her grandmother’s WWII diaries, she’s stunned to discover that they hold secrets she never suspected . . . and they have the power to turn her own life upside down.

Even more surprising is the compelling presence of local doctor Brandon Yale, and Chelsea soon finds her “short stay” has stretched into the entire summer. She cannot put this cottage and her family’s past behind her easily—and the more she learns about the woman her grandmother truly was, the more Chelsea’s own life begins to change . . . and nothing will ever be the same again.

I will tell you right away I liked this book. I really love a book that will suck you into it within the first ten pages. The hook in this book is that right from the beginning- you are intrigued by the letter Chelsea's grandmother leaves her and you just have to know what is going to happen. I don't want to give anything away so I'm going to be annoyingly vague about it.

Some great things about this book are that it's about a woman's self discovery in a not cheesy way, there aren't sweeping romances or things that realistically probably wouldn't happen. I also really love books about multi generational connections and learning about your family history and secrets- which this book definitely has. The only thing that I find annoying, and this is just a life annoyance I have, is that people are too easy to say that a revealed secret can change everything in their world or who they are. No it can't, don't be stupid. I'm starting to think I really am one of a kind in that I don't let history or weird family things or whatever to hinder what I do now. Basically- I don't let any of that stuff be an excuse for how I am today. Does that make sense? So when I felt like this is where that book was going, I'll be honest- I felt stabby. But in the end it didn't matter because I loved it just the same.

It is a very fast read because you want to dig up the secrets with Chelsea and you almost feel like you're her summer camp buddy on a mystery hunt. I am the first stop on this tour, but check back here to see what other people are saying!

Hot Bitch Monday and Rant About Love & Hip Hop

2011-12-19T20:08:00.000-06:00

Guess what lambwhores? I am down to 156! It's kind of an awesome and I've done nothing. Seriously. I wish I could tell you I was doing something to help this weightloss out... but I'm not. I will tell you that I have been eating a lot of truffles and home made peanut butter cups? And I've discovered that Wendy's has AMAZING hamburgers? Like they are way better than they used to be. Seriously.
****
But let's talk about the VH1 show Love & Hip Hop because it's a hot fucking mess. You know I love me some hot mess and this show delivers. I think the best way to handle this is to run down each character:

Yandy: What the fuck s up with her facial expressions? She always looks like she's constipated with the scrunched up eyebrows? You know what I'm talking about. I can't even focus on anything she does because her hair is always swinging around with her constipation face. It's distracting.

Chrissy: What a bitch. She is so out of line angry wth life and everyone she encounters it's a wonder anyone invites her out. I'll talk about Kimbella next, but Chrissy can't just go around punching people when they do something you don't like. Get some fucking class ho bag. But here's a tip- if so many people are demanding an apology from you--- maybe it's you.

Kimbella: She needs to stop talking like she's a solo actress in a daytime soap opera. She needs to stop. And I kind of peed myself when her hair caught on fire. And how could she really think it would ever be OK to say that she dated the ex of someone else? Especially if you don't know her. I mean, come on. COME ON. Sure, you can pull her aside when it's just you two and have a conversation about it. Alternately...

Emily: ....needs to get over it. If she knew her ex cheated on her repeatedly? Maybe it isn't always the other woman's fault? Maybe your ex should learn to keep it in his pants? I also want her to stop wearing leggings. And anything that emphasizes the hugeness of her from the waist down. God damn. And she also is so damn angry and whiny. It drives me nuts and I feel like giving her a vibrator.

Olivia: I love Olivia. I do. I remember when she came out with her first CD like forever ago (which I own) like forever ago. I like how gangsta she is and I feel bad that she gets knocked around in the music business because she's talented.

Somaya: What the fuck is going on with her? Seriously? Is she hispanic? Is she not? She isn't talented at all and god help us if she gets a record deal.

****
Side note: So VH1 Divas just came on and can I say how much I can't stand Jennifer Hudson? I liked chunky Jennifer Hudson on American Idol. Give her some fame, money and a fucking diet and she thinks she's hot shit. You aren't.

And I don't understand these soul singers- most it sounds like random screaming to me? Or when you pull the Mary J. Blige "yeah, yeah, yeah" in random spots in song. I need to stop watching this show- I'll only get stabby.

Domestic Bitch Weekend- Kitchen Madness.

2011-12-18T19:41:00.000-06:00

It was a banner week and weekend in my kitchen full of firsts.. and some wins? I will tell you that I have washed my hands enough in the last two days from multiple loads of dishes to conclude two things:

1. I need to not wear my wedding ring while washing dishes- it only irritates my allergy to metals, including gold.

2. I need a mother fucking dishwasher.

Anyways. Let's talk about the things I made:

First up, let's talk meatloaf. I am a complete meatloaf failure. In the ten years I've been with Matt, I have NEVER been able to successfully make an edible meatloaf. I have tried every recipe, I have tried using different pans, broiler pan thingies, different oven temperatures, once in a crockpot, I have used multiple methods of making it. It has never worked. Once time on a cookie sheet it flattened out and was rock hard. One time the entire outside was burned but the inside was raw. One time we had an unfortunate incident of grease over flow. I knew when Matt told me to stop trying because no cow should have to die for that, I had to give up.

Until last week I saw a recipe for a cheeseburger meatloaf and I got to feeling like, GOD DAMMIT, I want some fucking meatloaf. So I gathered my ingredients and some moral support:

Got it together in what looked like a loaf shape:

And baked it. I failed to take an after picture but I will tell you I didn't like it. It was edible- Matt said it was really good even though he had his coat and shoes on ready to go get us a pizza in case I failed yet again. But I realized I kind of hate bread or stuffing in it? I'm not a fan of stuffing anyways and moist bread feels like poo in my mouth. Truly. So blech. The other problem? It wasn't slice-able. Meaning, when we tried to slice it, it kind of just fell apart, so basically we ate ground beef with flavor? I don't know. I feel like meatloaf isn't meant for me. The best part of this though? Was a comment made on my Facebook wall about my attempt:

"I find it hilarious (in a cruel, ironic way) that meatloaf is your kriptonite. You are the biggest over achiever, good at everything to do with keeping a home and you can't nail a meatloaf. The world is a strange place."

And that is the story of my life. *sigh* Meatloaf- 1, Sara-0.

In other more uplifting news.... I played with yeast yesterday. You know, the kind you don't need a prescription for? I made dinner rolls from scratch, involving yeast and careful instructions. I had to actually knead and punch dough, folks. They were supposed to be a knock off version of the rolls you get at Texas Roadhouse (and seriously, Amy? I just remembered that you haven't been there and I'm telling you now that's where we go next time!). The rolls didn't taste like the amazing buttered awesomeness that is the Texas Roadhouse rolls, but they were really good anyways. Did I mention I used yeast for the first time ever? It was kind of awesome. Even though I grossly underestimated how much yeast will grow and obviously used the smallest bowl possible like the idiot I am.

After that, I had to take a bit of a break from cooking because I was kind of stressed out about it. So I decided I was going to make a box. Because it's quick and easy. I will also tell you that you should evaluate the usefulness of fast food containers. Dairy Queen and Wendy's have these AWESOME boxes that make super templates for things. But of course you can always use fry boxes, too. OR Pringles cans. But more on those another day. Back to my cheese curd box.

Open up your container and trace it onto a piece of cardstock. (Notice how my ring finger is all red and gross. YAY for gold allergies. *sigh*) Use a piece of cardstock that is going to be heavy enough to hold what you are going to put into it.

Once you do that, cut it out and fold your pieces:

MAKE SURE to put adhesive on the right sides of your folds. I always fuck up one before I think about it.

I also put a piece of packing tape (clear) over where my sides are because I don't want it to fall apart.

Then just make it pretty. These ended up working really well with some treats I made.

You probably want to know what treats I made? I ended up making my chocolate truffles and then some home made peanut butter cups. I might share that recipe later this week if people want me to? LET ME KNOW.

I also tried making sugar cookies from scratch because again, I have this thing where I kind of suck at making things from scratch? Especially sugar cookies and cakes. No matter what I do, you can still taste flour? I don't know. I do know that nothing is worth the swears my kids heard, so I will vag up and tell you that the from scratch cookies tasted like dry ass. Gross. So I bought two tubes of cookies and called it good.

But I wasn't going down like a total failure- I conquered royal icing. AND I even made color flow cookie icing. I watched a few tutorials online on how to decorate cookies like a pro. I didn't pick up much because this is what mine looked like:

My trees don't really look tree shape? How do you get your cutout cookies to retain their shape? I used really cold and firm dough, I even put them into the fridge for five minutes to get cold again before I put them into the oven. What the fuck am I doing wrong?? Nonetheless, I used my sprinkles Amy gave me which seemed easier than messing with any more icing- I figured my green batch maybe was a fluke but we were counting it as a win.

Oh, and I made caramel corn and some chocolate cupcakes. Which are still in progress and those will definitely make an appearance this week.

So what did YOU do this weekend?

Public Service Announcement: Motorized Scooters/Hover-Round Users.

2011-12-16T19:36:00.000-06:00

I love me some handicap people. I do. I think every building in America should be accessible to handicap people, even bars. Just because your legs don't work, doesn't mean you should have to drink alone at home. I also am a big supporter of older people and their independence. I worked for years with seniors and I know how first hand how important it is for senior citizens to be out and about and socializing with society.

With that said, I believe that the makers of Hover Round and vehicles such as theirs should be shot. And I say that with feeling. They have been deceiving people for years on how mobile you can really be with these vehicles. They have portrayed these things as substitute cars and god dammit- it needs to stop.

Just the other day I see this:

You cannot see very well in this picture, but this "road" is very steep uphill and the cars going up it are going much too fast. I had to follow this person down a service road that even in the best conditions is tight for two vehicles when people are going faster than they should. We were doing maybe 3 mph behind this person while simultaneously leaving enough room so this person didn't feel like I was grinding down behind them. I think I was the only person in our caravan of vehicles trying to get to the stop sign that was not honking and shouting things nobody's mother should here.

Which was surprising since I have notorious road rage. Perhaps it's all of the Christmas cheer and shit. Anyhoodles.

But it's not just this guy who think he's a car. Travis has told me and my friends about the one legged woman who broke down in her scooter in the middle of the night on a busy road in our town. Travis had to push her (who was not light) and her scooter for several blocks only after trying to "reset" the scooter. The reset button was obviously placed right below her nether regions, while she conveniently smelled of urine. My brother is a damn good Samaritan and he should be commended because obviously nobody else stopped to help her. After telling her that he could not physically push her any more, he decided to call the police to get some help. Who upon their arrival, made it very clear that they not only knew who she was and where she lived but that this happened all of the time because she thinks she's driving a car.

Folks- the batteries in these things are not made for that kind of usage. Period. End of story. You cannot gallivant all over town thinking you are rolling on dubs without a care in the world. I support independence but knowing our area has very inexpensive transportation options for those who are handicapped and/or senior, it drives me nuts. If my mom had a scooter and was telling me she was using it to run to Target or something, I would completely say no way. No. I would pay for her to get onto a decent van with the appropriate heat and/or air conditioning that you need in specific weather situations. And don't even get me started on the people who aren't really disabled but merely lazy. Or the ones who sit in parking lots with a battery operated boom box attached to a basket on wheels to the back of their scooters who blast polka music.

Basically- I think these commercials need to stop telling people they can ride around the Grand fucking Canyon when really it's meant to help you get around small areas like your apartment complex.

The First Annual Ugly Sweater Christmas Party.

2011-12-15T19:29:00.000-06:00

I have always wanted to do an ugly sweater party but every year something else has come up and it just didn't happen. This year when Amy told me she wanted to do one too, I decided that dammit- we are doing this. It started out as a moderately sized group was all invited and pretty much all at the last minute, some people had to work, some were sick (which totally OK- I do not want nor need your sick germs, folks), some had last minute things that came up, etc. We ended up having a total group size of six for dinner that dwindled to five for the bar stop.

The original plan was to go to dinner, go over to an ice bar that was just built in Canal Park, head over to Bentleyville which is this huge tour of lights that used to be in this guy's yard but has now moved to Bayfront Festival Park, and then head out to a few bars.

Dinner was at Old Chicago, which I love but don't get to go to very often. Hands down the best was when we realized that Chad and Matt were wearing the same ugly ass Christmas shirt. Unintentionally. I wish I would have had enough sense to take a picture of it, because it was kind of awesome.

After dinner, we headed over to Bentleyville because it was kind of cold and we had a feeling we'd be in line for a LONG time for Santa. Oh, you heard me right- we were going to visit Santa.

After almost two hours of standing in really fucking cold weather, we saw Santa. We got some dirty looks at the restaurant, but Santa laughed at us. Flat out laughed at us. Whatevs. But we got a great picture. Some special things you should note- is that my sister in law has a festive green for her hair color but the best part of her outfit? The fact that she shrunk her sweater so it was cropped. Matt and Chad with their matching shirts, me with my fugly sweater with giant white balls dangling from the zipper, Amy with her festive vest and snappy denim shirt and her amazing knee high socks, and Tammy's gigantic jingle bell earrings kept falling off. Which was kind of hilarious.

So after leaving Santa we basically hustled our asses through the rest of Bentleyville because Amy's legs were numb and Tammy couldn't feel her feet. My thighs were pretty much numb as well but seeing how Matt and I had done Bentleyville with our kids the weekend prior, I was OK. It wasn't as cold during party night as it was with the kids.

After Bentleyville we headed to the standby dive bar in my town. Usually? That place is hopping with weirdos and terrible karaoke singers- but that night it was DEAD. The guy who runs the karaoke sang two completely depressing songs- something about growing up in the ghetto (mind you, this is coming from a middle aged, overweight and balding white man) and something about being sad in Texas. I have no idea. If we didn't have the guys with us and it was just a regular girls weekend- I would have completely suggested we go to the gay bar down the road because that is truly a place to see. Maybe next time!

All in all, it was fun... but it could have been more fun. I had a lot on my mind and as excited as I am for Christmas, I'm not quite loving it yet. I'm just a little stressed out so I wasn't feeling like partying so much. But next year? I'm excited. I think next year we'll do it again because honestly? Half the fun was just trying to find such ugly shit to wear.

Sometimes you just need some perspective.

2011-12-14T21:22:00.000-06:00

I will post about the Ugly Sweater Party tomorrow, but I feel like I have to explain what kind of dampened my mood and help me put all of the things I worry about every day into perspective.

I have a friend named Jessica whom I have known since I was nine years old. She was the first friend I made when I moved to Cloquet in third grade. In fourth grade we became best friends and I wanted to do everything with her. I convinced my parents I absolutely HAD to join baton because all of the cool kids were doing it, when really I wanted to do it so Jessica would think I was cooler. She was always better than I was but I didn't care- I loved having something in common with her. From there we spent every day at school together, every weekend and every day in the summer we were together. I would ride my bike across town to hang out with her. She lived across the street from the convenience store my mom worked at so every day we would go there and buy a mixture of these things: one liters of Pepsi, Cool Ranch Doritos, and ice cream loaded with every single topping they had to pretty much make us sick. All while we twirled baton in her driveway to our homemade mix tapes from the radio hoping that her crush (who's grandparents were her neighbors) would notice how badass we were.

Basically? She was the bestest friend I have ever had.

And then I moved to a town 30 minutes away and we lost touch. I was pretty much devastated because by then I was in 8th grade and we know how shitty it is to make friends are such a crap age. Eventually, I made new friends but I always wondered how she was and what she was doing. Fast forward to right after graduation- I ran into her at the grocery store and we said we have to get together. We never did, but another year or two later? I see her at the mall, and again- we say we are going to meet up, but never do.

So in early 2010 I see her on Facebook and we friend each other, all is good. Then I see there was a spaghetti benefit for her and I'm like, what the hell? It turns out, my dear friend Jess has a rare and incurable heart condition that has lead to years of moderate to severe heart failure. The benefit was to raise funds for her transportation, lodging, and unpaid leave from work for a surgery to repair one of the valves of her heart which would possibly solve the problem and not require a heart transplant. The benefit went well and I obviously went because I was STUNNED to learn that someone my age would be so ill and on a heart transplant list.

The bonus to her benefit was that we really did connect after her surgery. She was able to come to my birthday the following year and we have hung out quite a bit and it just reminds me how much I love her even still. No matter how much time goes by, it feels like we were never apart and she just amazes me. She is hands down the most optimistic person I know. Admittedly, she doesn't feel well most of the time, there are lots of things in life she can't do simply because her heart is a piece of junk and she makes me feel like every bad thing I've got on my plate? Is peanuts compared to her load.

She recently was at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester for a week long evaluation to see how she's basically doing. Unfortunately, it didn't go well. A really long story short, my friend is now living at the Mayo Clinic indefinitely, or at least until she can get a new heart and a new liver for sure, and possibly a kidney. I knew when I saw a few missed calls from her this past week something was up and I was right. I finally connected with her before the party and I'm not going to lie- I cried when I hung up. I know she needs people around her to be optimistic and strong for her, but god. I can't imagine my life without her. At all.

I can't imagine living all alone in an ICU hoping for a drunk driver to take out someone with a good heart and kidney so you can live. I can't imagine having to put your entire life on hold and you don't know when or if you'll be going back to it. The kicker is that she'll turn 30 in February and that makes my heart hurt even more.

I want her to get her new organs and come back home. She's my movie buddy. She's my friend who makes me remember how great my childhood was. All of my favorite memories as a kid all have her in them. She makes me feel so grateful and lucky for everything I have. I have a great time just being with her and her positivity is contagious. She is such a great person and I wish you could all know her because it would make you appreciate your life so much more.

So if you have a spot on your prayer list or feel compelled in any way- please pray or think positive things for her. I want to keep my friend because she means the world to me. I will keep you updated, but I need some ideas- what would you think would be awesome to put in a care package? Remember, she is basically stuck in this bed indefinitely all hooked up to stuff, she can't eat most stuff because she's on a hella strict diet, but I want to send stuff periodically to cheer her up. Any ideas would be greatly welcome!

Why you should research kid activities BEFORE you get there.

2011-12-13T20:54:00.000-06:00

So a few Fridays ago my kids and I joined my grandparents to see a show that was only called "Disney Live!" when I had first heard about it a few months previous. Having been to Disney World a few times myself and my kids going once, I knew how awesome their shows are and that they are really worth their ticket price. Now, when I first heard about it I really think I remember it being a holiday themed thing since it's in December.

I was very wrong.

Turns out, it's a Disney Princess theme thing which I didn't figure out until the day of. Having already bought a ticket for Jackson, I knew he was coming either way and would just have to have fun. Consequently, there were maybe five other boys there? Maybe? Poor Jackson was grossly out of place but he's young enough not to really realize it. Olivia was more pissed off that I failed to tell her it was a princess thing and let her wear a princess dress up dress like every other girl in the audience.

Mom fail.

I also thought I was being super slick and clever when I brought my own popcorn knowing I didn't have money to buy drinks, popcorn, etc. Olivia's school has Popcorn Fridays for classes to raise money, and they sell them for .25 a bag. Now that I am the PTO President, I see that classes are popping like 600+ bags of popcorn and making a ton of cash. Anyways. So I send Olivia with .50 to get some popcorn for her and Jackson for the show.

Mom win.

I also brought a couple of juice boxes thinking I'm again, ridiculously smart and better than every other mom there. Unfortunately, there were no cup holders and I knew that if I had these kids holding a juice box the entire 90 minutes that most of it would squirt all over them. So I decided to buck up and purchase two juices from concessions. I also walked away spending $35 on two juices... only to be told that the cups "were totally worth it" by the lovely man taking my money. True, they are really great cups with flip top lids and just super fun... but $35? Robbery.

Mom fail.

So then the show starts and they did Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs first which I love. And Jackson totally squealed when the dwarfs came out and he kept telling me Dopey was his favorite.

So then after that, Cinderella was the next story we saw- which is Olivia's favorite. She has loved Cinderella since she was just a tiny little thing. It was absolutely HANDS DOWN the most adorable thing to watch her sing the songs from that movie.

After Cinderella I had asked Jackson which princess he thought was going to be next. Guess what his response was? In his tiny and cute little boy voice he squeals, "Lightning McQueen!!!" For all you non parents out there? That's the little red race car from the movie Cars and Cars 2. Um, freaking adorable. Sadly, he was wrong and the last story to be told was Beauty and the Beast and I am not ashamed that I squealed out loud and sang along to the song "Be Our Guest". Um, it's great.

So all in all? Totally worth the money, but as other parents who went said, remember to bring your camera and your credit card.

OR, smuggle it all (or most) in your purse like a boss.

Life Update. Because I can.

2011-12-12T20:32:00.000-06:00

I have a lot going on right now, so this post is just going to update you really quickly on what's happening in my life, what I'm up to, and maybe a hint of preview posts for this week.

BUT FIRST!

Let's draw a winner for the CHICK-tionary book giveaway! According to Random.org.. who chose #15, that winner is...

RUTH!

I will send you an email.. I'm certain I have your email here on my desk somewhere.. and get you the deets on this. But for those of you who didn't win but want a copy of the book, they have great prices for them at both Amazon and Barnes & Noble online.. so start shopping.
**

So let's talk about life a bit, shall we? I've been busy. Like, really legit busy. I haven't been out to your blogs as much and I do apologize and I will get better. I just don't know when, but I will make a real effort to get out there and see what you all are up to.

1. Olivia is doing amazing in school. She is so stinking smart and such a social butterfly it's awesome. I volunteered in her class last Friday to help make gingerbread houses and it was a blast. I got to use my cake decorating class skills to make a super kick ass house frosting so I kind of rocked it.

2. She also joined Girl Scouts which just started two weeks ago. I'm nervous and I feel like I might end up doing more than I have time for? The troop leader has never been a troop leader before and seems kind of overwhelmed so my first instinct is to swoop in and help and try not to take over. I really can't even help it- my sense of "do it myself because I'm more organized/efficient/crafty/faster/etc" is pretty strong. It annoys me to no end.

3. I am also involved in the PTO of her school which I am really excited about. Although it isn't technically official yet, as of tomorrow I am 99.9% sure I am the new PTO President. It's a big commitment but I'm really organized and I think I can do this. Not going to lie, I feel apprehensive about it, but I'm going in with a positive attitude and I hope good things happen.

4. Jackson is still in toddler class which makes Tuesdays hellacious. I usually work 8:30-12:30 on Tuesdays which means getting both kids to my mom's by 8 so I can get to work by 8:30, literally speed to my mom's after work to pick up Jackson so that I can get him to toddler class on the other end of town by 1, that goes until 2:30, then I race back to the other end of town to get to Olivia's school so we can pick her up. Then I get home, start dinner, start her on homework, grab my notes/binder/etc so I can get to a PTO meeting, or Girl Scouts, or whatever we're doing since it ALWAYS falls on a Tuesday. Then I get home to clean up, blog, work on Etsy stuff, check my email, check my mail, etc. It's horrible. Tuesdays are a really horrible day and to be honest? I can't wait for Jackson to start 4K next fall so at least it's one less thing on Tuesday. I would pull him from the toddler class all together but he loves it. He loves it a lot. If the class was on Fridays like it used to be, it'd be a thousand times less stressful.

5. Matt is working a lot. And when I say a lot, I really mean a lot. We have so many bills coming in, not just for Christmas, but because our property tax bill should be coming any day now and I am kind of dreading it. And now that it's colder our utilities are through the roof, we have no more savings, and I just feel uneasy about the finances. So Matt has been working, no joke, 70 hour weeks. It's awful but it means we can pay our bills. BUT, I also know that it means it's all me when it comes to kids and housework for awhile and that's kind of shitty.

6. But to look forward to things coming up- Matt and I think we might do a weekend mini-vacation with the kids at the end of January. Only to St.Paul or something, but we haven't done that for awhile with them and it would be fun. Stay tuned.

7. My friend Jessica is in need of prayers. I'll fill you in later on this week but if you have a spot for an extra name on your prayer list, please add her to it.

8. I had an ugly sweater party this past weekend which wasn't as awesome as I had hoped? It was still fun and I am going to try keeping it as an annual tradition, but with not as many people there as originally planned (because of illness, lack of funds, etc) it wasn't as hilarious as it could have been. I'll post pictures soon.

9. I took the kids to see Disney Live. Jackson cracks me up and I'll share about that probably tomorrow? We'll see. I do have pictures so that'll be fun to see how they turned out even.

10. I have my Christmas list almost finalized. Don't worry- Matt always waits until the last minute so I'm still OK. But I'll share that with you this week.

11. I attempted meatloaf tonight. I am a meatloaf failure but I'll share with you how it turned out. Obviously pictures are included.

12. Batman and Stumpy have unbelievable cat gas. Seriously. I had to leave the living room this evening. Pigs.

Um, there's more, but I have to stop typing because...

13. My shoulder still hurts. I had to cancel my chiro appointment because I have no more money until December 21. That's um... a long time from now in poor people land, and even then I won't have money to spend on it. So then we're looking at January 7, but that check is always low, so then we're back at January 21. Which yeah. Is more than a month away and I could be dead by then. So Advil + heating pad until then. *sigh*

But here's my question for you---- how do I turn things down without feeling like an asshole?

KY Intimacy Experiment Week Eight: In Good Taste

2011-12-11T19:46:00.000-06:00

For those of you newbies playing catch up with us, enter at these back links for more chances to win your VERY own KY Intimacy Experiment set.

Week One- Love Nest
Week Two- It's Not Just About Sex
Week Three- Everything Old is New Again
Week Four- Outside The Comfort Zone
Week Five: Fun and Games
Week Six: Getting Back In Touch
Week Seven: Sometimes A Fantasy

According to my booklet, 58% of couples who often cook together are satisfied with their sex lives. Everyone knows that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.Which was lucky for Matt because by the time he met me I already had a few dinners I knew I could rely on should I be in charge of feeding us on a date night. And as I've gotten older I've experimented a bit and while I will never say I'm a great cook, I can hold my own. I can feed people and none of them will get sick or die and quite frankly- that's a pretty huge accomplishment.

Our challenge this week was to cook together without the promise of sex. Unfortunately, pretty much anyone who knows me knows I am a notoriously picky eater so while I often cook really terrific looking meals for my family... I'm not always eating it. I'll cook veggies and seriously good for you food... and then eat a bowl of cereal. The challenge of finding a dish that could maybe be love inducing or just edible for both of us was fairly difficult so we resorted to our standby of pasta. We both love pasta and you can make that with very little fighting.

Which is code for- Matt basically watched me cook but stayed in the kitchen the entire time talking to me. Which is HUGE. Why? Um, because Matt hates talking. If he could be a successful mute person I think he absolutely would do it.

The night time activity, or part two, was to have dessert "on you", and maybe bring "some flavors from the kitchen into the bedroom". Guess what, fans? I really dislike the whole food + sex aspect. First off, dirty. Dirty, dirty, dirty. Because you know you're going to make a mess on the sheets and I'm sorry- I can't go to sleep for fear I've got Cool Whip doing it's yucky warm-dairy-product smell thing in my sheets. And I don't feel like changing sheets after a good romp through them. So the food was not going to happen. (Also? I was out of whipped cream AND chocolate syrup. Which is a tragedy for other reasons.) But we did go to our cool box of goodies and use the K-Y Yours+Mine Kissable Sensations which was kind of awesome. And thank you K-Y for making a product that doesn't leave a waxy taste in your mouth, I completely appreciate that.

But a word to the wise- do NOT ever think you can get eat pasta and then feel sexy afterwards. Because you can't. You might look like this:

via

but you will feel more like this:

via

And that is just a fact. I know I probably looked good in my Black Friday Victoria Secret purchase (that I only got because I was stuck in line for 20 minutes and I stared it down and thought "Oh fuck it- I've got my VS card!"), but I felt like a beached whale. So if you are going to try this experiment or are going on a date where you think you might be having sex? Steer clear of pasta, peeps.
****
OK- so every week I will post about the KY Intimacy Experiment (next week's challenge is Dangerous Liaisons and offer you chances to win your own kit. At the end of the experiment I will put all of your entries from every single post into a bucket to win. So you are going to have a lot of chances to win... I highly encourage you to enter and spread the word. Here are your chances (and you MUST be a follower through GFC, and you MUST leave me your email address so if you win I can contact you!):

1. Comment on this post- do you cook with your spouse? Do you feel satisfied with your sex life?

2. Share this on Twitter (leave separate comment)

3. Share this on Facebook (leave separate comment)

4. "Like" CouplesPlace on Facebook (leave separate comment)

5. Blog about this! Mention my blog series (and link back to this post)! (leave separate comment)

Good luck!

CHICK-tionary (GIVEAWAY)

2011-12-08T21:29:00.000-06:00

OH man. Oh man, oh man, oh man. If you need a book that is perfect to give to your girlfriend (Christmas, Birthday, Kwanzaa, National Popsicle Day, etc) then this is it. If you unfortunately do not have a vagina but instead have a penis and are confused by women lingo? You need this book.

CHICK-tionary by Anna Lefler

Your bestie, biffle, and GMF rolled into one! You’re all over the definitions of “low lights,” “ruching,” and a “tankini.” But can you spot a “Mrs. Potato Head” when you see one? That’s where The CHICKtionary comes in. The CHICKtionary is a humorous dictionary of the words and phrases women use—and what they really mean when they use them. The book corrals more than 450 terms, including some you know (uterus) and some you might not (flexting), and defines each from the perspective of a typical contemporary woman—a woman who avoids accidental pageant hair, is frenemies with her robotic vacuum and only occasionally relies on her high-waisted jeans to hold up her strapless bra.

I will tell you I normally don't love books meant to be funny. I also don't really like jokes or when people are intentionally trying to make me laugh. It's never funny and I think it's dumb.

But I LOVED this book. I loved it because I can relate to it, because I say all of these things, and it's like I'm chatting with my biffle about these things. Yeah, that's right- I use the word "biffle" and if you don't know what that is you are A) a loser without a biffle and B) probably not a woman. In case you don't know what a biffle is, let's educate you:

Biffle, noun: Variation of BFFL, or best friend for life. Your biffle is your homegirl, your wingwoman, the top of the female friendship hierarchy- and you are the same for her. Your biffle knows where you hide your spare key, the home address of the guy who landed you in the women's clinic with those nasty red bumps, and the real story behind that thing that happened that time at the cabin. Not even your kryptonite guy (see also: kryptonite guy) can destabilize the bond you share with your biffle.

GENIUS.

I love how it's put together just like a dictionary, it's all alphabetical. I learned some new words that made me spit out my Pepsi and strain my already busted up shoulder, but I'm OK with that.
Another definition that made me literally worry that I maybe leaked some pee in bed? (Because I've had two kids- this could happen.)

Childbirth, noun: Part miracle of nature, part slasher film, childbirth is one of those things that has to be experienced to be believed, particularly the first time around. Like skydiving, you can listen to the instructor talk all day long, but until someone pushes your ass out of an airplane, it's all academic. Luckily, every woman's body is slightly different, so no matter how experienced your doctor/midwife/cabdriver is, there will be a moment when he or she looks truly perplexed by something happening between your legs. It's comforting at that time to remember that women have been giving birth for centuries and the body knows what to do. After all, it's as simple as slipping a cannonball through a keyhole.

The only definition I would add for a part two that I feel should never be left out is when someone says "Have a nice day". That right there? That's code for "Eat shit and die" when it's from someone who you know doesn't like you such as a frenemy. So Anna- please add that to a sequel, because it's important.

So overall? I loved this book. LOVED IT. I cannot emphasize how much I loved this book because it's beyond words. Beyond, people. Buy it for all of your friends. It's that good. (See what other tour stops are saying about it HERE)

But one of you lucky lambwhores are going to win a copy, so follow the rules and we'll draw a winner on Monday!

MANDATORY

*Be a follower of this blog and leave a comment telling me who you'd give this book to (after you read it)

EXTRA ENTRIES (leave separate comments)

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Good luck babes!

It's times like this where I wish I was friendly with the drug dealers in my hood.

2011-12-06T19:55:00.000-06:00

For the past few weeks I've battled migraines. I have apparently conquered them this week (knock on wood) but I have a really shitty new problem. At first I thought I threw my shoulder out while putting a very sick little Jackson to bed last night. As the day has progressed I think I have a seriously pinched nerve right under my right shoulder blade, which sends shooting pain up into my neck and down my right arm.

Basically- I can't turn my head and using my right arm at all causes a ton of pain. Which is fun because you know, I'm right handed. I've mentioned before that my left arm is basically only decoration because it has no strength or ability to do anything I need it to. It literally just acts as an accessory to make me not look like a weirdo kids point and stare at. So all day I've struggled just doing things.. simple things like peeing... and everything that goes with it, without turning my head in any direction or using my right arm.

It's been a treat.

So I called my doctor who tells me she can't see me until next week and won't even give me a muscle relaxer so I can function. I really don't want to spend $200 on Urgent Care mainly because I don't have that. I have an appointment for a chiropractor on Thursday but not until the end of the day. I've alternated between heating pads and cold packs. I've soaked in the tub twice today and my skin is now so dry and burning I can barely stand it. I've taken all the over the counter crap I can take without over dosing. The kicker is that I know, I JUST KNOW, the drug dealer down the street probably has something I could use but because he knows I've called the cops on him when he has his drug drive thru service going in the summer, I doubt he'd be willing to help me.

So yay me.

The Ornament Tradition

2011-12-05T20:19:00.000-06:00

I know it's Monday and you expect Hot Bitch Monday, but to be honest? I've done nothing over the last week. Between battling migraines, kid sickness and just life in general I have hardly eaten and I certainly haven't exercised.

Some of you were wondering if I ran in the Gobble Gallop and the answer is no. I also didn't run in the Jingle Bell run this past Saturday even though I really wanted to. There were a couple of reasons why I didn't do either but the major deciding factor was that I just didn't have the money to register. Both of them were relatively inexpensive, but we're living very frugally right now because we have had some extra bills the last couple of months and now Christmas is upon us. I could spend the money to go run or I could buy a couple of gifts. I chose to buy gifts over my fitness. How's that for selfless? But that's OK. I am thinking about really signing up for a kickboxing class beginning in January because it was under $50 a month and I could even throw in another class with it for the same price, so stay tuned.
**
But let's talk about my ornament tradition. I think I have mentioned it before but I know I have enough new people here that it's a worthwhile post.

So every year since Matt and I started dating (10 years ago as of January 13) we have gotten at least one ornament that reminded us of that year. Some are silly (like the rooster- everywhere we went that year we ran into rooster inspired things and it was hilarious at the time. Or the pickle that Matt says looks like a deformed penis.), to the meaningful ones (a wedding ornament, baby's first Christmas ornaments), to the fun memory ones (vacations, etc). But every year we get at least one, take a picture of it, and I have a mini scrapbook I put it in and write down why we chose the ornament(s). Over the years our tree is more and more full with these funky ornaments and this is the first year our entire tree is decorated with them instead of store bought bulbs.

This year we have added a few more on. I took pictures of everything except the ornaments the kids chose themselves- Olivia chose a Belle from Beauty and the Beast and Jackson chose Thomas the Train.

I got this one on our trip to Chicago in August- it was our first time at Navy Pier so I had to get a Navy Pier one.

Obviously from our Vegas trip!

You can't see it well but it's from our Michigan trip in June.

Then I participated in an ornament exchange which I LOVE. To make it even better- I found a reality TV loving, anything sparkly/glittery, sassy chick named Carrie was my exchange buddy. Folks? I feel like I maybe met my match in awesomeness. I got her a traditional ornament but then got all bonus-y and sent her a six pack of green glitter ornaments because I think I'm in love with her? Like we could be besties. We should be. Because every time I watch trash shows such as "Basketball Wives: LA" (or my hotly anticipated new fav.. "Baseball Wives") I can't wait to email her because she always gets it.

So when my package from her came last week I almost peed myself with happiness. (Which is true because I hadn't peed recently and after two kids the ol' bladder ain't what it used to be.) So behold... the greatness that is my new ornaments:

With a card that declares her my Texas Drinking Buddy. I don't drink but I absolutely would break my own rule to clink her glass! I was so excited and Matt was all, "What the hell? Why is there a wine bottle on the tree?!" to which I ask, WHY NOT? Why have I not had this all along? WHY? I don't know why, but I'm glad Carrie fixed that. And hello- a Texas ornament with a midget riding a donkey that is taller than a cactus? The only thing better would have been something related to a goat because you know my love of goats, folks. I also love that the wine bottle is sitting next to the "Baby's First Christmas" ornament because it all seems like it was maybe related. HA! So thank you Carrie- you made my tree much more awesome and I absolutely adore my new ornaments, AND my new buddy.

So that's our ornament tradition. What tradition do you do with your family for Christmas (or whatever holiday you celebrate?)

The day Christmas threw up on our house.

2011-12-04T10:23:00.000-06:00

All over the blogosphere I am seeing posts about people putting their trees up and you know this bitch put hers up on Black Friday. I have always done it on Black Friday for a few reasons. One, I love Christmas and if it were socially acceptable to have the tree up all year I would. Two, I always go shopping on Black Friday and while I have never been physically assaulted or witnessed it, I do see the worst of the worst- people who clearly hate Christmas but yet are out shopping at midnight. Putting up my stuff makes me happy after dealing with these people for 10+ hours.

And as an aside? If you hate Christmas so much? Stop buying gifts. Seriously. If you really hate going out and having to be selfless and think of other people? Just don't go. And if you are one of those people who never know what to get anyone? That may be an indication that you are a selfish person. Just sayin.

*end rant*

This year we cheated and since it was like 40 degrees on Thanksgiving I made Matt go out and put outdoor illumination on the house. I love lights. I love, love, love the tackiness of it all and if my lights prohibits someone else from relaxing in their living room? I love it. I want to be as offensive as I can because I have that much cheer. Sadly, Matt informed me that some of my lights just didn't make it from last year. I am convinced it was sabotage since he hates the outdoor lights and hates Christmas, but you better believe that when shit goes on clearance? I'm stocking up on more. Lighted pigs, flamingos, and the bouncing penguins will be mine. Oh yes, they will be mine.

But there's Matt- trying to fix the icicle lights that go around the peak of our house and stuff.

And my kids were telling him where stuff needed to go.

But on Black Friday we put up our tree and it basically looks like Christmas has thrown up in my house. It's everywhere. Except the bathroom and bedrooms- Matt says absolutely not. (But no promises if a Santa toilet seat goes on clearance).

I also have to give props to Matt for sneakily taking pictures of my ass while decorating the tree- because afterwards his response was, "Well I figured you wanted to blog it." That? That right there is how I know he's a keeper.

So we put up the tree. Our lighted tree from last year died, though it gave us five good years. So I bought this tree for $30 at Target and honestly? I wish it were bigger. I do. Look at all of that space I could have a bigger tree! Maybe they'll go on clearance after Christmas..

I will do a post about our ornament tradition later, but this is the first year where I have no junky glass bulbs on the tree. Every single ornament on our tree has some meaning behind it and that's my favorite part (so far) of Christmas this year. It's kind of awesome to see almost ten years of memories of Matt and I on this tree. It's also weird to say we've been together ten years in January.

So after we put the tree up and while I put the rest of the decorations up, the tradition is that we always watch The Grinch Who Stole Christmas and stay up late. The kids were loving it and they are incredibly excited for Christmas this year. And this year Olivia had a TON of questions about Christmas, the Grinch, etc after the movie so that was kind of bittersweet. I feel like I only have another year or two of Santa in her and that makes me kind of sad because I remember the Christmas when she was like 15 months old? She squealed when she saw her fuzzy Elmo chair under the tree and I wish she could be that cute little kid forever.

But you want to see the outside of the house, right? Here it is... missing 3/4 of it's stuff that mysteriously "broke" in the garage.

I have nothing that blinks. I have a Santa and Snowman tied by their necks to my front porch. It seems completely wrong. We obviously need more in our yard. A lot more.

Conversations and Cosmopolitans- GIVEAWAY

2011-12-01T20:49:00.000-06:00

Easily one of my favorite books this year.

Conversations and Cosmopolitans by Robert Rave and Jane Rave

After moving from the Midwest to New York City at the age of twenty-one, Robert Rave finally found the resolve to mail a letter to his parents informing them that he was gay. Once Robert was “out,” both he and his mother Jane felt a new found freedom to be more honest with each other. From the discrimination Jane experienced as a pregnant teenager in a small town, to Robert’s “manscaping,” almost no topic. was off-limits in their conversations. Soon, Robert was creating a “gay glossary” so that Jane could understand the lexicon and Jane was giving Robert the same dating advice that she used to give Robert’s older sister (“men are jerks”). Conversations and Cosmopolitans is a frank, funny, and heartfelt look at coming out from both a mother’s and son’s perspective, and an inspiring memoir about building family relationships based on honesty, openness, and acceptance.

First off, anyone who knows that I am a huge supporter of LGBT rights and advocacy. It's a damn shame that even in 2011 a person has to live in fear because of who they love yet we as a society praise young men and women to be absolute whores (hello, Jersey Shore) and that's totally fine. It's kind of ass backwards if you ask me.

What also is a shame is that there are thousands of people out there who face shame and disapproval from their families because of who they are. As a parent myself my hopes for my children is that they lead the life they want and are happy. I think there are two ways to really tell how great a parent you are: 1. Does your child still worry about your approval well into their adulthood and 2. Are they able to talk to you?

Both of these are answered by the mother and son duo of Robert and Jane Rave. Robert starts this memoir by talking about the letter he wrote to his parents explaining that he is a gay man, he's OK with it, and he hopes they are OK with it. Not going to lie, it breaks my heart as a mom to think that a child would ever feel like they would be less loved by their parents but it's a reality.

This book was absolutely fantastic because Jane sounds like a really supportive and loving mom. I also really appreciated Robert's openness of his life and how he was feeling at such a turning point in his life. And to be honest, I don't think I would ever feel comfortable having the experiences and conversations he has with his mom with my own. But maybe that's why I loved the book- you can read the chapter and feel just as awkward as Robert did. I also loved how Robert would tell a story and the following chapter is Jane's point of view or add commentary that just makes the whole thing even better.

Bottom line? You need to read this book. If you are a parent then you will love this and end up hoping you end up as cool of a mom as Jane.

But one of you will get to win your own copy (US/Canada only)!

Mandatory
*Be a follower of this blog via GFC and leave a comment!

Extra Entries (leave a comment for each one)
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I will close this giveaway on Monday, loves!

You know that feeling...

2011-11-30T19:49:00.001-06:00

... where you look at objects on your desk and wonder how effective they would be to carve out a chunk of your brain? Or when you really look at the wall and think maybe if you hit your head hard enough on it that maybe it'll relieve some of the pain from a migraine?

No?

Lucky bitches.

Because I suffer from migraines and have since I was around 12 or so, and it really sucks. If you have never had a true migraine you can't ever know how incredibly horrible it is. I am also one of the lucky few who don't even know what a regular headache feels like because I never get them... it's all or nothing up in here and it's really kind of disgusting.

Currently I feel like I am possibly high on Maxalt, the only pain relieving drug I have found, so at least I can see (partially) out of my left eye again but I feel fuzzy from the inside. Feeling fuzzy on the inside isn't as bad as it sounds- I feel like a human pillow pet at this point and that's not so bad.

I have tried vitamins, and they haven't worked. I have tried a few daily preventative medications that haven't worked and the only one left is one that can cause organ failure and/or schizophrenia and quite honestly, when I'm on a multiple day migraine bender like now schizophrenia doesn't seem so bad. I've had all kinds of scans on my head because I am convinced my brain is growing a secret tumor and it'll just show up one day. I have regulated my diet, I monitor my caffeine intake, I have a specific amount of water I know I need to have in a day otherwise I get an instant migraine. And I have to be precise because too much water will give me an instant migraine. I can't even take any kind of Advil or Tylenol regular stuff for anything anymore because I'm somehow resistant to it. I also can't take most pain medication because since having Jackson... I'm resistant to those as well. Which also makes for fun times should I need a medical procedure or even a filling on a tooth because guess what doesn't work? That would be Novocaine, peeps. I'm kind of hard core at this point and I don't like it at all. So I'm sitting here with my horribly expensive Maxalt knowing I can't take another one (technically) for 17.75 hours because you aren't supposed to take more than one in a 24 hour period.... but my head is pounding again and now I feel like I'm going to puke.

Looks like another restless night in the Strand household.

A Watershed Year

2011-11-29T17:17:00.000-06:00

In time for the holidays... a book review!

A Watershed Year by Susan Schoenberger

Months after the funeral of her best friend Harlan, Lucy McVie continues to be haunted by what was left unsaid between them when she receives the first of Harlan’s emails, arranged to be sent after his death. So begins Lucy’s watershed year — a year in which she travels to Russia to adopt a young boy and starts a new relationship that takes her by surprise, all the while learning about how Harlan truly felt when he was alive.

Before I get into my review I will tell you that I liked the book. Is this a book I would grab off my shelf and re-read? Probably not, but mostly because I feel like I understood all aspects of the book enough that re-reading it wouldn't help me understand anything any better.

I kind of loved Harlan's character and wished he had more time in the book. I realized he dies almost right away and that is what kicks off the rest of the novel, but I felt like he could have been used more, if that makes sense. I also really respected his outlook on life and impending death. Sure, he could have continued with treatment but only to gain what, another couple of years? Are you really going to accomplish everything in those couple of years? Is it fair to just prolong the process of death for those around you and even yourself? I don't know and perhaps I would feel differently if it were me in those shoes. But his outlook on life and death was refreshing and real to me.

Lucy kind of annoyed me though. I'm kind of a hard ass when it comes to things and I have very little time for the people who feel like their world is over when someone dies. I get she was in love with Harlan but come ON. Get a grip on life you Debbie Downer. That's pretty much what I would say to Lucy if she were a real person. But then she goes through the process of adopting a little boy from Russia for what I feel to be wholly selfish reasons and that irked me too. Yay for adopting a little boy but is it fair to the boy if he's going to a home with someone who decided on a whim to adopt him? Kind of seems terrible to me.

But one line in the book I absolutely loved because it really is true: "It was more like resolve, a determination to go through the motions of parenthood until, on day, she would stop remembering what it was like to be a nonparent and embrace what parenting seemed to be: experimental treatment that might or might not work, the results too far in the future to know." How perfect is that? That is probably the best description of parenting I have ever heard. You just do what you think is right and hope that it works and your kid doesn't grow up to be a serial killer. I figure if you can keep your child out of jail you've done something right at least.

So overall, it was a good book. You can tell some logical thought was put into the process because the plot moved along at just the right speed, all of the necessary road bumps you expect are there, and yet you are left satisfied at the end. It would make a really great gift for the reader on your list.

You know I don't ask you just to rely on what I say, so please check out the other tour stops for this novel!

Hot Bitch Monday Weigh In and the State of My Girl Parts

2011-11-28T20:26:00.000-06:00

Today I had my super fun annual appointment at the OB/GYN. But the great thing about that is that I got to be weighed in and the magic number is....

163.3

The medical assistant wouldn't let me take a picture of it so that was lame. But I was pretty damn happy with that. Because my scale at home keep saying 164 pounds, but I always assume it's kind of off, and in this case it is but in a good way. :)

My issue is snacking. Like I am a for real snack-a-holic and I need to get myself in check. I also don't snack on things that I should like fruits and veggies so my challenge is to find things that aren't fruits and veggies that are still good for me, or at least not horrible. Any ideas?
**

But let's talk about my appointment. I think I mentioned how last year they were obviously trying to conserve and you didn't even get the paper sheet to cover up with. So you were basically naked from the waist down just letting it all hang out. This year? They must have gotten a ton of complaints because I got the paper sheet. Except it was micro size so it only covered my vagina, but left my ass out. Honestly- I don't know what it matters, they see your vagina anyways.

It also made me realize how absurd it all really is. Nowhere else are you half naked talking about the state of your vagina and answering questions about your natural lubrication, your birth control and if you have any vaginal discomfort. It's all kind of weird and I pretty much started laughing. I am sure the nurse practitioner thought I was nuts or something.

So hopefully everything checks out with mini Sara. I am kind of nervous though because I have to call and schedule an ultrasound on mah boobies. They hurt... a LOT, but they are also more lumpy than they were. On the plus side, the NP assures me that breast cancer doesn't hurt but still. It's weird. Because they hurt enough to be the equivalent to when your milk dries up. Which, if you've never experienced that, it's kind of fucking horrible. So think happy things.

So I need you to give me snack ideas. You don't want a fat lambwhore leader, bitches.

Winners and Crazy.

2011-11-27T19:40:00.000-06:00

I have to announce the winners of two book giveaways before I forget about you all completely. Sorry I'm running behind... but more on that in a bit.

Hometown Girl book winner is.... #1 Margaret!

People Tell Me Things winner is.... #2 MomTaxiJulie!

Congrats, ladies! I will contact you to get your info.
**

In other news... life is kind of crazy. First up was Black Friday. Bitches- I did AWESOME on Black Friday and I waited until 2am to go out. Which worked our perfectly because I hit up Kohl's, JCPenney, Younkers, Victoria's Secret, Bath & Body Works, Old Navy, and Barnes and Noble all by 7 am. I came home, took a three hour nap, got up to get my kids ready for a movie date with my grandparents, and then I went to Target and out to lunch with Matt. After dropping him off so there would be someone here when the kids came home, I went to Walmart. I kind of rocked it. Especially when I have added up all of my receipts for Black Friday and the week leading up to it? I've only spent $271 and some change. Um, I'm pretty much done homies. DONE.

Then I am like 99% sure I am going to be the new PTO president for my daughter's school. Which is totally fine and I'm so freakishly organized that I think it'll be OK. But for the last week I have a constant to-do list running in my head of questions I need to ask, things to get done, people to contact, etc that it's kind of overwhelming. I also need to start writing it all down in the same place not on post it notes. I kind of hate post it notes for this reason... even if they do make a pretty rainbow around my desk.

I started on my Christmas cards and yikes. I just have more and more every year and I think next year? Some people are getting CUT. Can I just say that I feel like you are kind of obligated to send a card to family? I mean, if you are the person who never sends any out, ever.... then OK. You get a pass. But for me I feel like I'm guilted into sending a card to Matt's cousins and stuff every year. We never talk to them, they never talk to us, we (and I mean all of the family that lives this far north) are always kind of out casted and for the last few years? We don't get a card back. So I feel like saving myself the stamp and skipping them. Is that wrong? Would I be breaking a social etiquette rule? What do you all do for cards?

OK- so I will be back with my regularly scheduled programming tomorrow. I had something better planned for today but not going to lie- the Basketball Wives reruns have held me captive. Again. I can't get enough of crazy rich people. I just can't.

Thanksgiving.

2011-11-24T11:49:00.000-06:00

I have a confession:

I kind of hate Thanksgiving.

I know. I KNOW. I could practically hear the audible gasps from you all. But let me be clear- it's not because I am not a thankful person or that I don't feel like giving thanks. Because I feel like I give thanks every day for what I have, the people in my life, and the things that make my life as great as it is.

I just am not the type of person who enjoys eating for fun. I also don't like all of the pressure there is to cook some awesome meal everyone walks away raving about. And I don't like doing 27 loads of dishes in one day. It's kind of not awesome. And it makes me less thankful by the number of people in my life because that many people really just result in 27 loads of dishes.

So this year? My family and I are going out. We're going to a mediocre restaurant, we are going to tip well, we will come home and eat dessert, and I will have no dishes because you know my ass bought disposable plates and forks. It might go down as the best Thanksgiving ever.

But before I go and leave you to your own dishes I will leave you with the list of things I am thankful for.

1. My kids. Olivia and Jackson are probably the two best kids in the whole wide world. I am the luckiest person to be able to be their mommy and they make me so happy. Even when they are crabby, or leave messes, or pee their pants, or smear boogers on the couch that I have to scrub off, they make me happy. Just thinking about watching them grow up makes my heart so full of pride because they are so incredible.

2. My husband. Even though he won't let me get a goat, pony, donkey, or llama- he is still pretty awesome. We can be a really great team when we need to and he is the best dad. I could not have picked a better father for my children, hands down. We also make cute babies (see above). He understands me and he never questions me when I say I need to go out of town for a day or two. He supports me in everything I do, even if it does seem kind of crazy. He works incredibly long hours so we can have such a great life. And I am so proud of us for working through tough times.

3. My parents. I have some of the greatest parents ever. I really do. Sure, we may fight now and again but at the end of the day- I would do anything for them and I know they would for me as well. I am so lucky to have such an amazing mom because she watches my kids while I work and I don't have to worry about their well being. I know my mom would do anything for those kids and that peace of mind is so nice. And my step dad works his ass off to provide for the family and puts himself last all of the time so everyone else can have what they need and want. They have been the best role models for me and I'm grateful.

4. My job. I have a really fantastic job. Where else can you be around books, and education, and new people, and great co-workers and read when it's slow? No where. I am so glad I quit my other job and found this one because it has been such a great experience. I love everyone I work with and I really enjoy going to work every day. I look forward to every single day.

5. My friends. I know I've mentioned I have some great friends. But I really do. I have some of the best group of friends and sometimes when I am with them I just feel happy because I even know them. I love the fact that no matter how much time goes by, all of my friends are still as awesome as ever. I look forward to every time we hang out because I know I will feel recharged and my face will hurt from laughing.

6. My brother. He gets his own category because he is that awesome. I love my little brudder so much and I am so thankful we are as close as we are. He is an amazing uncle and I am so lucky to have a great guy to hang with my kids.

7. Stumpy and Batman. Because even though they eat the toilet paper and drink out of the toilet, and kill all of my plants and scratch the back door, and kick their litter all over the floor and leave tufts of fur all over everything- I love those little bastards.

8. My house. I love my house and that I even have a house. Even though the laundry sink still clogs and overflows, it's freezing in here in the winter, and it is costing us more and more money to maintain every year, I'm happy I have a house. So many people don't and we are fortunate to have it.

I have a lot more to be thankful for, and nobody wants to read the rest of the list. But I do. I am very grateful for all of those people in my life that are positive and awesome. And even the people who are petty, childish and losers for life, because they make me love the positive and awesome people even more. And honestly? I love all of my blog followers, the bloggers I follow, and the really genuinely great people I know through all of this. Because you guys are just really great and I appreciate the time you take to read this blog, to comment, to email me, to send me really great texts and FB messages--- it makes my life that much happier.

So whether you are at home cleaning 27 loads of dishes, being an unhelpful asshole on the couch while someone else does the dishes, or you are say "fuck it all" and going out- I hope you have a great Thanksgiving. I hope you can find the things that make your life worth living and find some joy out of them.

Breaking Dawn- midnight movie, bare feet, cup frenzy, and condom head.

2011-11-23T19:53:00.001-06:00

Maybe you didn't know this about me, but I'm a Twi-hard. I am and I am not ashamed of it. I have been counting down to Breaking Dawn since Eclipse came out and it definitely did not disappoint. Was Kristen Stewart amazing? No, but she never is and you just expect that her happy, sad, and constipated face all look the same. Was Robert dreamy? Of course. Is this the movie where Jacob reveals himself to be a pedophile that can lick his own ass (in theory)? Why yes. Yes, it is.

First off, we got to the theatre at 4:30 like crazy people and proceeded to make friends with the first two girls in line. The strategy here is that they open the first (and largest) theatre at 10 for seating, and if you are in the front you can go sit down in actual chairs, get your pick of seats, and get ramped up to sit for another two hours... just in a different location. But while waiting the just under six hours to do that, we admired the artwork.

We got into a cup frenzy when we realized for the low price of $6.95, you can get a large soda in a collectible Twilight cup. So I went up and got one. And got a fucking Jacob cup. I hate Jacob. I can't be attracted to someone who, hypothetically, could lick his own ass. So then I decided to make Kate go up and get me an Edward cup. Unfortunately, the theatre people are pretty hard core and would not let you pick... and you guessed it, she comes back with a fucking Bella cup. I don't think KStew has any kind of discernible talent, so I don't want that. I decided at almost 10 that I would suck it up and try for a third time (just tally up what I've spent so far). I got another Jacob cup while my friend Tammy behind me? Got Edward. Not cool, man. Not cool.

But I decided it was either not meant to be or I could hope someone throws theirs away and I would dumpster dive. Don't question my love for Edward or even for Robert Pattinson, because RPatz was my date.

I even had my "I love Vampires" shirt on. And blood red nails. I thought I grabbed my red lipstick but I apparently didn't.

The other bonus to sitting in a crowded room for two hours is that you notice the people around you. OH! Before I talk about that- let's talk about personal hygiene. The people behind us in the lobby (group of 6 or so) smelled horrible. So horrible that when it was close to 10 and we really had to squeeze in, I could barely breathe. It wasn't just me, Tammy and Lisa also had a hard time breathing while Kate and Angie were OK, but they were dealing with a woman who came drunk. I know. Class it up, right? But here's the thing- daily showering is kind of awesome. Not just for your own cleanliness, but because nobody wants to smell your stank ass. Seriously. Combine that with them chain smoking the entire time? The fact my lungs are still inflated is kind of a miracle.

Anyways.

So once we got in, we noticed some fun people around us. There was of course, your expected teenage couple on a date too nervous to make up but being over the top touchy feely it makes you want to barf. I can say 100% that I was not like the couple in front of us. I think I told Ang that this is how that show Teen Mom came about. That right there.

Then there was the woman with an unfortunately small hat for her head... and it made her head look like a ribbed for her pleasure condom.

Or the person who thinks it's OK to stick her BARE FEET on some one's head rest. No, it's not ok. First off, it's November and it was damn cold that day- you have no business wearing no socks you freak. Second off, nobody wants your feet grazing their hair. What if you have a fungus? Now the person in front of them has foot fungus in their hair.

Anyways. I had other pictures but they were blurry and you can't really tell what they are meant to be. But the movie was good. It was pretty much what I expected it to be. The only thing I kind of didn't like was the birthing scene- first off, kind of gross and gory for PG 13? I covered my eyes and almost threw up once. I also love it how Edward is all holding the baby as Bella is dying and I'm all, "DUDE! Put the baby down!" and that is so typical guy. A woman pops a baby out and the dad is all, "Wow-- this is awesome" as the mom is all writhing in pain or dealing with a placenta, or having to get a shot in her va-jay-jay for stitches and just you know- completely oblivious. So rude. Anyways. I was also really wanting more sex scene. It better be more graphic in the deleted scenes on the DVD otherwise I'll be stabby. Fucking teenagers ruin everything.

But overall? It was a good time with some great friends. I'm already excited for the final installation of the series... and you know I'll be there at midnight. Or more realistically, at dinner time.

And for those of you who want to know.. did I ever get an Edward cup? Yes. Yes, I did. Because you know my stealthy ninja ways totally grabbed the cup from the schmoopy couple in front of me when it became clear they had more pressing issues to deal with than the cup. Then I also grabbed another one that someone foolishly left behind. So now I have two. And a Jacob cup. I gave my other Jacob cup to Angie because she loves him and I won't fault her for that because she's young and will see the light some day.

Domestic Bitch Saturday: Nachos and Glitter.

2011-11-19T19:53:00.000-06:00

Let's give me a round of applause for not only doing this post this week (despite my insane schedule and to-do list) but also because I actually got it to you on a Saturday. That hasn't happened in awhile but I'm super mom today so I figured I'd get it out.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a fan of nachos. And not that shit you get at the Breaking Dawn midnight showing with stale chips and cold cheese. No, I like my nachos fresh out of the oven but I also don't like a lot of stuff. I usually order nachos with everything on the side, except the cheese and chicken. Because you know I always get the shredded chicken if it's an option. So I decided that I was just going to go ahead and make me some nachos the other night. And I proceeded to eat almost the entire pan but I had to hurry because Matt was eating the other half and it was a race to see who got more. Sadly, I lost but I ate enough to feel sickeningly full.

God damn were those good. I did get crazy and layer my chips with chicken, SALSA, and cheese. Yes- I ate salsa. I didn't totally love salsa, but I didn't gag and I'm marking it as a win in the "Sara's is a ridiculously picky eater" category.

I also have been making glitter ornaments. I made some last year using ink and white glitter and those are gorgeous. (And some are on sale right here) But while perusing Pinterest a few months ago I found a pin where the woman made them using floor cleaner and glitter, and you know I was on it.

Well, not super on it since it took me a few months to do it. But I did it.

The key here (apparently) is to get the Pledge with that little "FUTURE" logo on it. I will tell you that it is sticky as hell and I think that's why it works. So when you accidentally get it on the outside of your clear glass bulb- wipe it off. Otherwise it looks smudgy. So you need that, some glitter (I am using the Martha Stewart stuff because it comes in colors like Limeade and Blueberry Slush and I like things with fun names), and clear bulbs (I used glass ones only so far).

Basically you pour some cleaner in your bulb, turn your bulb so it coats the entire inside, pour out excess. Dump in a shit ton of glitter, turn bulb so it coats inside, dump out excess. Save the glitter you dump out so you can put it back into the glitter container.

I got both of these sets done in maybe ten minutes. It goes really quick and they turn out awesome. I am obviously going to the store to get more bulbs because now I'm out of control.

I also made one set of cards for my Etsy shop. More Christmas/Hanukkah/Holiday cards are coming, but the magical time fairy is slow on getting to me. But these are super cute thank you cards. I made some extra for myself, but you can buy these HERE.

But I figured I would ask- what else would be cool to feature in my shop? Are there a certain kind of cards you think I should carry, what do you think I should learn how to make? If you have ideas, I am certainly open for suggestions.

Also in the next few weeks I am going to feature super easy things even you, the crafty challenged, can make for the holidays. I've made a few but they aren't totally finished so I figured I would feature one each week, and this week was the glitter ornaments. You can totally bang out a ton of those (and clean your floors, you dirty lambwhores) in very little time and give them to people at work and look like you spent a ton of time. And then everyone will be like, "Wow, those are so awesome" and you can be like, "Yah- I know. My lambwhore leader showed me the way". It's a win-win for us all.

OK- so stay tuned for next week's Domestic Bitch adventures!

KY Intimacy Experiment Week Seven- Sometimes a Fantasy

2011-11-18T18:31:00.000-06:00

For those of you newbies playing catch up with us, enter at these back links for more chances to win your VERY own KY Intimacy Experiment set.

Week One- Love Nest
Week Two- It's Not Just About Sex
Week Three- Everything Old is New AgainWeek Four- Outside the Comfort Zone
Week Five: Fun and Games
Week Six: Getting Back In Touch

If you are a prude you will struggle with this week- just warning you. Our day exercise consisted of thinking back to your most erotically memorable experience(s). I love how the book differentiated between erotically memorable versus sexually memorable because sometimes a fantasy has nothing to do with the sex per say, but more everything leading up to or sometimes afterwards. And then share this with your partner. I have to confess that I really don't have fantasies. I feel like I'm pretty vocal about what I want or don't want, so I can't say I have ever really had a fantasy. Instead I described things I've visualized as a result of a book which Matt thought was hysterical and said maybe he should read more.

Also being honest, I was kind of scared to hear what Matt would share because Matt is kind of a freak. And sometimes his freakness scares me because it's so far out of what I would consider "normal" so I often have to have time to digest what we talked about. Which was the case with this exercise.

We also ended up sharing about experiences that we thought or hoped would be different and just weren't or how we've changed even since being married. I would say that we have both changed sexually since being married and talked about how it's been kind of hard to change together to keep it interesting instead of isolating.

Our evening exercise was basically trying to incorporate elements from fantasies into our sex life, whether we actually have sex or not. It was kind of awkward. Mostly because I think a lot of that is kind of silly and stupid and have a hard time getting into things like this, so I pretty much struggled. I had a hard time telling if Matt was genuinely into it or was really just as awkward but trying hard not to be. I don't know. I think we need more work here.

Next week's challenge is In Good Taste. We have to cook together and I already have high anxiety about sharing kitchen duties.
**
OK- so every week I will post about the KY Intimacy Experiment and offer you chances to win your own kit. At the end of the experiment I will put all of your entries from every single post into a bucket to win. So you are going to have a lot of chances to win... I highly encourage you to enter and spread the word. Here are your chances (and you MUST be a follower through GFC, and you MUST leave me your email address so if you win I can contact you!):

1. Comment on this post- have you shared your fantasies with your partner and do you know theirs?
2. Share this on Twitter (leave separate comment)
3. Share this on Facebook (leave separate comment)
4. "Like" CouplesPlace on Facebook (leave separate comment)
5. Blog about this! Mention my blog series (and link back to this post)! (leave separate comment)

Good luck my loves!

Hometown Girl and GIVEAWAY

2011-11-18T18:16:00.000-06:00

I know most of you want a play by play of my midnight shenanigans at the Breaking Dawn premier last night. I know you do, but it will have to wait my lambwhores. Mostly because I have to get this review out tonight and I'm also tired. Because I am apparently challenged when it comes to scheduling things so not only did I get home at 3 am last night but I was up at 6 (which is not glorious because I didn't fall asleep until 4:30) and was at work by 8. I am dragging ass so I really hope this book review reads as clearly as it sounds in my head.

Hometown Girl by Mariah Stewart

Life was always just about perfect for Brooke Madison Bowers. She was the prettiest, most popular girl in small-town St. Dennis, Maryland, a prom queen, local pageant star, and the pride and joy of her loving parents. She even married the man of her dreams. But the promise of happily ever after fell to pieces when her husband was killed while serving in Iraq. Brokenhearted and longing for the solace of better days, she returns to the idyllic world of St. Dennis, and the familiar comfort of the family farm. Surrounded by her loving family and friends, she’s determined to build a new life, complete with her own cupcake bakery. She’s equally determined never to fall in love again.

For Jesse Enright, life has been a challenge. A fourth-generation attorney, he’s spent his life fighting to escape the shadow of his irresponsible father. Now he’s moved to St. Dennis to run the family law practice, and he’s ready to find the right girl, get married, and settle down. But his carefully laid plans go out the window when he meets Brooke and finds himself caught between the unbreakable law of attraction and Brooke’s resolve to go her way alone—despite the undeniable feelings Jesse stirs in her. But just like catching lightning in a bottle, is it possible to fall head-over-heels, heart-and-soul in love all over again?

You should know going into this that this is the fourth book in The Chesapeake Diaries series because I did not. I thought it was kind of weird that some previous story lines were mentioned or hinted at but didn't realize this was part of a series until the end. And then I felt cheated because now I wish I had read the first three books first because when all of the previous characters are mentioned I feel like I maybe would have enjoyed them more had I known more of their back story.

But with that aside I will say this was a fast and easy read. Will it keep you on the edge of your seat with suspense or romance? Hardly. Is it a run and entertaining read? Sure. I do enjoy reading a romance novel that isn't about lust and sex every now and I really think Mariah Stewart nailed this relationship as a practical, real life scenario. You know you have friends like this, you feel like you live in the town, and you don't find yourself saying, "Right- that would never happen in real life!" which I can appreciate. I understand fiction is supposed to enlighten your imagination but sometimes for books to be enjoyable (especially in a contemporary romance genre) you want things to feel realistic and they did in this book.

I'm a big fan of reading other reviews before you commit to a book, so check out what others have to say HERE. Also check out Mariah's website to find information about upcoming books!

One lucky reader (US/Canada only) is also going to win a copy of their own as well. Drawing entries are easy as usual...

MANDATORY

*Be a follower of my blog via GFC and leave a comment on this post (with your email!)

EXTRA ENTRIES (leave a comment for each one)

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The drawing for this will take place on Wednesday, November 23 so hurry and enter! Also check the side bar to your left for other giveaways that are still current.

Rochester Girls Weekend

2011-11-16T20:16:00.000-06:00

So this weekend I spent with some of my favorite friends on a girls weekend in Rochester, Minnesota. I've been there once to basically connect with Amy before our Milwaukee trip but basically didn't know anything about the area other than that's where Mayo Clinic is.

Our main adjective was to celebrate Amy's birthday but we figured we would throw in a touristy trolley ride and a comedy show in the mix. Basically- it was a jam packed but very fun weekend.

Me, Tammy and Emily left way early on Saturday morning so that we would have a really full day in Rochester considering that is about a four hour drive from us. We obviously stopped in Hinckley for drinks and snacks, but on our way out we saw this beast:

I am very sad I did not get a picture of the rapist van with a tricycle strapped to the top for you though because that really was a special sight.

Then obviously we had to stop to pee. Mostly Tammy because the one thing about her that I love and it cracks me up, is that she must have the world's smallest bladder. She did really great though, so I think our mini road trips together are conditioning her bladder. Anyways. We stopped in Cannon Falls but the first thing we saw was this grocery store. So we pull over and start walking through the store. Obviously, we couldn't find the restroom so we asked and was told to go through double doors that looked like the back room. And it actually was. But the bathroom smelled SO bad. Pretty much the equivalent to a dirty adult diaper. Times ten. It was also pretty filthy, but they have these dispensers:

Conveniently, they were all empty and looked like they have been for quite some time. So here's where the bathroom was- this is just one side view because employees came and I felt like a spy.

Once we got to Rochester we headed over to a hotel to get onto the trolley that does a tour of the city and talks about the history of Mayo Clinic. For $15 it was a damn good deal because I learned a lot of stuff. Most of which I'm not going to tell you about for the sake of time, but if you are in Rochester you should do that tour. Plus our trolley had a bell. It was kind of bad ass.

For dinner we met up with a couple of Amy's local friends at McGoon's, which is next door to the Goonies comedy club. The food was hella expensive for what it was and wasn't that great BUT... our server? Her name is J-Wow. She was absolutely terrible and I know we all left a shitty tip. Try to come back at least once to refill drinks. Especially when you only have 3 tables. Get your shit together honey.

So here is a picture of me and the girls. I look kind of tall here but I wasn't wearing heels. So that was weird.

Since we had time to kill we decided to head for drinks at O'Dooley's which is basically up the street. Very cool restaurant/bar that feels very "city" to me. The only down side was the hostesses. There were three of them, all very wonky looking. By that I mean they are size 0, fake baked tan, giant boobs and the most unfortunate hair extensions. See the blondie below.

She was the better of the three. I think they are waiting for employment at Hooters or something. But O'Dooley's was fun and we got to meet more of Amy's friends that live there, both of which were named Amy. Which kind of was nice because then you don't have that awkward moment where you forget someones name. But they were really great and I enjoyed talking with them over drinks. The down side to O'Dooley's was that my one Pepsi? Was $6.50. Um, what the fuck? The nice thing about Duluth/Superior is that if you say you are the designated driver, your soda is free. Apparently not the case in Rochester, so bring cash, DD's.

After O'Dooley's we headed to another bar I can't remember the name of for a quick drink before heading back to Goonie's for the late night comedy show.

The comedy show? God I hope Amy got the opening woman on film because she was really horrible. She was an older woman- easily 60's, possibly even in her 70's who at one point lamented about Spanx. Then, just when you think that was done, she start pulling a pair of Spanx out of her pants and you are promptly grossed out. Honestly, I didn't think either of the two comedians after her were funny either. There were people laughing but I think this is one of those things that is awesome when you're drunk? I don't know. The downside of being that person that doesn't drink is that I don't always think things are as funny as my friends who have a beer or two do. But I really enjoyed hanging out with everyone and having the side convo's, because those alone were hysterical.

After the comedy we parted ways with everyone and got Amy home and headed to our hotel. The next day Emily, Tammy and I ended up going to IKEA and the Mall of America, but Amy had to pack for her big move to the Cities. But the highlight of that? Is that I found my sweater for the Ugly Sweater Christmas Party we're having in December. Oh, yes. We're doing it and we've got some kind of awesome plans in place. I just need to get more people on board because I think the more people we have dressed in hideous attire, the more fun it will be.

But it was a long weekend in a good way. You know it was successful when you can say, "God- is tomorrow Monday" because it feels like Friday was forever ago. We got home kind of late on Sunday but it was totally worth it. I am completely thankful that I have such great friends I love spending time with, and thankful for such an awesome husband who tells me to go do something fun. I don't think I could have gotten a better combination.

Airborne Toxic Event and the beginning of birthday extravaganza weekend.

2011-11-15T19:32:00.000-06:00

Good lord, I have a LOT of stuff to update you on, but let's start with last Thursday. Mostly because I can't really remember anything previous to that because my brain is currently *full* and I need to get some of this stuff out of it.

So on Thursday I drove down to the Twin Cities to meet up with my very good friend Amy. It was her actual birthday and we were going to go shopping at Mall of America, have some lunch and then head over to the Airborne Toxic Event concert at First Avenue. But before I get to that? I am giving a HUGE shout out to my little anonymous reader Meryl who insisted I listen to ATE because she was certain that I would love them. She obviously knows me better than my husband because she was totally right, so if she had never emailed me I would never know about them and I would not have had such a great night. So thanks, Meryl!

First up, let's talk lunch. We ate at Cadillac Ranch in the Mall of America which I think is kind of new? It was really good and Amy can vouch for the fact that they don't skimp on liquor in their Long Island Teas.

Birthday girl got free dessert. As much as I wanted to hi-jack that plate of awesome, I didn't.

Then we shopped. And took pictures in ugly fucking hats courtesy of H&M. I don't know what it is, but I think getting my picture in ugly hats is fun. AND, the bonus is that I found a faux dead fox scarf which sadly, is not fully highlighted here.

Then off to the concert we went. We were first in line at First Avenue and we pretty much froze our ass off for 90 minutes. But it was OK because we made friends with a sixty-something guy next to us who was telling us he goes to about 75 concerts a year and when he retires in a year, he hopes that he can do many more. Pretty much my hero because that's how I want to be when I'm old- a cool concert goer to the end, babes.

The first band to come on stage were the Drowning Men, which I had never heard of but was pleasantly surprised. I actually really liked their set and kind of loved the fact that they had what I believed to be dueling organs/pianos/something with keys. It was kind of amazing. I was really sad that there were less than 100 people there to see them play because they were actually really great.

After the Drowning Men played we had two fucking LOSERS come right next to us. Like, literally RIGHT NEXT to us. Amy and I were first, so we stood close to the stage on this ledge. The glory of the ledge is that you can sit and/or stand. We were alternating between the two because I know my back, legs, and feet will kill me if I stand through an entire concert. But these people chose to sit RIGHT NEXT to us. Notice the lack of people, and then notice the girl (sitting next to/behind Amy) and her boyfriend, who chose to stand although there was the entire rest of the ledge.

They remained like this through the next band but right before ATE? The guy says to us, "Are you guys sitting or standing?" Amy looks at me, but we both replied "both", because she was sitting at the time, I was standing but kind of kneeling on the ledge because my hip felt like it was literally going to give out. Here's the convo from there on out:
Guy: Oh no, it's one or the other.
Me: Um, no it's not. We've been here since 4 so that's what we're doing.
Guy: It doesn't matter, it's one or the other.
(Now, for a standing room only event because there are no chairs, it's just common sense that you get their early to get prime viewing of the stage. Which is what we had.)
Me: No, we're going to do both.
*At this point we start ignoring them because honestly, this guy can fuck a duck for all I care.*
Girl: You know what? You are a bunch of bitches.
Me: I know and that's OK.

That kind of ended it right there, but honestly- NEVER in all of my years of going to a show at this venue have I ever had a problem with people. Never. I've been that person who got there too late for the ledge and while it sucks... you deal with it. You don't coerce others off the ledge. Anyways. Eventually I looked over and the guy was sitting so I don't know what the fracking deal was. You can't take up more than your own ass width of ledge. It's just a rule. ANYWAYS.

The second band was Mona. They were kind of great as well and after the set the singer walked by me and patted my back. I would have totally let him slap my ass for the record. They were that good. The only irritating thing is that I kind of hate when singers get cocky on stage? Towards the end of their set he kind of got the "We're so anti-establishment and badass" attitude and yeah. I can do without that.

OH! And there was a girl in her mid 20's that came with her parents! They were very obviously her chaperone's and kept eagle eyes on her. The parents were obviously not in their element. OH! And it should be noted that there were a lot of older people at the show. Weird.

Then Airborne Toxic Event came on and though I loved Mikel Jollett before, I pretty much love him more now. He's just so cute and his voice is fantastic and he's like a butch hipster. I pretty much love it.

They played every single awesome song which means almost everything off of their two albums which was amazing. Definite highlights were the crowd sing a longs to "Sometime Around Midnight" and "All I Ever Wanted".

It was a pretty kick ass concert and I am very glad I got to go. If you don't know this band you should definitely check them out- they put on a pretty amazing live show.

On my drive home I was exhausted. I haven't been that exhausted driving home in awhile and I was really looking forward to my stop in Hinckley. I stopped at Tobies to pee and then I got some donuts for Matt and the kids. Then my next tradition is to stop at Hardees to get a Big Roast Beef sandwich and large Coke. Not because I love the food but because it makes me physically ill but that's what keeps me awake for the second half of my drive. That section of my drive is particularly awful because there literally is nothing on the highway, it's pitch dark and I have to be alert enough to watch for deer and other woodland creatures with insomnia.

But guess what? Fucking Hardees was CLOSED. Their entire store was dark, drive through turned off yet the "Drive Through 24 Hours!" sign was lit. The level of anger and feelings of disappointment was pretty high. So I had to go to McDonald's which I can't stand anyways. I hate McDonald's. Have you noticed you don't really have to chew their hamburgers anymore? At least the Quarter Pounders? Because it pretty much dissolves in your mouth and that's disgusting. I only took one bite and realized it had the consistency of styrofoam and my fries were cold and wiggly. I don't like wiggly fries. McDonald's FAIL.

I think I climbed into bed around 1am? I had to work right away the next morning which was kind of rough. Then I was off to Rochester for the weekend. More on that tomorrow.

Puzzle Winner & Hot Bitch Monday

2011-11-14T21:06:00.000-06:00

Jesus. I basically feel like I have had my ass dragged backwards through some bushes. I have been extremely busy, I have lots going on, lots of stuff to tell you about, lots of things I'm working on for the blog, and yeah. Life is busy. So busy that I? Forgot to draw a winner for the Kid Puzzle giveaway. WHOOPS.

According to Random.org the winner is...

#11 Kathryn!

I will email you to get your information, but congratulations! Thank you for playing along everyone!
***

Hot Bitch Monday is back and it's sad. And optimistic. Mostly because I did force myself to run on the fuckmill for 30 minutes which was as horrible as I expected it to be. I also did a lot of walking this weekend and on Thursday so exercise actually happened. I have really done well curbing that amount of food I'm taking in, just not necessarily what I'm eating. I want to get better at that, I really do, but really. I have been so busy that the thought of sitting down to eat something versus grabbing a donut seems like a complete time waster. Is anyone else feeling that way or am I just at the height of lazy at this point?

I also think I am going to sign up for the Gobble Gallop 5K happening in Duluth on Thanksgiving morning. I was going to do it but my friend Emily is going home that day, so then I decided not to. But now I'm thinking I should just throw caution and common sense to the wind and do it. Even though I am running a 5K the following weekend in Duluth. So.. that seems a bit crazy pants, but who knows... maybe it'll be awesome and fun. And I won't die, throw out my knee or get frost bite. I don't want to be greedy and hope for all three (secretly I am) but the chances are high one of the three will happen. I'm a realist, after all.

People Tell Me Things (GIVEAWAY)

2011-11-14T20:54:00.000-06:00

The first thing anybody should know about me is that people like me. People tell me things that I really should not know. Not just friends, even though I don't think that is so strange... you expect friends to tell you really random and bizarre things. It's one of the perks of having friends, knowing that you aren't the only crazy person like yourself out there. But absolute strangers will come up to me to tell me about all kinds of things in their lives. Every single day of my life I am told things that I not only don't want to know, but things that I absolutely should never know about a person. Ever. I don't even care WHO you are, there are things that nobody should know about you. But I know them, and that makes me feel dirty some times.

So.. it's book time.

People Tell Me Things by David Finkle

In PEOPLE TELL ME THINGS all of the stories feature the narrator who is the friend, lover, confidante, good listener, etc. In his position he is often asked to lunch where he learns about the exploits of friends like Peter in the title story PEOPLE TELL ME THINGS. Peter has been cheating on his wife and has been caught because a woman (he was not sleeping with) lost her earring in his pants. And Bonnie, Peter’s wife, who discovered the earring, knew the real story of how it happened, but took the opportunity to leave him anyway.

When people aren’t availing themselves of their confidante’s empathy and discretion, he talks about some of his desires. He wants to be represented as a character in a novel in HEY, THAT’S ME UP THERE ON THE PRINTED PAGE!. An affair with a married man ironically is the action that gets him there. In MEMORIAL he reads about Noah Goodman’s death in the obituaries. He and Goodman were lovers for a considerable period of time. The nature of their relationship, how they parted, and the memorial service at his passing is a bitter-sweet ending to the collection.

Finkle’s characters and their relationships are at once messy and glorious. And the magic of Manhattan shines through–where everyday people mix with the famous and the infamous, sometimes for just a moment, with an impact that lasts a lifetime.

Here's what I absolutely loved about the book: I think I would fit in with David and his friends. A lot of them reminded me of people I knew in my own life and I absolutely loved that. I often find myself being that person in the middle of things and hearing every side and then having to keep it all straight in my head. I would by lying if I said I didn't write things down just so I could keep it all straight. It's a precarious position to be in sometimes.

What I didn't love... is that while I understand that each story is meant to have a different narrator, it never really felt like it. And then when I really think about the title of the book, I really feel like I would have enjoyed it more had it all been the same narrator- it would have seemed even more incredible that one person is being told all of this. Does that make sense? The disadvantage by having different narrators is that it comes off feeling more, "so what- everybody has at least one story, but who has that many stories?"

I will tell you that it is a fast read with chapters being relatively short. This would be a great book to through in your purse or murse (I know there has to be at least one man reading this post carrying a purse) to read a quick chapter. I will agree that it's insightful and funny as well. The other added bonus is being able to read these things as an unbiased account of something and be able to see how ridiculous people are sometimes.

You know I would never ask you to rely on just my review, so I encourage you to see what others are saying, HERE. One lucky reader will also be able to win their own copy (US/Canada only, please). To win...

MANDATORY

*Be a follower of my blog via GFC and leave a comment on this post (with your email!)

EXTRA ENTRIES (leave a comment for each one)

*Share this on Facebook (send me link)

*Tweet the giveaway (send me link)

*Blog about this giveaway (send me link)

This giveaway will end on Monday, November 21.

Happy Birthday to one of my most favorite people AND a coming soon!

2011-11-10T08:09:00.000-06:00

I have to just say it....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AMY!!!!

We are going to have fun this weekend during girl's weekend where Tammy, Emily and I are driving to hang out with Amy for her birthday. A trolley, some comedy, some food, some drinks, lots will happen and I'm super excited. Look for that post sometime next week.

But today? I am driving down to the Mall of America to meet with Amy, have some lunch, do some shopping and OH YEAH, go to the Airborne Toxic Event concert today. WOO HOO. I am super excited about it and it feels like a fun weekend kick off basically. I hope, hope, hope they play this song tonight.

And I have to just mention this because if there was ever a person I am so thankful for having, it's Amy. She is the best friend and she is so kind and you know how I know this? Because on her birthday week, this is what I got in the mail:

Cake decorating goodies. Seriously, Amy? I love you to bits. :) I had a shit day yesterday and to come home to find this completely made my day and made me love you even more. So happy birthday, friend! We're going to have fun tonight and this weekend.

And for the rest of you? Havea great day/night. Email me questions for Dear Sara tomorrow to sarastrand9438(at)hotmail(dot)com and you know I charged my camera battery fully this time.

Questionable Bar, Manchester Orchestra, Friends, and Swingers.

2011-11-08T19:19:00.000-06:00

If you need any more proof that just being with me can bring the crazies, look no further than my last Saturday night.

Let me set you up. First off, Manchester Orchestra is easily in my top five favorite bands yet I hadn't seen them in concert yet. On Facebook they made the announcement that the tour they were embarking on was going to be it for at least two years.. maybe longer so I knew that come hell or high water I was going to a show. Fortunately, they were going to be in Minneapolis on Saturday but at some bar I didn't know in South Minneapolis (which immediately waves some red flags), but tickets were only about $20. So I get my friend Tammy and sister in law Kate to come.

We basically left later than ideal because people had stuff going on, but assuming we didn't get lost, we would get there about 30 minutes before the doors opened. But guess what happened?

Maggie, the turning out to be unreliable GPS, got us fucking lost. First off, there is a difference in Cedar Avenue and Cedar Avenue South. Mostly because Cedar Avenue will tell you that you have arrived as you are crossing what I think was the Mississippi River. Cedar Avenue South takes you into what I think is maybe a college neighborhood (think bars, apartment buildings, random weird stores that aren't open after 5). So we ended up being 16 miles out of our way, and get there in time to see that the "free parking" consists of four spaces on either side of the building. Awesome. Obviously everything within reasonable distance is full so we end up parking behind a Taco Bell, on a residential street with an embankment ideal for homeless people, a closed bus shelter, and oh yeah- there are no street lights. This is totally a safe parking spot. But we did it because it was a quicker walk to the venue.

Which was questionable too. It is next door to a bar/restaurant called The Joint and that is primarily a biker hangout. Not going to lie, there were some pretty sketch people just hanging out. Thankfully we didn't have to wait outside for too long, but Kate was complimented on her green hair by a drunk guy!

I also want to say it because it's true... the Cabooze? Is a TERRIBLE venue for a concert. As Andy Hull (singer of Manchester Orchestra) said, "There is no way to flip this tetris setup to make it right" because it's true. I would say about half of us were standing to the side of the stage because there isn't much room in front of the stage. If I had mad Paint skillz I'd draw you a picture but just go with it. So that really sucked. I secured a spot next to the bar, right where the bartenders come in/out with cases. Which means my right arm, back, and ass kept getting slammed with cases of beer. Unfortunate because there literally was nowhere else for me to go- I was kind of stuck in that one spot.

The first band to come on was The Deerhunter, who I had never heard of, but were really good. They sound a LOT like Manchester Orchestra and at first I thought it was them. I know- what was I thinking. But they were good enough that I'm downloading some of their stuff this week because I enjoyed them.

After they played this lovely hipster couple next to us started chatting with me saying that band was really good, etc. They mention they don't really know Manchester Orchestra but bought tickets because their favorite band was an opening act. Enter White Denim.

White Denim sucks so much ass I was yawning. YAWNING during a club concert. They blatantly rip off guitar riffs from classic rock hits, kind of make it their own or at least try to, and then mumble stuff into the microphone. They could be described as hipsters who hate life? I have one picture of them but deleted it because they sucked. But holy god- this couple? Went CRAZY for them. The woman was all jamming out to herself and almost ramming into Tammy. It was quite a sight on its own.

So after White Denim, hipster couple leaves. Enter.... middle aged married couple of swingers. Oh, you read that right. Tammy and I met Tom and Karen. (I want it noted that Kate ditched us for a seat on the floor because her foot hurt and she was tired. So Tammy and I are on our own here). They both appear kind of tipsy if not the beginning stages of drunk which is fine. They order some drinks, ask us what we're drinking and we say we aren't because we have a long drive home. So then we start talking about where we're from, etc. Out of nowhere Tom hugs me and says, "If it doesn't work out with your husband I will take you. My wife could use a friend." Um, weird. But I brush this off as a drunk person rambling about shit that makes no sense. I get this all of the time being the sober person in a group.

Manchester Orchestra comes on and starts the show with "April Fool" and I basically lose my shit because I love them and Andy Hull. I don't like beards so much, but I would make an exception for Andy. And Robert Pattinson.

They played almost every one of my favorite songs, but I had to call me good blog buddy Matt when they played "Shake It Out". Mostly because it's a great song, but also because Matt is the one who introduced me to Manchester Orchestra after I heard him play that song on his radio station when he was in college. So from that one song, I became a HUGE fan of the band.

They played for quite a while and they were great.

But about a few songs in I look at Tammy who tells me that the woman? Is feeling up her boob. Which is funny because at this point, the guy? Is grinding on my right leg. And I'm laughing hysterically because you know this is what I do in stressful situations only amplified by my exhaustion and low blood sugar. So I kind of move more into the bar area thinking he'd get the hint but no. That does not work.

Almost towards the end of the set, Tom grabs my waist to let me know that him and Karen were leaving. I said "Oh, that's good" and he replies with, "Do you want to come with us? We've got a place nearby and we can have fun." Um, no. NO, you crazy ass swinger-probable-serial-killer. NO. So they leave, Tammy and I breathe a huge sigh of relief so we can enjoy the last few songs.

Here's what I will tell you that was amazing about this concert:

Even in between sets the bar just plays music. Well you know you have a kick ass crowd when we all start singing along to the Black Keys' "Howlin For You".
Almost every guy had a beard and wore flannel. Some women appeared to have beards as well.
The band is immensely talented anyways, but when Andy Hull sang all alone with no back up instruments or vocals? Wow. Talk about a concert moment. Not a sound in that entire bar except for his voice gave me goosebumps.
I was so happy they made the song "Virgin" sound as creepy in person as it does on the album.
Same with "Simple Math"- it oozes sex (to me) on the album and it was even better in person.
The crowd ate up "I Can Barely Breathe" and you can hear that HERE. Someone at the show taped it and put it on YouTube. :)
We also sang word for word to "The Only One".

Overall it was a great show, a great night with some of my favorite people. It really was a good show but it would have been epic if it were at say... First Avenue.

And the walk to car? Uneventful. I almost made the decision to pee in someone's front yard because I had to go THAT BAD but I didn't. We ended up finding a gas station outside of the cities and I peed a lot, only after landing on the seat (lost my footing on the wet floor) only to realize the seat? Was wet. Public bathroom fail.

It was a super late night and I crawled into bed at exactly 2:35 am. Yikes.

I get to do it again on Thursday, though! I am going to be meeting my friend Amy for lunch, shopping, and the Airborne Toxic Event concert.. only to drive home. I am going to be so exhausted. Really tired. I just need to keep myself awake for the ride home. Then this weekend is girls weekend/Amy's birthday extravaganza/shopping trip, but Tammy and Emily are coming with me. It's going to be great... just wait for the pictures!

Hot Bitch Monday.. back at it.

2011-11-07T20:07:00.002-06:00

Before I get into tonight's post, here are some cool things you need to know about:

1. A nail polish swap organized by Tara and Celia. They are awesome and your toes need help.

2. Cathy from Antsy Pants is having a Movember fundraiser. Do it, because you might win something awesome from me.

3.Ornament Swap time!
***

OK, so now for this week of Hot Bitchness, I am struggling. I only ran once last week and that sucks. Because I do want to do more. I have these little cravings, if you will, to exercise and move because I know that I feel better once I do move. My problem is that I am back on birth control. Long story short and no it doesn't involve me trying to get pregnant at all- that ship has very much sailed, but I wasn't on it for almost four years and now I have decided to just get on it since we can't afford Matt's vasectomy, etc. Because I know you all care to know this.

But being on the pill again brings me back to my college years and you know... the subsequent weight gain. As far as I am concerned the Pill is the devil that makes you think it's completely OK to eat pizza rolls, Cheez Its and candy with a side of french fries all day long. I swear I have food coma some days because I'm eating and like an hour later I'm all, "Oh shit... I feel sick" and realize HEY! I just ate a bunch of shit so no wonder why I feel like my intestines are revolting and I may be hugging a toilet later. Because my stomach? Cannot take that stuff like it could when I was say... 18. It just doesn't work anymore.

So obviously my problem is my challenge is going to be to maintain my big assness from getting out of hand. And it already is. I know I must have gained in the last week or two and I'm just not looking because if I don't know for sure... it's not really a problem. (You'll notice I have the "ignorance is bliss" mentality for most of life.)

I also looked into kickboxing classes and I found a reasonable price for a local place, but they also offer lots of other classes. In the evening. For cheap. I think this is my thing. Now my thing is... do I wait until after the holidays to join and get a friend to do it with me, or do I suck it up and go now all alone? I'm going to be honest- I hate doing things like this on my own and find it hard to be accountable to myself so I feel like going alone might set me up for failure? I don't know. I just know I kind of really want to do it, I just don't want to look like a friendless asshole while doing it.

Domestic Bitch Saturday? Pasta, Cakes, and Cards.

2011-11-06T18:47:00.000-06:00

I had every intention of giving you a post yesterday but I ran out of time before having to drive to Minneapolis for the Manchester Orchestra concert... which was great. It was really great and I'll post about that sometime this coming week. And tell you about the swingers.

So with that tease, let's talk about Domestic Bitch Saturday stuff. I was ubber productive this week despite battling migraines pretty much every day. I'm so over having migraines and pretty sure I probably have a brain tumor just waiting to be a tumor. I just know it. Mark my words.

ANYWAYS.

I pretty much conquered my version of Chicken Parmesan. I've been kind of messing around with sauces and stuff and I found a ghetto easy version and at this point- it tastes good, it's cheap, it's easy- why try harder to improve it? So here you go.

Sara's Super Easy Ghetto Chicken Parmesan
(serves a normal family with normal serving sizes of 4, or two fat asses)

1- package of chicken boobs, cooked and cubed. Season these mo'fo's.
1- jar of Prego Meat sauce (it's the only kind I like, but use what you want)
1- 15 oz can of tomato sauce
1- 6 oz can of tomato paste
1- box of Rotini
2- cups of mozzarella
2- handfuls of parmesan cheese

Cook your chicken boobs thoroughly. When those are done, stir the tomato sauce and tomato paste together with the chicken, then add the spaghetti sauce. Decide you want to add parmesan cheese and accidentally throw in two handfuls. Stir until you think you haven't screwed it up. Cook your noodles half way, drain. Mix your chicken & sauce with your noodles. Place in a 9x13 casserole dish, top with mozzarella. Bake at 350 until it's all warm and bubbly- usually 30 minutes. Or longer depending on how shitty your oven is.

And it was as delicious as it looked. Now I'm hungry again. Dammit.

This week also marked my last class of the second session of cake decorating- which meant that I was learning basket weave, reverse shell borders, rope border and we also did some daisies because we had some extra time.

Let's just put this out there: I kind of love basket weave and I am awesome at it.

It just takes up a LOT of frosting. I mean... you use a LOT. I cannot emphasize how much frosting you actually use because it is a LOT. It also makes your cake ridiculously heavy.

By the time I finished my basket weave, my frosting was warm and unhappy, so my rope border wasn't working. But it tasted damn good. Then of all of my royal icing flowers from previous weeks, these three roses were what I had left and could get off the parchment paper without breaking. I'm apparently kind of rough with them for no reason. But it worked anyways and miraculously I was able to get my rope border frosting the exact same color. Minor miracle.

Then I've been busy making cards for my Etsy shop. I have quite a few holiday cards in there right now (some even on super clearance!) and I've gotten a few ornaments in there so far. But let's see what's new:

Merry & Bright Snowman cards (these actually were our family cards from last year and I had a few left over!)

My Spunky Rudolph Gift Tag Set

The Spunky Rudolph Holiday Cards with matching envelopes..

Birthday Poppy card set..

Folks those flowers and leaves were a pain in my rear to cut. I was hoping to do more, but I got this set of six done and then two cards for my stash, so yeah. My hands hurt and I think age is setting in or something.

Just for my super awesome readers, if you use the code "SARASBLOG" in my Etsy shop, you'll receive 10% off your order.... including clearance items.

I have more crafty stuff I'm working on this week and I'm going to try this Chicken Nacho Bake this week too... hopefully that tastes as good as the picture looks. I am in need of some recipe ideas, so if you have a good recipe that is cheap and easy- email me at sarastrand9438(at)hotmail(dot)com.

Dear Sara. Oh, it's still going.

2011-11-04T19:44:00.000-05:00

I'm such a slacker and I know it. It's certainly not because I'm lazy but more because I feel overwhelmed with life. But I have great things going on so I really can't complain. It's pretty much all happy problems at this point. You know things are good when I don't even yell at Matt about the laundry sink when it overflowed twice this week.

But let's get some Dear Sara questions out of the way and call it tonight's post.

1. I saw on your Facebook you have had some bad restaurant experiences (are you blogging about these ever???) and I'm wondering if you complain or let it go? It depends. Really. I probably won't blog about either since I kind of forgot about it and blech- it's more fun to write about something when I'm heated and I'm not anymore. But in one case I think the problems stemmed from the fact it was a Friday night, extremely busy, and you have mostly immature college students working. Not every college student with a job falls into this category but I'm going to go ahead and lump a lot of them in there. So all of that aside? It probably would have been better had I gone an hour earlier. The second experience was straight up bad. The waitress was horrible, the food was horrible, the customer service was horrible, there was not one positive thing about the entire two hour experience. So in that case? I paid my bill, told the hostess it was terrible (and why) when she asked, and I wrote a letter. I included all of the pertinent information, a copy of my receipt validating the time I was there, etc. I firmly believe that if you have bad service anywhere and it was fully preventable, you need to speak up. I don't care if I get a free meal out of it or not (which I didn't), I think they should know so that they can do better. Alternately, I think if you experience really great service? You need to mention it too. People always jump the gun to fire off a nasty gram email but it's rare that an employer (or employee) gets a "you did a great job and really made my day" comment. Positive comments go further than negative, but negatives are good learning experiences.

2. What kind of sports bra do you use? I read about all of your running and you have complained about your boobs-- so I'm curious if you found one that works? YES! Did I not blog this? I didn't? Good lord. OK. So chunky girls with boobage UNITE. Old Navy has the *best* running bra that isn't expensive. It's the Go Active Running Bra and I'm not kidding you- you put that on and you feel like you are strapped into a harness. When I ran my last 5K my boobs did not move at all. Nothing. No moving at all. I cannot stress that they didn't move in any direction. At all. Really. Nothing at all. Hopefully all of my repetitiveness emphasizes that my boobs did not move. The best part? The bra is normally like $20 but on sale it's $9. I know. I may or may not have sung a song in the Old Navy dressing room. It is amazing. But I will tell you definitely try them on. Because I'm a 36D boob and I bought a large. I could not breathe in a medium and an XL fit, but there was some wiggle. Oh! And you don't get uni-boob from it. I know. It's kind of amazing.

3. You haven't done a "In the News" post in awhile...... so what do you think about Judge Adams? Fair or no? OK, so I only saw this briefly when my mom insisted I see it. It was on some morning show. But in the few seconds I saw (because I know I could never watch the full thing which is like seven minutes or something), I can tell you two things: there is a line between discipline and abuse. I am not against spanking but it has to be justified and what you see on that tape is not justified and it is not spanking. Also at some point let's be honest- you need to find other tactics of discipline. Number two? That mother? Is a phony. I don't care who you are, how abused you are by your spouse, whatever- if someone is beating your child like that, a normal parent who gives a damn would step in and take the beating and spare their child. No responsible mother would not only allow that to happen but then to tell her daughter to "take it like a woman". My two cents? I think she got wind that the daughter had it on a tape and came up with this "I was brainwashed" bull shit so that she wouldn't be in trouble with the law like her ex potentially is. If I were that girl I'd tell both of my parents to kiss the fuck off and let them both go to jail. I would never in a million years let anyone, let alone my husband, beat my child in that way. Even if they burned the damn house down, there is never a time to justify that kind of abuse. It's absolutely sickening that there are people out there like that. So I hope that girl wisens up because her mother is just as guilty as the father.

4. With the holidays coming up, do you think it's mandatory to do neighbor gifts? My husband and I just bought our house a few months ago and the neighbors have been really friendly and a couple have brought us plants or cookies for welcome gifts. Do you think I'm obligated to give a Christmas gift? Yikes. OK, I kind of feel like you should and here's why: it's just a nice thing to do. Obviously you live somewhere that sounds non-ghetto and that your neighbors give a damn who they live next to. They also took the time to get you a plant or bake you cookies (or dump store bought ones into a Tupperware- it still counts), so it would be a kind gesture. (I hope you gave them a thank you note, if you didn't I hope lightning strikes you down.) But with that I will tell you to keep it simple and inexpensive. The hands down easiest gift to do are things like gifts-in-a-jar. Find a cookie recipe that you like, and put the dry ingredients into a glass jar, print the recipe out and tie it to the jar. First off, it's cheap because you are only supplying dry ingredients. Second, it's home made and you jump up in brownie points instantly. Third, you can always get crazy and tie on a cookie cutter to make it fancy. Plus? You can whip out a bunch of these in no time. So I say yes. Because if nothing else? You've done something nice and maybe you'll make their day- and isn't that the great thing about Christmas? You thought of someone else and did something nice. Everybody likes that.
**

OK, so as usual..... if you have any questions for me, about me, about you, or a situation a "friend of a friend" is having- send me an email at sarastrand9438(at)hotmail(dot)com.

Kid Puzzles Review and GIVEAWAY

2011-11-03T20:52:00.000-05:00

One of the best activities that keep my kids busy for long periods are puzzles. Both kids have loved puzzles from an early age and now that Olivia is six she's already doing 200 piece puzzles, but Jackson is still loving the board puzzles. When I was offered the opportunity to review handmade board puzzles for Kid Puzzles, I was thrilled because I knew if any kids would love them, it would be mine.

But let me tell you about the company first because they are pretty unique in what they offer. Kid Puzzles are custom-made, high quality puzzles made with premium grade, maple-faced laminate. Designed to last for generations, Kid Puzzles’ non-toxic creations are a perfect gift for that special child in your life – whether your own son/daughter or grandchild, niece, nephew or family friend. Varieties include personalized wood name puzzles, child’s puzzle stools, 3D multi-layer puzzles, etc. They also are really affordable and the least expensive puzzle is around $17.

What really impressed me though? Was how I received the puzzle. It came wrapped in a great padded envelope so the puzzle wouldn't be damaged, a business card, a $4 off coupon for my next name puzzle, a little note from the company owners thanking your for your purchase, and then the best? A postcard that gives you instructions for puzzle care and (wait for it).... instructions on what to do if you lose a piece. They will replace any piece for $4.

If you are a parent of a toddler (or a very high energy little boy named Jackson), you will appreciate this. How many times have you hunted for that one last puzzle piece? And then never found it and the puzzle isn't as fun to the kid anymore? Lots. Seriously, lots. I'm currently on the hunt for pieces to three puzzles and I'm starting to think maybe someone ate the piece. But Kid Puzzles will replace your piece and that is amazing.

Here is a picture of the puzzle we received and all of the extra things I told you about. We received the Dragon Fly puzzle and it was adorable.

Here is a close up of the note. Call me old fashioned, but this is kind of awesome and I really appreciate that. You know my love of a note.

But here are my kids playing with the puzzle. Wood puzzles are hands down their favorite and I think it's because it's just easier for their little fingers to maneuver.

Jackson was obviously very serious about the dragon's belly.

And they played with this puzzle for almost an hour. And it's sitting on our coffee table because they are seeing how fast they can put it together without help.

Each puzzle is specifically handmade for the order and they are made with eco friendly materials. Marvin cuts the wood pieces and Margaret hand pants them. The puzzles are also lead free, which is a HUGE thing to watch for in children's items. You know what else I love? That they have puzzle stools. These are great for other uses too, but they fit the puzzles so you can sit your little one on the couch and put the stool on their lap, they can play on the floor with it too.

Also? They have personalized puzzles, which is what they are really known for. Raise your hand if you know a kid with a wonky name that you can't find personalized stuff for? Yeah, we all know at least one of those poor kids. But these puzzles can be customized so it'll be the spelling of their name and then it makes for a cool decoration too in their room.

Are you loving these as much as I am? Do you want one for your very own? Well one lucky reader will win a $69 credit toward any of their products, which will cover any of their single layer puzzles and shipping within the U.S. If the winner would prefer a more elaborate puzzle, the credit can be applied so they just have to pay the extra amount. How do you win this?

MANDATORY

Be a follower of my blog via GFC & leave a comment telling me what you would get

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This giveaway will end on Thursday, November 10, 2011!

Giveaway? Why yes, I think so.

2011-11-03T10:15:00.000-05:00

I will post more stuff for you today and maybe tonight, but I want to make sure you head over to Alicia's blog to see her really great post about me and my shop and enter to win the giveaway. It's super easy to enter and it would make for a really cute Christmas gift for someone.

AND, you know if you win I will send extra goodies as I always do. Go HERE for your chance to win.

But, leave me a comment to give me an idea of what kind of shop giveaway I should do. Should I give cards, ornaments, a frame, or a mystery box?

Book winner, curls, and being defeated by icing.

2011-11-01T19:41:00.000-05:00

The winner of the book Holy Ghost Girl (according to random.org) is....

#11 SweetSillySara

Congratulations! I will contact you about getting your contact information, so check your email.
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In other news, let's talk about some random shit I keep forgetting to talk to you about. First up, Olivia is becoming quite the fashionista. Which I absolutely love because one of the things I wanted when I knew I was having a daughter is that she be super girly and fun. Olivia is all of that times a thousand. This past week she let me put foam curlers in her hair before bed. She has really fine hair (now... I'm sure it'll end up like mine and she'll never go near a curler as an adult) and it doesn't really do much. She has a lot of baby hairs growing in and it's kind of hard to make it cute. But the curls? Adorable.

I also had cake class last week. It was pretty bad and I think at one point I almost yelled at my pink icing. Mother fucking icing. Let's just say for the record that I absolutely HATE royal icing. I hate it. It tastes gross, I don't think anything on a cake should be hard and/or crunchy, and it's a pain the god damn ass. That and my hand mixer has just about had it with me and this royal icing.

Royal icing is a fickle bitch. It's all stiff like it should be until you drive the ten minutes to class where in that time it goes limp like nothing should ever be. <-- life lesson. But I brought some powdered sugar (just in case) and tried to revive it. Not happening. So I had to make my fucking flowers with limp icing so everything looks like shit.

It's a yellow fucking blob daffodil.

To show you how shitty my violets were, I took a picture of mine (blue, obviously) next to the book one. Um, not even close. Piece of shit icing.

The only redeeming thing were the lilies that don't look like complete ass. Except for the fact the yellow makes it look like a god damn banana.

And you know those lilies broke on the way home. The instructor said they would be fragile but I didn't expect them to be complete assholes and fall completely apart in their safe egg carton home. But they did. I also came home covered in dried pink icing and I'm not sure why since my pink never made it out of the container. I blew out multiple bags during class (not horrible, but it's a pain in the ass to deal with and make a new bag when everyone in the class is already ahead of you and you are getting confused as it is) and generally it was not a good night. This Thursday is our last class of this session and we have to decorate a full cake. Um, nervous. We also learn basket weaving so it might look like shit.

I was hesitant if I would sign up for the third session since I would miss the middle two classes, but I'm going to do it. I think I'll be able to have enough time after the other two classes I will be there for to learn what I need to about fondant.
***
I am so tired and have a migraine today that I can barely move. I don't know but I seem to be getting these more and more frequently to the point where they actually take me out. So I'm off. Leave a comment to congratulate the book winner, tell me how ugly my flowers are and how cute my daughter is.